If the Blog's Bad, Just Don't Read!

I've said it repeatedly, but I don't blame you if you don't believe me. This is NOT a sports blog. But sports are a big part of my life, and therefore a big part of the blog. And besides, somethings just can NOT be ignored. So as we eagerly await to hear from Buzz, I feel compelled to address some recent NBA happenings, and while the C's moving into an epic NBA Finals against the Great Big Pacific Salt-Water Body of Water Hundreds of Miles South of Tahoe Lakers is big news, you either already know or don't care. The REAL blog-worthy story is this -- the league announced that starting next year, players are going to be fined for falling down without being pushed.

It's amazing how often I'm watching sports (usually the Lions, really) and I find myself screaming at "my" players "FALL DOWN LESS!!!" as my guys stumble over hash-marks and watch helplessly from the turf as the opposing player carries the ball past them. You see, in sports, falling down very rarely provides an unfair competitive advantage. I've listened to a lot of post-game interviews, and never have I heard a coach or player explain the outcome with anything like "Well, I think the key to the win today was the way we were able stay off our feet. Whenever there was any contact at all, we just hit the deck and it really paid off in the end." I've never read somebody talk about practice or mini-camp and say "Today we just worked mostly on fundamentals, some conditioning, and trying to fall down more." What's next here -- will there be fouls called for failing to contest lay-ups and dunks? Will players be suspended for missing free-throws? Will there be a "three strikes and you're out" (baseball analogy, I know) rule against being beaten off the dribble by a slow white power forward?

Look, I get why they're doing it. Flopping's ridiculous and shameful, but how can you fine a player for choosing to put himself at a competitive disadvantage? I know it's hard and all, but isn't the real answer to just officiate properly? If a dude falls and isn't fouled, just let him fall! This ain't exactly spur-science here, right? But in the middle of the most horrifically officiated playoffs in memory -- and this is with the mole ref OUT of the league, remember -- the answer is apparently to fine players for attempting to take advantage of inept refs. Unbelievable.

We Have an Accord

Not an accordion (that would be polka, not yodeling), but an accord. That's right -- I'm very, VERY happy to announce that THE Buzz Goertzen has agreed (with some degree of enthusiasm, even!) to contribute a post to Flogging. . . .

What a long, strange trip it's been. Honestly, this blog was never even intended to be read, really. And then it's found by the mother of a member of a metal band, then the granddaughter of the (to my knowledge, at least) greatest living yodeler, and I can only ask myself "what's next"? And, in order to REALLY take it to the next level, I'm forced to ask . . . Dido? Are you out there? Let's hit the trifecta, baby!

But until then (and by "then" I mean "never") -- we'll be awaiting a blog by Buzz. He's busy and out of his home at the moment and so I've happily removed my one week time clock. Buzz will do what Buzz will do, whenever Buzz will do it. And that's just pretty cool with me.

Stirring Up a Buzz!

If you're new (or new-ish, even) to "Flogging. . ." you may not know the name Buzz Goertzen. Your ignorance, however understandable, must be rectified. Click here and read up on the mysterious and borderline paranormal way in which an otherwise forgettable conversation in a warehouse has exploded into a legitimate theme in my life and absolute highlight of my blog. In blog entry tags, Goertzen ranks third behind sports and general -- but he is the unquestioned number one in our hearts as well as response, reader enthusiasm, and ripple-effect into my real life, as the posts in the above link should make abundantly clear.

Now, however, the yodeling invasion has been taken to a previously un-imaginable level. In the last two days, by virtue of blog comments (read them at the bottom of the post here) and a myspace message, I've been contacted by Buzz's daughter Tammy Sue, Buzz's dragon-esque granddaughter Chelsea, and finally the Idaho Yodeler himself.

As my previous posts indicate, for a while the way yodeling was suddenly showing up in the most unexpected places in my life was equal parts amusing and disturbing, but with this newest level I'm ready to completely abandon myself to the whims of the yodel-gods with a previously un-considered recklessness. I don't know where this may take me, but I never -- NEVER -- expected to be here blogging about Buzz Goertzen and his family (!) writing about my blog. So I'm pushing my chips into the middle and I'm going to let 'em ride. Let's see what kind of level we can take this to, really. I'm making this your show, Buzz. I'm offering you -- no, I'm BEGGING of you -- to take control of "Flogging. . ." for one post. Anything at all you want to say, use this platform. I give you my word to faithfully post whatever it is that you'd like to say, complete and un-edited (assuming, of course, that you stay away from profanity and what not). I'll give you an entire week. I'm pretty sure that the readers would love to read whatever it is you'd like to share, and I KNOW it would be my honor. Don't let us down Buzz -- you're on the clock!

Two Words:

Paul Pierce.

Tim Donaghy Thought You Got Calls, Bro

At least by pro athlete standards, LeBron seems like a decent enough guy. He doesn't get upset over hard fouls that aren't dirty, he seems respectful, plays hard, and doesn't mind to smile and have a good time. That said, what can you say about him complaining to the refs in last nights game 6 -- the game where he personally shot more free throws than the entire Boston team? In the same game where Glen Davis got hammered every time he touched the ball, never saw a free-throw, and was called for 5 fouls himself in 15 minutes, you played 47 minutes, shot 15 frees, and were called for exactly 2 fouls. It's a little bit like if Moses had to go back across the Red Sea because he forgot his Teva's and decided that the world just wasn't fair because the water stayed in it's place.

A Slumpbuster Going Into the Offseason

So it's been a loooong time for "Flogging . . .". So long that people noticed. Wow! Here's the question, though -- did my (in my proud papa's mind, at least) strong post before the layoff help at all? I can't see how it would have, which leads me to today's post.

It's halftime of the C's/Cavs game 4, and the announcers (I don't have cable, can't go out for EVERY playoff game [I'm hoping for quite a few more] so I'm listening to a radio feed on-line) mentioned something that I can't help but think is probably THE single-most over-rated thing is sports -- momentum going into the locker room.

Really -- when the teams return for the second half in twenty minutes or whatever, having taken some time to regroup, collect themselves, shoot-around, and re-calibrate generally, who's going to be thinking "Golly, I'm sure glad we were feeling better 20 minutes ago!"

Doesn't halftime kind of kill any sense of momentum, even in the most outrageous of playoff atmospheres? For real now, isn't "momentum going into halftime" kind of like getting really, REALLY wet before toweling off? Could anything mean less?

In fairness, there are other contenders for the crown that represents the pinnacle of meaninglessness in sports. Shots on goal in hockey (only the ones that go in count, right?). 40 times of offensive linemen. Soccer. But even these are at least tangible. Momentum isn't tangible, but we all know it exists . . . but we also know that if a time out can dampen it, halftime stomps it's lifeless corpse into an impotent, unrecognizable husk.


You know what's NOT under-rated, though? Clever endings to blog entries. And I don't have one.