Seriously -- Is this the Best We Can Do?

No question -- The United States is a nation with a shortage. As Opening Day is all but upon us, there are nigh a handful of teams who are genuinely satisfied with their pitching rotation, and probably even less that like the depth of their bullpens. Shortly thereafter, NFL teams will bemoan the fact that there simply aren't 32 NFL level punters or place-kickers to be found. And a swing through your choice of Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Arby's, or Hardee's will make glaringly obvious that our nation comes several million employees shy of however many million employees would be needed to competently staff our food service industry with individuals who can consistently provide reasonable service and the necessary self control to keep the onions off of my wife's sandwich. All of these shortages are regrettable, but also at some level understandable and of negligible long-term impact.

As far as President of the United States goes, however, I fully recognize that to be a truly strong and suitable candidate is no short order -- but come on, people -- we only need one! Is this truly a nation that, in a quest to find the best candidate from the however many million citizens, will eventually settle upon one of the three remaining legitimate possibilities? Seriously now -- is this REALLY the best we can do? Let's have a look at what we're dealing with here, in alphabetical order (so that it'll be something legitimate that I wrote that you decide to hate me for):


Hillary Clinton

Negative: Absolutely polarizing, for one. A member of the Democratic party. Also, you have to question the decision making of somebody who married Bill Clinton, right? I mean, if you voted for the guy that's one thing -- she MARRIED the dude. Plus, taking the capitalistic system that helped make this the greatest nation in the world and pushing it full-force toward socialism might not be a good idea. I don't know . . . how did that work out for the USSR (I miss them, by the way)? How are things in Cuba?

Positive: She ought to know her way around the White House. And let's face it, she pretty much ran the country while her husband was . . . um . . . otherwise incapacitated.

Sports equivalent: Brenda Warner. Even while her husband (who's attributes are still hotly debated) was enjoying his day in the sun, somehow his wife garnered something more than her fair share of the press, lending credibility to the idea that perhaps she had as much or more to say about what went down than he did. Whatever her experience around the big-time, however, there's no real way you're ok with her taking snaps from center on Sunday afternoons, right?


John McCain

Negative: Completely un-inspiring. Really old. A member of the Republican party. Um . . . not much more to say.

Positive: Probably doesn't eat much anymore. Least likely to be an embarrassment (unless a Viagra endorsement deal comes along). Least likely to do any real damage. Or anything else, really.

Sports equivalent: Eric Piatkowski. Your reaction should be one of either 1) "Who?" or 2) "He's still in the league?" Yep, he's still in the league -- he's in Phoenix, incidentally. And he's ok to have on your team . . . if he gets about 10 minutes a game and is on the bench while the game's on the line. If he's your big gun though . . . let's just say that nobody's coming out to see your team play.

Barak Obama

Negative: Every bit as polarizing as Hillary. He's never really done anything. He's young and inexperienced. There are all manner of rumors about the people surrounding him (his pastor, his supporters, his WIFE!) being hate-filled and bigoted.

Positive: He's likable and sure can deliver a speech.

Sports equivalent: Isaiah Thomas. Sure, Thomas had a remarkable career with a basketball in his hands and short-shorts on his . . . um . . . shorts, but his talents just never translated outside of that context. His shortcomings as an analyst ("when Larry, Micheal, and myself were in the league") have paled in comparison to his Matt Millen-like mis-management. He single-handedly bankrupted the CBA, was fired from the Pacers by Larry Bird himself (chuckle), and has completely run the Knicks into the ground (double chuckle). Add to that his "out of the office" issues (sexual harassment suit, Raptors ticket issues) and underlying rumblings of racism and just pure lack of talent recognition ("If Larry Bird was a black guy, he would be just another good guy") and hindsight begins to shine where foresight failed -- maybe putting this cat in charge of stuff wasn't as good of an idea as it may have appeared! Once we include "Bird stole the inbounding pass!!!", the fact that Isaiah had his success with one of the dirtiest teams in NBA history (correlate with a Democrat from Illinois -- I'm just sayin'), and that Isaiah was himself from Illinois, and you'd start to think I was making some of this up.


Really, you're telling me THESE are the best that our nation has to offer? Wow. Just, "wow". Maybe I just haven't been paying enough attention, but never before has Brewster's Millions seemed legitimately prophetic.

Gluttons for Flogging

It happened at 10:15 pm on Thursday March 20. There was no fanfare, no fireworks, and certainly no press coverage. If CNN was aware of the story they either buried it on the cutting room floor or else nobody ever told me that it was a "go" story. But don't be fooled by what the mass media choses not to tell you -- it happened.

Flogging, But With a "B" has now received a hit from every state in the union, as well as the District.

It's the 50+1.

As well as at least 71 other countries, some of which I've never heard of (have the Aland Islands just recently appeared since my college geography class? Was there a big sub-oceanic volcano in a place that has great weather and so it became inhabited and hooked up the internet since I was in college? How does this happen?) (ok, I looked them up, and I guess not), have also stopped in.

I have to say, for a blog that was never actually intended to be read in the first place, it's quite an accomplishment. I never imagined that I'd be able to disappoint such a substantial swath of society with meaninglessness and drivel. I've covered sports and metal, non-sports and Buzz Goertzen, more sports, more metal, and a bit about church/Christ-following and myself. And then some more sports. I could have done it without you, of course, but I didn't. Well, sort of I did. But that's not the point. I don't think? Ok, I have no idea what the point is, but I sure hope it's a good one.

And so the only appropriate things to say at this point would be "thank you" and "I'm sorry." And now I'll try to disappoint you on a somewhat more regular basis than I have been of late!

I'm Not Even Sure I'm a Mile Wide, Really

I'm not all that introspective (do you READ this blog?!?!?), but I had a bit of a self-realization the other day. No, I didn't suddenly come to realize that my true calling was in clogging or cat juggling (honestly, I can't even juggle guinea pigs) or anything crazy like that, and truthfully it wasn't even something positive. I realized that I'm shallow.

There, I said it. I'm shallow.

Now before we all go get a kink in our hose about this, let's take care of what it does NOT mean.

1) It does NOT mean that I don't care about people. I really, genuinely, honestly do. I care a lot, about a lot of people.

2) It's not the same as being superficial. I don't care what people look like, dress like (honestly, one of my best friends wears vests and thinks they're awesome . . .), where they've come from, how much money they make, whatever. None of that crap means anything to me. If you're poor and ugly but laugh at my jokes, I'll like you just fine (if you're thinking "Oh good -- that's me!" . . . wow that's tragic but there are SO many jokes there . . .).

3) It doesn't mean that I can't or don't think deep thoughts. It's not the same as being stupid.

What DOES it mean, then? Basically this, I think -- I don't want to watch a movie that "really makes you think." I'd rather talk about sports than "world events" (the Olympics, by the way, fall into the "world events" category -- see here). I desperately want you to see the same beauty, truth, and freedom in Jesus Christ that I do, but I don't want to "enter into a dialogue that seeks to promote some yada yada whatever". There are jokes to be made and metal to be listened to, and chili dogs don't eat themselves. But do you know what provided the ultimate verification of my self-diagnosed shallow-ness? It really doesn't bother me.

So if you want something deep, click here or here. Note how their blogs aren't team color-themed and they seem to have something to say. Me? I'll probably continue with sports, metal, occasional church stuff, and lots of jokes you don't get. You see, that doesn't bother me either . . . .