If they can put a man on the moon . . .

Was it Seinfeld that had the bit about putting a man on the moon being the standard for competency? Everything that seems like it should be easy (light sauce on my wife's fettuccine alfredo, using a turn signal, customer service people who speak English) is held up against putting a man on the moon to demonstrate gross negligence. Well strangely enough, it seems as though gross negligence is helping us really take things to the next level, because now we not only have put a man on the moon, we're legitimately flirting with the next dimension of flux capacitor-inspired technology -- time travel. Somehow, however, messing with time messes with the future just as a young McFly once learned, and the resultant paradox may not, in the end, result in the destruction of the universe, but things are getting fun regardless.

Here's the (latest) scoop -- in an NBA game on 12/19/07 (happy birthday sis!) in Atlanta, one Mr. Shaquille O'Neil was fouled out of the game after only his 5th foul due to a scoring error. His Miami Heat lost the game but filed an appeal with the league because -- really -- how does this crap happen? The league decided that, due to the competitive disadvantage that resulted from the error, the rest of the game now never happened and they'll replay the last 51 seconds as if we're still back in the days of the undefeated New England Patriots. Pretty bizarre, no? But here's where it gets genuinely jacked up -- Miami just traded O'Neil. That's right -- the player whose incorrect disqualification resulted in the net effect of a backyard do-over won't even be in the building this time. What a tangled web we weave, indeed.

Stuff like this goes on, though. Because a couple of morons from Oklahoma took money from a summer "job" that they didn't work, an entire season of wins has been "vacated". USC's being investigated (we think? where are you, NCAA?) for some funny business that went on with Reggie Bush that could (should? where are you, NCAA?) end with them vacating a Championship and Bush a Hiesman trophy.

Here's the question that plagues me now, though -- if they can "fix" glaring mistakes like these, can the record be straightened on some others? Here's a partial list of errors every bit as egregious as mis-counting to 6 on Shaq:

1) Oklahoma/Oregon on-side kick debacle. Not only does replay CLEARLY show that an Oregon player touched the ball before it went the required 10 yards -- but even then Oklahoma recovered the ball! It was blown 4 different times, really -- the ten yards and the recovery were both blown on the field and in the replay booth. Unfathomable. At least one official was suspended for the rest of the year and that's an Oregon alum who you hear say it's a bad call on the video clip. If the call's made correctly, Oklahoma wins right there. Nonetheless, the record still shows that Oregon won the game. Unfathomable.

2) Colorado's fifth down. What's worse than not counting accurately to six? How about not making it to five? Colorado scored the winning touchdown in the final moments . . . on fifth down. You don't have to be a big football fan to know that there is no such thing as fifth down. Apparently the officials weren't big football fans?

3) Vinny Testaverde scores with his helmet (see the pic about halfway down). On a 4th down play in the waning moments, the officials mistake Testaverde's white helmet for the brown ball and award a game-winning touchdown to the Jets. This is, on some level, the call that brought back instant replay to the NFL, but somehow that didn't help Dennis Erickson keep his job.

4) Hull wins the Cup with a foot on either side. This "goal" ended sudden-death overtime and awarded the Stanley Cup to Dallas. I know you don't know anything about hockey, but suffice to say that you can't score with your foot in the blue ice. His foot's in the crease. Not even close -- and in the biggest moment imaginable.


Now -- if we can replay the end of games from months before, vacate a season of wins years later -- if we can put a man on the frickin' moon -- can't we do *something* about these games? An asterisk? A youtube link? A blog poll? I'm only one man, but if I'll stand for anything, it's trying to not suck.