Self-Stung

There isn't much that I hate more than wasps. They're ugly, they're scary (I'll admit it), and when I was about 10 I got absolutely rocked by one right on my lower lip and it hurt worse than about anything I'd ever experienced. I really, really hate (and am scared of) wasps.

It just so happens, however, that our backyard is insanely infested with wasps. When I try to mow in the late morning, I can seriously stand and look at the back of our fence and count five or so within my range of vision at any given moment. If I bump a part of the fence with the mower, six or eight will fly up all disturbed and then disturb me in kind. It makes an unpleasant but not-unreasonable task into an absolute gauntlet of terror.

So how excited was I when my lovely bride tells me that she saw a trap at the store for $15? I went on-line to check them out and I was sold. It looked like there could be a hundred of those little devils inside a trap, and that's exactly what I was after, so we went for it.

After about a week, the trap was still wasp-free. I couldn't believe it. On the company's website, they like swarmed to it. So what do I do about the disappointingly impotent wasp trap? I did the only reasonable thing -- I went and bought another one. Now there are two traps with no wasps, and here's why this is discouraging for me:

The three principles of the situation, in order of intelligence:
1) The Wasps. They send me running scared and stay out of the traps.
2) The Trap Company. They sold me a product that didn't work, and then sold me another one.
3) Me. I'm still deathly afraid of the wasps, whose numbers have not been reduced by one despite my best efforts; and I've given the trap company my money twice for a product that hasn't worked once. The obvious conclusion? I'm a scared, broke moron.

Bullish

Be honest, it DID kind of look like the Celtics sleep-walked through the first half of game 1, didn't it? But after an incredibly intense series, I have to take back some of my rage after that loss. I underestimated the B*lls (hint: It's not Bills, Bells, Balls, Bolls, or Bylls) and am quite happy to just get out of the series alive. Thoughts:

1) Incredible. Really, really incredible. Whoever doesn't watch the NBA missed out big. On the whole it's not as compelling as college, it's true, but watch THIS series and then tell me it's boring.

2) The B*lls played great. I hate them, but that's the truth. Gordon, Rose, Salmons. Those cats brought it.

3) No new news, but I love Paul Pierce. Did anybody else hear his interview after he single-handedly lifted his team to victory in Game 5? The reporter asked something about how they find the energy to keep going with all the overtimes and all. Paul smiled (doesn't happen often!) and said something to the effect of "Oh man, this is fun! We'll play seven overtimes if we need to." Pro athletes are asked stupid questions all the time, and they NEVER get it right. Paul got it right. Nice. It's a job for them, I get it, but it's supposed to be fun. Thanks Paul, for restoring just a little bit of faith in pro sports/athletes.

4) So the Magic are next. We'll see, but without KG, it's going to be rough. And if they can pull it off, the Cavs are almost for sure just too tough. Still, better than going out to the B*lls.