Flogging, But With a "B"

The Blindside

2009-11-15T21:39:00.003-06:00

Let's be honest here -- "Flogging" is pretty much dead. Once in a while, though, I feel that something demands my attention. Here's the item for today:

When you see a trailer for a sports movie (or, more accurately, a film that describes itself as a "sports movie") and the only name that is mentioned is Sandra Bullock, I feel like I can confidently assert that any legitimate sports fan who goes in expecting a legitimate sports movie will leave discouraged and disappointed.

Rush to Judgment

2009-10-13T11:24:00.004-06:00

Didn't this used to be the United States?

I'm going to start by admitting that I used to be a Limbaugh fan. It was about 15 years ago (WOW am I getting old), but it's true.

But with the current uproar about his potentially buying the St. Louis Rams my current ambivalence toward him personally is turning toward shame in our once great country. How can your political positions make you ineligible to make a purchase? Seriously! Isn't that the very foundation of a free country? Some people want to restrict another person's marketplace options because of his opinions? Wow, and wow.

Other recent thoughts:

So Obama got an award for doing nothing. So what? I'm diametrically opposed to most of his politics (when I pay enough attention to care, which is . . . pretty much never), but am annoyed with everybody being annoyed that he got an award. Good for him. Who cares?

Did anybody else see that Phillies/Rockies game last night? Wow, wow, and wow. It can't be all coincidence that flu season and baseball post-season happen at the same time, because this can't be good for any fan's health. But WOW what a way to take a series home.

Finally, in some legitimate personal big news, I'm about to up and move to take a job leading a small church in Dover, NH. I know, who goes to New Hampshire? Me, as it turns out. Also, it turns out that it's a pretty cool area and we're excited to see what God might do there. Just wish that we weren't going to pull in just in time for winter. Oh, the sacrifices. . . .

The Old Man of the Mountain and Bubbles

2009-09-25T18:05:00.004-06:00

For centuries the mountains of New Hampshire were overlooked by The Old Man of the Mountain. Local culture to some, a God to others, and simply an interesting natural formation to others, the Old Man's influence meant different things to different people, but was universally recognized and appreciated, at least on some level. Until May 3, 2003, at least, when decades of weather and exposure dropped him clean off the mountain. Some saw the event as nothing more than nature taking it's course while others have drawn correlations between the collapse and the deterioration of New Hampshire culture.

Yesterday the Lion who overlooks my office specifically and the eastern-most portion of Bayport Road generally was washed over in white. With only one win in their last 26 games, it will be hard to pin any further deterioration of the franchise on the icon's disappearance. The old logo was updated in the off-season, making his glory outdated even as he watched, but glorious he remained. Until last night, that is, when he went to join the Old Man in the New Hampshire rubble.

Let him who has ears hear. (Or whatever the internet equivalent of hearing would be.)

Metal Was Great, Redux

2009-08-28T13:44:00.002-06:00

At the end of last year, as has been my tradition, I let loose with a completely premature "best of" top 10 list for metal/hardcore albums in 2008. Of course I hadn't heard all that I should have/needed to, and for what it's worth I still haven't (most notably Mirror of Dead Faces and InExordium), but I've heard a lot more. So here goes the "other" tradition -- a more finalized top ten with some more music digested and a few months of perspective.

But first, some honorable mention:

Azmaveth -- Strong as Death: The whole album wasn't as strong as the samples I'd heard, but this still has to be the best Christ-influenced black metal that Puerto Rico has produced, right?

Austrian Death Machine -- Total Brutal: If there's a better joke band (musically or jokingly) around, I haven't heard them.

Once Nothing -- First Came the Law: They've broken up and are again nothing, I suppose, but not before they took us on a riiiiiiiiiiiiide!

Soul Embraced -- Dead Alive: Dead Alive? Is that like True Lies? Don't get me wrong, this isn't on True Lies level, but it's quite good still.

Miseration -- Your Demons - Their Angels: A little overblown as far as the hype went in my opinion, but I guess if something has to be hyped you could do a lot worse.

And now, the winners:

10) The Famine -- The Raven and the Reaping: A great album, but if only it was as heavy as their live show it would be top 5.

9) Once Dead -- Visions of Hell: Yeah, so the production got jacked up and it sounds like it was recorded in 1988. Great songs are still great songs, and this one delivers 'em.

8) Divine Symphony -- The History: Brazil has produced about a thousand Christ-influenced metal bands in the last couple years, but with only Eric Bruntlett-like "success." Divine Symphony represents the one home run for the year (wait -- Bruntlett still hasn't hit one -- well, here's to hoping).

7) With Faith or Flames -- A Conquest Triumphant: What is that like "Paper or plastic?" Ummm. . . faith, please. Don't have to think to hard on that one. Oh, and extra metal!

6) Call to Preserve -- From Isolation: On a certain level this isn't all that special, but I just keep coming back to it. Probably the best tough-guy hardcore band currently active in the scene.

5) Synnove -- The Wh0re and the Bride: I like this title a lot better than my web filter does. I saw this marketed as "epic and aggressive" and I can't find two better words for it myself.

4) War of Ages -- Arise and Conquer: These cats are churning out great albums with a speed and consistency that I don't think I've ever seen matched.

3) Sympathy -- Anagogic Tyranny: In many ways this "should" be at number one. Unmatched in brutality and technicality, but it just needs a little more personality and memorability to take me where I'd like to go. Nonetheless, a remarkably outstanding album.

2) MyChildren MyBride -- Unbreakable: The exact opposite of Sympathy, where on one level there's nothing all that remarkable going on here. Except for -- oh yeah -- brilliantly compelling and memorable songs.

1) Enshrouding -- Volitale Times: Here's one I didn't see coming. A one-man project out of nowhere (or at least he won't say where) that was only replicated into 100 units and "released" (if you can even call it that) with absolutely no fanfare or expectation. But it captures everything that's right and good (ha ha -- that will really chap off the black metal elitists, won't it?) about raw, primitive black metal in such a way that probably only Dark Endless (equally impossible to find in 2009, I'm afraid) really comes close to. Don't bother looking for this one though, it's gone.

Legitimately, the titles at the top here aren't quite up to par for a yearly best-of, and although there were tons of strong and worthwhile releases, the superior few at the very top of the bell curve didn't quite show up. Do note, however, that Becoming the Archetype was removed from the list because (even though it was out in '08) the copyright is '09, and along with them bands like August Burns Red have already assured us of a monumental 2009 for metal. So look forward to those heading up a strong but pre-mature '09 list in a couple of months. Wohoo!

It's Just Funny

2009-08-12T21:09:00.001-06:00

Tonight the Phillies inserted 37 year-old Pedro Martinez into their starting rotation. . . and it got 9 years younger.

Cliff Notes

2009-08-07T18:37:00.002-06:00

It's been a long time since I've posted, but you have to understand -- I'm lazy. Doesn't it all make sense now?

One of the big happenings in the interim was the baseball trading deadline, and from a Phillies perspective what a soap opera. For a month or so solid all we would hear about is that they "led" in the chase for Roy Halliday and that he would obviously put us over the top and probably make us favorites to win a 2nd straight World Championship. As the deadline approached, however, various "sources" said that the Jays were asking for Drabek (stud pitching prospect), Taylor (stud outfield prospect), and Happ (young guy who's 8-2 with an ERA under 3 in the bigs right now). So my thought was to do the deal -- if they let us replay the bottom of the 9th of Game 6 from '93! Are you kidding? Seriously, no wonder nobody made a deal -- the whole "firstborn son" was a big price to ask for, Rumplestilskin.

So instead we gave up 4 different and somewhat less intriguing prospects (and decent ones at that -- it was no gift to be sure) for Cliff Lee. Happ stays in town and in the rotation, Lee gets added, and guys with value but nowhere to play (Donald, at least) get shuffled off. GREAT deal -- unless someone else picks up Halliday. I was scared to death the Dodgers would step up, but no. He remains a Jay, and all of the sudden the playoffs are basically assured and another parade is a distinct possibility. Wow do I love baseball.

In the meantime, the C's add a legitimate front court All-Star to come off the bench, as well as another big body to throw fouls at Shaq in the Eastern Conference Finals this year, plus a commitment from some back court depth from Indiana, PLUS Baby might still be back. This might be the deepest team we've had, as if we can steer clear of the injuries that took us down last year the playoffs should be absolutely epic.

Not to mention that OU was one of exactly 4 teams that received at least one first-place in the pre-season coaches poll, and deservedly so. Whoever gets out of the Red River Shootout this year (as often, of course), is going to be pretty tough to take down. Here's to a rematch from last January, but in Pasadena this time. (Side note -- the last 4 times that OU has played for a national championship, on a "neutral" site, it's been in the home state of the opposing team. Seriously, Florida State at the Orange Bowl in 2000, LSU at the Sugar Bowl a couple years back, Florida at the Orange Bowl last year, and that's not to mention The Game of which We Do Not Speak, which happened to be against a team from southern California in Pasadena. Not whining, just pointing out.)

Finally, lost in all the excitement of legitimately contending teams -- camp has opened and we have reason to believe that the Lions may win a game this year!

I TOLD You It Was a Crazy Month

2009-07-10T13:56:00.004-06:00

And this might have been the craziest and the most fun. Sorry (again) for the delay in this, but the following really happened. These pictures are real, and there's more where they came from. Even the Courier-Journal's "Wedding Crasher" showed up and snapped a few (I'm sure you can still find them if you search for the Powell-Mudd wedding at courier-journal.com). I officiated a pirate/fairy themed wedding.

I'll be honest, when they first told me what they wanted to do I was a touch unsure. Now they were willing to jump through enough hoops for me to be sure that they were serious about the marriage and I've always thought that the wedding ought to be however the bride and groom chose, but when they said they'd be dressed as pirates and fairies, well, that gave me a chance to see how much I really believed that. But fair enough -- it's their wedding, if they'll show me they're serious, I'll roll with it. And so they did, and so I did.

And it was awesome. Don't get me wrong, I think being able to join two individuals in Christian marriage is one of the greatest privileges around (2nd only to baptism, probably), but it's not necessarily something that I get all jacked up about. It's time and stress and being around people's families at, all too often, their worst. But this one? This was just fun. Check out the pics below, they're not the best but they're the best that I have.

And now, Mudd and Rachel, it's up to you two make your marriage as awesome as your wedding. God be with you, it can be done.

Note on colors -- although the free-agent signing of a bona-fide all-star IS worth keeping Flogging green, we're approaching the "other" all-star break, and the Phillies are in first. Here's to another parade this October, fellas!!!

Crusin'

2009-06-21T20:37:00.003-06:00

There are a lot of things that most people love that I just never quite "got."

In high school, for instance, one of the "big" events (if there were any "big" events in small-town South Dakota) was cruising. I never much did it, but I guess the concept was . . . driving around. Maybe stopping and hanging out with other cruisers too, I don't know. Like I said, I never quite "got" the whole deal. Maybe it had something to do with that I just wasn't very popular -- nobody wanted to cruise with me, nor talk to me while cruising -- but whatever the reason, it was really never my thing.

Obviously there's no correlation beyond the word, but fast-forward to 2009, and everybody loves vacationing on cruise ships. What's the hype about? I would wonder. What is there to do on a ship that I can't do at home? I don't like to sit by the pool, and frankly we have pools in Louisville. If I wanted to gamble, that can be accommodated with a modest drive. Really, what's the deal? "Oh, the food is incredible, and it's everywhere!" people would say. Cool, I can get with some good food. "The cabin boys come and fold towels into animal shapes!" others would exclaim. Ummmm, ok.

Nonetheless, Laura's always loved the idea of a cruise, and so with our 10 year anniversary coming up, I thought it might be time to give it a shot. I took her to Iowa for our honeymoon, after all, so I figured I could step my game up. Mobile AL to Cozumel and another port near Playa del Carmen Mexico it would be, then.

I still don't get it. The food was fantastic and in abundance. I dug it. The towel animals were surprisingly fun. The ports were nice, we went snorkling which was exceptional even for an anti-water guy such as myself and saw some Mayan ruins, which was interesting.

But seriously, what there was worth a week of my life? We did a lot of napping and reading on the boat. Which is fine, but I can do those as well from here (already have today, thank you!). Of course it was great to spend some time with my lovely bride, but we do a pretty good job of making that happen in our regular lives, too. And most importantly, she had a good time, but after about three days I think we were both ready to be back at home.

Much like this post, then, I just didn't quite get what the point was.

Figure This?

2009-06-14T21:46:00.005-06:00

Alright, this hasn't been updated in a long time, but there are reasons. For one, it's been a pretty crazy month. For another, I'm lazy. So I'm behind, but because I am who I am, I'll start at the beginning and work chronologically. That means we start with:

Do you remember when your college buddies, after about eight beers, would say "Do you know what someone should do? *Fill in the blank with ridiculous -- although potentially hilarious if it ever happened in real life, but there's NO WAY that whatever this is ever takes place in real life -- idea* Dude, that would be incredible! They should really do it, too. You KNOW people would pay to see that. I'd pay to see that, wouldn't you? Someone really should do that!" Well, apparently someone across the river in Southern Indiana took their drunk friend seriously and made one of these things happen. That's right, Laura and I enjoyed some school bus figure-8 races about a month ago. The pics are from my phone so excuse their inadequacy, but here we go:

So, yep! School bus figure-8 racing turns out to be pretty much exactly what it sounds like. School buses crashing into each other and causing general unruliness. What more can you say about that?

Anyway, it's been an extremely eventful month even after that, so stay tuned for more updates, hopefully within the month.

Self-Stung

2009-05-14T17:02:00.002-06:00

There isn't much that I hate more than wasps. They're ugly, they're scary (I'll admit it), and when I was about 10 I got absolutely rocked by one right on my lower lip and it hurt worse than about anything I'd ever experienced. I really, really hate (and am scared of) wasps.

It just so happens, however, that our backyard is insanely infested with wasps. When I try to mow in the late morning, I can seriously stand and look at the back of our fence and count five or so within my range of vision at any given moment. If I bump a part of the fence with the mower, six or eight will fly up all disturbed and then disturb me in kind. It makes an unpleasant but not-unreasonable task into an absolute gauntlet of terror.

So how excited was I when my lovely bride tells me that she saw a trap at the store for $15? I went on-line to check them out and I was sold. It looked like there could be a hundred of those little devils inside a trap, and that's exactly what I was after, so we went for it.

After about a week, the trap was still wasp-free. I couldn't believe it. On the company's website, they like swarmed to it. So what do I do about the disappointingly impotent wasp trap? I did the only reasonable thing -- I went and bought another one. Now there are two traps with no wasps, and here's why this is discouraging for me:

The three principles of the situation, in order of intelligence:
1) The Wasps. They send me running scared and stay out of the traps.
2) The Trap Company. They sold me a product that didn't work, and then sold me another one.
3) Me. I'm still deathly afraid of the wasps, whose numbers have not been reduced by one despite my best efforts; and I've given the trap company my money twice for a product that hasn't worked once. The obvious conclusion? I'm a scared, broke moron.

Bullish

2009-05-03T17:22:00.004-06:00

Be honest, it DID kind of look like the Celtics sleep-walked through the first half of game 1, didn't it? But after an incredibly intense series, I have to take back some of my rage after that loss. I underestimated the B*lls (hint: It's not Bills, Bells, Balls, Bolls, or Bylls) and am quite happy to just get out of the series alive. Thoughts:

1) Incredible. Really, really incredible. Whoever doesn't watch the NBA missed out big. On the whole it's not as compelling as college, it's true, but watch THIS series and then tell me it's boring.

2) The B*lls played great. I hate them, but that's the truth. Gordon, Rose, Salmons. Those cats brought it.

3) No new news, but I love Paul Pierce. Did anybody else hear his interview after he single-handedly lifted his team to victory in Game 5? The reporter asked something about how they find the energy to keep going with all the overtimes and all. Paul smiled (doesn't happen often!) and said something to the effect of "Oh man, this is fun! We'll play seven overtimes if we need to." Pro athletes are asked stupid questions all the time, and they NEVER get it right. Paul got it right. Nice. It's a job for them, I get it, but it's supposed to be fun. Thanks Paul, for restoring just a little bit of faith in pro sports/athletes.

4) So the Magic are next. We'll see, but without KG, it's going to be rough. And if they can pull it off, the Cavs are almost for sure just too tough. Still, better than going out to the B*lls.

It's Playoff Time

2009-04-18T13:43:00.002-06:00

Isn't it? I sure hope not -- I sure hope I didn't just watch my team sleepwalk through a home playoff loss to the Ch*c*g* B*lls. It sure looked to me like they were playing some sort of an extended exhibition, because I've seen them in the playoffs, and it didn't look anything at all like that.

I know Garnett's down, and any realistic chance of hanging Banner Number Eighteen went with him. I get that. But that's no reason to drop Game 1 to the freaking B*lls. So I'm doing my part -- Flogging's going green. Now let's see you do your part, and I don't want to see another loss this round.

If You Have Nothing Worthwile to Write. . .

2009-04-15T13:15:00.002-06:00

Just a thought I had the other day -- what happened to colors? I mean colors used to be colors, right, like red, blue, yellow, purple, whatever. Not that the cardinal colors or whatever were sufficient, but of course we weren't necessarily limited to those, so it was ok. We could modify any color in any number of ways. No, not shackled simply to "blue" we could have light blue or dark blue. When light and dark aren't enough, we could even modify it with adjectives from outside the traditional realm of color. "Sky blue," "electric blue," "sea blue," "midnight blue," the opportunities are almost endless. Even if they're not endless, however, we could combine colors -- "blue-green" or what have you. And now the opportunities really are virtually endless.

And all of this before we even get into the colors that we don't really make use of anyway, like fuchsia, indigo, magenta, crimson, vermilion, mauve, teal, and taupe, to name a few.

Why is it, then, that things have suddenly become colors?

You guys, salmon isn't a color, it's a fish. Charcoal isn't a color, it's a carbon residue (I'll admit, I had to look that one up). Rasberry isn't a color, it's a berry. Our sofa is considered "mocha" (although it cost less). Mocha isn't a color, it's a freaking flavor!

Now I confess, there's no good reason why this should bother me. It's purely a product of my own mild nueroses, and I understand that. But still, where will this end? Will it stop with fish, berries, and flavors? Who's to say that it won't get worse and worse until someday someone describes something that's a sort of pale, unattractive pink (see how I just took a real color and modified it for a more specific purpose?) as simply "Ross." Besides, it had been too long since I'd written anything on here, and I just had nothing better to say.

The Devil's In the Q&A

2009-04-04T14:58:00.003-06:00

So not too long ago Mark Driscoll and anther person debated the existence of Satan with a couple other guys on Nightline. I didn't hear about it until after it was done, but then I was curious, especially since mostly all my pastor said about it was about Driscoll's shirt. I didn't really care about the shirt, I wanted to see the debate. So I youtube'd it. It's up in about 10 segments if you're interested.

Anyway, at the end they had an audience question bit. I always hate those. They just never go well when the average person tries to expose the brilliant person (that goes for both sides of this, as well as most any other, issue). Anyway, one woman directed a comment to Driscoll that his belief that Jesus is the only way to God was arrogant and narrow-minded (or some variation of thereof). My question is simply, "Can we do away with this once and for all?"

At the heart of the idea is, essentially, the belief that, if you think you're right and others are wrong, you should think differently and be more open/tolerant/whatever of different beliefs. Isn't it really the same as saying "You think differently than I do, and you ought to change to think more like me?" Isn't that the exact same thing?

Look, the Christ-followers who are happy that those who aren't connected to Christ are headed to a God-less eternity need to be slapped down, absolutely. And there surely are arrogant Christ-followers just like there are arrogant athiests, agnostics, Muslims, Scientologists, whatever. But is there anything arrogant about believing something? Do you believe that there is? Is that arrogant?

Christ-followers shouldn't be throwing stones at those who believe differently, and a lot of them (us, to be honest) have done way too much of it. But it just makes no more sense for those who think differently than us to throw stones at us for believing differently.

Can we please agree on that?

I'll Be Honest

2009-03-29T17:41:00.003-06:00

I was hoping for some good fan karma on that last post. Not that the sentiments weren't genuine, and I know that having shots fall is too much to ask, but why couldn't the universe pay me back with -- oh, I don't know -- some hustle on defense? A sense of urgency when you're down double-digits in the 2nd half of a tournament game? Every member of the opposing team cramping up simultaneously for an hour or so (which just *might* have been long enough to creep back into contention)?

For real, I'm starting to question whether this karma deal has any validity at all. I know it goes against the philosophy of so many, but is it possible that what I type into my keyboard here doesn't effect the game in Memphis? What's next, are we also to believe that the announcers calling somebody a good free throw shoooter doesn't suddenly and drastically lower their chance of hitting? Are we to believe that mentioning that we're having a decent day at work doesn't suddenly cause chaos to ensue? I know, I know. I'm taking this loss awfully hard and talking crazy. There just has to be a more reasonable explanation, right?

Respect and Sympathies, Card Nation

2009-03-29T14:25:00.004-06:00

UofL fans, you're the classiest and most reasonable fan base, college or pro, that I've lived with. A few bad apples, of course (not to name names, but the guy on WKRD at 3:00 who yells about everything isn't much of an ambassador), but across the board you're excellent fans and beautiful people. You know that I'm no fan of your team, but you deserved a far better finish than what you got today. I know it' s no consolation, but for your sake, I'm sorry.

Foul This

2009-03-22T18:06:00.002-06:00

A few thoughts after a weekend of watching more basketball than I've probably seen all year:

1) Despite the relative lack of upsets, it's still been a great first weekend with some great games. Siena/Ohio State was incredible, and Wisconsin/Florida St. going on simultaneous to it was great also. Oklahoma St./Tennessee was excellent, and even though they all escaped, the top seeds had some real tests in the 2nd round. So don't let anybody look at all the high seeds left and say that it's sucked. Maybe it's a little more exciting when the upsets happen, but there were still plenty of great games.

2) On a different note, I hate that all the chalky's brackets are being rewarded. Don't get me wrong, I didn't take ETSU to the Final Four, and my bracket's even doing all right (except for my runner-up Wake Forest -- they DO put the "demon" in "deacons" don't they? Wasn't the ACC supposed to be all powerful and crap? Ridiculous!), but they guy currently leading my bracket pool chose nobody higher than a 5 seed in the round of 16, and the basketball gods have been smiling upon him. *sigh*

3) Does anybody else think that basketball would be a better game if they just made it a foul everytime somebody swatted or grabbed a ball that was clearly in another player's control? Swats and grabs are difficult to officiate and result in a lot of bad calls, plus it's basketball, not wrestling. If one dude has the ball the other team should try to take it away through stolen passes or playing sound positional defense, not swatting or grabbing. I'm not asking for more fouls, of course, as much as less reaching, poking, grabbing, swatting. I just think it would make for a cleaner more entertaining, more skill-oriented game.

4) What is it about some players that they show their parents about 6 times during every game, but never any "other" parents? Are the other 9 dudes on the court at any given time orphans or what? Seriously, how many times have we seen the parents of Blake and Taylor Griffen (I've been watching OU all year, of course, and it happens about 6 times during EVERY home game), the kid from Siena whose father has ALS, and the 7"1' 290 lb mountain of a man from UNI? Answer: a LOT. How about the parents from every other player in the tournament? None. Can anybody explain this to me? I ask a lot of rhetorical questions on here, but I'm really kind of curious if anybody could explain this one to me.

5) Great. The next OU game is simultaneous to the next UofL game. And the on-line feeds haven't worked for me. So what? Do I try to go out and arm wrestle for a table somewhere? I'm 145 and arm wrestling really isn't my thing. This really isn't supposed to be an issue this late in the tournament, is it? Oh, to be in a place where the local team is out and nobody cares anymore.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2009-03-20T09:57:00.004-06:00

A handful of quick thoughts after day 1 of the greatest sporting event in the history of sporting events:

1) By bracket's doing GREAT! Which can only mean one thing -- it all falls apart today. At least OU's through.

2) It's one day, and I'm already sick to death of about 6 specific commercials. I know, they keep it free, and so it's a good trade-off. But still, can we get a *little* variety? How many more times am I going to have to watch the dude jump his bike or the kid dodge-ball himself? Sonic at least has a couple different ones, but they're also recycled from years gone by ("Don't you BRING that weak tot action!" That line always gets me, I admit.). *Sigh*

3) The cheap shots on B Griffen have to stop. Seriously. It was ridiculous when the thug from USC blasted him in the package. Did anybody have any idea that things would actually get WORSE from there?

4) Can anybody else get the on-line video feed to work? I sure couldn't. Again, *Sigh*.

Why Don't Christians Get It?

2009-03-06T12:09:00.002-06:00

We live in a fallen world. Of course we do. A fallen world is full of jacked-up stuff. Of course it is. But the fallen world is filled with beautiful, valuable people whom Jesus loves and died for.

Why is it, then (not really asking), that so many of us Christ-followers chose to shake our fists in anger at the fallen world in which we live then to go love some of the beautiful people who need a connection with Christ?

*sigh*

Giving Up Lent?

2009-02-24T19:22:00.002-06:00

So it's that time of the year again when good Catholics and thoughtful Protestants give up something (sort of) dear to them for Lent. It's kind of beautiful, I've always thought. Voluntarily giving up something that we (a little bit, anyway) love in thankfulness and dedication to the one who gave up far more for us.

Here's the thought I had today, though. How does this come off from Jesus' perspective? I'm sure that he appreciates the sentiment and all that. I think he's pretty good about motives and stuff like that. But is he really honored by people self-imposing sacrifices on themselves? Really, didn't he come so that our lives would improve and so we would NOT have to make sacrifices OT style? I know Lent isn't an OT thing, and I'm not even necessarily against it here, but I'm thinking it's a little ironic. If you couldn't pay your electric bill and I hit it for you, would I then be honored if you didn't use any from 8-10 each night to remember how I hooked you up? NO!!! I'd say "Hit the flippin' lights and microwave a burrito -- that's why I payed your bill for you!"

Again, I really do appreciate the sentiment and have always respected those (especially Protestants, who didn't "have to") who participated. I'm just thinking thoughts and asking questions, that's all. I know, I hate it when people think thoughts and ask questions about my life, too. Fair enough.

Thoughts On Surviving

2009-02-12T20:39:00.004-06:00

So the current series of Survivor just premiered, and offers appropriate (read: meaningless) blog fodder.

The girl who got voted out tossed around a popular catch-phrase at one point by describing herself as "not afraid to speak my mind." This often goes hand-in-hand with it's sisters, "I have the right to voice my opinion," "I'll say what I want to say," and the ever-popular "I gave him/her/them a piece of my mind!"

Sure, you DO have the right to voice your opinion. And being "not afraid" to say what legitimately needs to be said can surely be necessary at times. But before you do, consider that we also have a right dislike you for it, and there's a very good chance that although you might like to think (and tell us) that it makes you "a strong person who others might be intimidated by" or some such, it's more likely that we don't want to hear it and you're just obnoxious to be around. There's also something to be said for tact and restraint, considering the other point of view, and living at peace with everybody as much as depends on you (as Paul would say).

In other words, remember Carolina.

Wade Into Survivor!

2009-02-08T20:26:00.004-06:00

I don't watch a lot of tv. I watch even less "reality" tv. And at that, even LESS Survivor. I watched season 2, only because a guy I (sort of) knew from high school was on. (I don't know if I ever actually spoke to him, but my sister and wife knew him, and I knew his older brother. And he was from our small South Dakota town, and so it was kind of cool) And then I watched the next season before we got sick of it. Haven't seen an episode since.

Here comes another one, though! One of the contestants on the new season starting this Thursday is something of an acquaintance from my past. "Friend" is probably too strong a term -- we didn't hang out on the weekends or grab barbeque between classes -- but we were "friendly" and he was one of the few people who didn't mock my band to my face and even came to our shows.

So I say watch Survivor on Thursdays and cheer for "Coach" Ben Wade!!! The early word is that he's probably going to come across as arrogant and you probably won't like him, but all appearances are that he'll go far in the game and provide good tv. Go coach, go!

I hate to laugh at the misfortune of others . . . BUT

2009-02-04T15:11:00.001-06:00

I haven't posted in a bit here, mostly because I haven't had much to post about.

Today I came across maybe the greatest page in the history of the web. GOSH I hope I'm never on there, although somehow this post and Murphy's Law make me a good candidate. I'll take my chances, however, to share it with you, loyal reader(s?).

Failblog.org

Enjoy, but enjoy knowing that you very well could be next.

Stereotypes Are No Fun, Now

2009-01-22T19:25:00.003-06:00

but sometimes the comedy just writes itself.

A "fan" came onto the court to apparently yell at officials at a college basketball game this week. Click here for the video if you like, although it's not all that remarkable, really. And also not that remarkable, is that they're now going to beef up security. Again largely unremarkable, but click here for the story if you like. From the story, however, here's what IS remarkable:

"The college said uniformed Providence police officers will now be positioned behind team benches during games at the Dunkin' Donuts Center and that more security guards would also be used."

That's right, more police officers at the Dunkin' Donuts Center. Like I said, sometimes the comedy just writes itself.

Do They Teach Economics At OU?

2009-01-14T19:07:00.003-06:00

Apparently not, but that's a great thing!

It's just been announced that EVERY OU player with remaining eligibility -- including Heisman Trophy winner and possible #1 overall pick Sam Bradford -- is coming back for another run at a championship. 4 players considered bolting for the cash, and all four decided to stay. Don't get me wrong -- there are some losses to graduation (most of the line, the more workmanlike of the receivers, a starting safety), but next year the defense should be monstrous and the best quarterback in the nation will either throw to the best tight end in the nation or hand off to either of the returning 1,000 yard rushers. They would have been good with them gone, but they'll be murder with them back. Boomer.

O For 09

2009-01-09T00:01:00.004-06:00

So I have to be at work in 6 hours, but after coming out on the short end of a National Championship game, sleep isn't likely right now. So here are some thoughts:

1) Congratulations to Florida. I hate them, of course. But they won the game, they get the trophy, and that's really about the size of it.

2) Congratulations also to Utah. Great year and big win over Alabama. In no way, however, is there any kind of national championship. "Claim" whatever you want. "Recognize" whatever you want. I may claim a championship for my 8th grade boys basketball team, but who cares? You can't "win" a championship if you're not playing in the championship game, you see. And if you argue that it isn't "fair," I guess I don't really care. Here's the deal -- the minute you strap on your Utah gear, you basically forfeit any chance to play for the national championship. Play in a BCS conference, and then you'll have your chance.

(Side note -- I happened to listen to far too much sports talk radio this last week, and it's pretty much unanimous that it was an "incredible" win over Alabama. Doesn't that say it all? Was Florida's win "incredible?" Would Oklahoma's have been? No. Of course not. And it just goes to show that even the media members who say that Utah should (or does!) have the championship are implicitly acknowledging that there's a discrepancy between them and the schools that play for the championship for real.)

3) T** T**** (OH MY GOSH!!! Pee Wee Herman was RIGHT to worry, T** T****'s name actually HAS been worn out!) is probably a legitimate good guy. Ok, good. I hope he is. But the taunting as the game wound down sure forfeited any claim to the "high road" that he or the team would have had. Not calling him a bad guy or claiming that OU players are any better -- every team has their quality people and their obnoxious jerks -- just saying that the high road is gone.

4) In what turns out to be a fortuitous twist for me, I'm not the antichrist. After the Celtics and Phillies both take home the hardware in the same year, there had been some questions asked. I can only imagine that that trickle of speculation would have expanded into a hurricane if I were to be ordering another championship dvd instead of writing this post.

5) I'm already dreading the "Bob can't win BCS game" trash talk. I've always thought those were the most ridiculous slams possible. So he's lost 5 straight BCS games. So he's lost his last 3 National Championship games. How about you? Unless you're doing better (anyone? Bueller, anyone?) how are you going to slam the team that makes a splash every single year? It's like making fun of me because I keep getting dumped by supermodel girlfriends after 6 months when you're hoping to take Kathy Bates out for chili-cheese fries. Win a championship (just to get to even!) and be in a BCS game every year, and then talk. Or better yet, be gracious about it and just enjoy your sucess. But of course, you haven't HAD that kind of success, so that doesn't really apply to you, does it? (the chili-cheese fries are EXTRA good dipped in ranch, huh?)

6) I'm coming home from work tomorrow and watching my Celtics and Phillies championship dvd's. It's going to be great. I'm actually wearing a Phillies Championship sweatshirt right now.

Metal Was Great in 2008!

2009-01-04T19:55:00.004-06:00

I think I have one reader who listens to metal. But let's be honest -- this blog isn't really written for readers anyway. So, just because I want to, here's a year-end top 10 from my world of metal (and hardcore).

Of course, I haven't heard every record from 2008, so in fairness to some that I've missed, here are a few who would have been most likely to have made the list but for eluding my grasp:

Azmaveth -- Strong as Death: What I've heard of this has absolutely ripped.

In Exordium -- In Exordium: The new Paramaecium playing death metal? How did I not find a way to get ahold of this? I should be ashamed of myself, and I am.

Mirror of Dead Faces -- Lamentation: Everybody who's heard this raves. But metal raves, not like techno raves.

Synnove -- The Wh0re and the Bride: This band was kind of considered marginal until this effort, which is "supposed" to be fantastic.

One album that I have no idea what to do with:

Frost Like Ashes -- Born to Pieces: On musical merit, this is easily top 10. But they call it an ep, and even though it's 10 tracks, there are only 2 new songs, a couple re-recordings, and a Johnny Cash cover? There's just no category for this.

Finally a couple honorable mention that were good listens but didn't crack the final list:

For Today -- Ekklesia: Why were bands like For Today and Nodes of Ranvier not around when I was growing up in the Midwest? Oh yeah, because the members were probably about 4.

My Silent Wake -- A Garland of Tears: A good album, but not up to snuff with last year's outstanding Anatomy of Melancholy.

Once Nothing -- First Came the Law: More fun "Southern metal." From Pittsburgh?

And finally, the winners:

10. Call to Preserve -- From Isolation: Probably the best tough-guy hardcore band going right now.

9. Austrian Death Machine -- Total Brutal: Easily the best joke band in the history of the world. And while the music is admittedly trite and generic, it's listenable, too.

8. Holy Blood -- The Patriot: It has to be tough to follow up the completely brilliant Waves Are Dancing.

7. Soul Embraced -- Dead Alive: An impressive return. Maybe more bands should take a few years off.

6. The Famine -- The Raven and the Reaping: The embodiment of brutality and chaotic death/metalcore.

5. Once Dead -- Visions of Hell: Depending on your persective, you may have waited 3, 16, or even 18 years for this. Regardless, it proved worthwhile and the best old-school thrash album in what feels like forever.

4. MyChildren MyBride -- Unbreakable: Some people rip on this for not being original. Fair enough, but I'll bet that those people go to Wendy's when MyChildren MyBride are feasting at Fuddruckers.

3. War of Ages -- Arise & Conquer: These cats have it down. A great album that takes the next step forward from Pride of the Wicked.

2. Sympathy -- Anagogic Tyranny: Insanely brutal and professional sounding technical death metal. Blistering blast beats, phenomenal leads, just all around fantasticness.

1. Becoming the Archetype -- Dichotomy: Last year's Physics of Fire was good but still somewhat disappointing for such a leading band. This one, however, is only disappointing if you were hoping that they'd suck. Brutal, catchy, memorable, progressive, technical, atmospheric, and dare I say worshipful? What more could anybody possibly imagine could come from an audio compact disc? Truly a masterpiece, and if you only buy 1 album from 2008, I'd suggest that you reconsider your record buying policy and then pick this one up.

On the whole, at this point '08 doesn't quite have the depth of '07 which had a tremendous number of great releases, but if some of those that I missed come through it could be as good yet. But for the moment I'm more looking ahead to what promises to be an excellent '09, with albums from A Plea for Purging, Living Sacrifice, Deus Invictus, Impending Doom, Monotheist, Dagon, Believer, and Divine Symphony to name a few. Wohoo!

Equal Opportunity, You Know?

2008-12-28T20:30:00.002-06:00

I'll admit it -- in all the championship excitement, I wasn't quite sure what to do with the color scheme on here. And then I forgot about it for a bit. So today is the day to take down the Phillies colors and replace them with the OU Crimson and Cream in celebration of their Big 12 Championship and upcoming National Championship game. It truly has been a great year!

But first, in fairness, I suppose I can't just gloss over the NFL season entirely. So here you go, it's one full month of Lions colors for each of their wins.

That Ain't Celcius, Kids

2008-12-20T20:46:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow after church Laura and I are packing up the dog and going "home" for Christmas. We're from the same town and so we can go to one place and both sets of parents are there. There's no "this year we'll go to your family, and next to mine" or anything like that, and so that's nice. What's not so nice, though, is that they're all in South Dakota. There's basically no opportunity, nothing going on, and the high tomorrow is 4. (Yep, the HIGH. As in, if you go outside at just the right time, you can think to yourself, "Wow, I could NOT have picked a better moment all day long to be out in the weather. At least for today, this is truly as good as it gets!" And it will be 4.)

Sometimes I talk to friends or whatever who still live where they grew up, and their family and extended family and all of them are there, and I feel a little bit guilty that I left my hometown literally the day after I graduated from high school. Are my own personal preferences and ambitions more important than family? And it's not like my parents are terrible to be around, they're genuinely wonderful people.

You just don't ever have complete control over if your children will leave. What you DO have some control over, however, is where you give them the chance to stay. And if you want them to stick around, my strong recommendation is to not make it South Dakota.

This Post Is Not Mass-Produced In 800 Identical Locations

2008-12-07T19:42:00.004-06:00

I see commercials or what not for restaurants that advertise this or that as "homemade." Am I wrong, or doesn't the very fact that you're getting something from a restaurant by definition mean that it is not homemade? Seriously, can anybody explain this to me and have it make sense?

Actually, Mack, Blame Me

2008-12-03T11:36:00.003-06:00

In all the excitement I temporarily forgot about this, but in the interest of full disclosure I would like to use this forum to tell the world -- I'm the reason that OU is going to the Big 12 Championship Game over Texas and Texas Tech. No, I didn't hack into the computers to boost OU (their non-conference wins against TCU and Cincinnati did that). I didn't falsify votes in either of the pertinent polls. I didn't even text message voters reminding them of seemingly forgotten games, go on tv during major football games to argue for OU, or hire a plane to fly a banner bearing a point in OUr favor. It was far more subversive than any of those would have been.

Several weeks back, I was looking for a Christmas time outreach event for Life Pointe. The best event that I could find for a hand-out service type project was a thing called Bardstown Road Aglow on the evening of December 6th. I looked ahead a couple weeks on the college football schedule and my fears were confirmed -- that was the date of the Big 12 Championship game, and if I scheduled the event and OU was playing, I would have to miss (part, at least, of) the game. But there simply was no other remotely workable event that I could find. So I pulled the trigger on Bardstown Road Aglow. Knowing full well that surely the final improbable events would fall into place and that I -- the guy without tivo, by the way -- would take myself away from the epic dual.

So blame me, Mack Brown. Point your fingers, members of the media. I signed a deal with the devil (otherwise known as Murphy's Law) to make it happen, and it's only fair that I take the heat for it.

There's No Crying In Football

2008-11-30T20:18:00.005-06:00

So after all the craziness, it's going to be OU going to the Big Twelve Championship game. As you might imagine, I'm alltogether very pleased with this to say the least. Do you know what I'm not alltogether pleased with, though? The whining and horrible logic of those who are less pleased with the resuls (ok, some of those who like the result have horrible logic, too). So, if we may, let's just take a moment to look at these things rationally. Of course I have my preferences, but I'll do my best to be unbiased, and if legitimately fail I welcome being called out for it.

Arguments for Texas

1) Texas and OU played head to head and Texas won, so there's no way that OU should be ranked ahead of Texas! (this is by far the most used argument, sometimes with the explicit addendum "that's all that should matter!")

If this was the only game that was played this season, then it would be pretty much air-tight. The problems? The rest of the season for one. For another, it's a circular argument since it's a three-way tie, and if OU can't be ranked ahead of Texas, then Texas can't be ranked ahead of Texas Tech, which is being completely ignored here. For what it's worth, if Tech had lost Saturday, Texas would (rightfully) be the South champ, and I can't imagine Coach Stoops or anybody else complaining. For that matter, if OU would have lost Saturday, Tech would have (again, rightfully) been the champ, and I have no earthly idea if Coach Brown would be happier or not.

2) Sure, it's a three-way tie, but since Tech is ranked lowest, they shouldn't count and then head-to-head should determine the winner from the remaining two.

Translation: the BCS is a great system to eliminate a lower-ranked team and should be used for that, but it's completely bogous to eliminate a different lower-ranked team. Is that really an argument? If you're reading this, Mack, I'll be interested to hear your logic. Further, it's not the rule that we've had in place the whole time. Don't complain about the rule at the end of the game, right? Like if you lost on a last-second field goal, don't say that field goals should really only be worth 1 point and that it's a bad rule. It was the rule by which you agreed to play and it's extremely weak sauce to start banging on it when it looks like it might work against you.

3) Texas lost their game with one second left on a miracle play, and if the db would have caught that potential interception on the last drive, it wouldn't have mattered even at that.

So it shouldn't count as a loss? Look, if we call the score after 3 quarters the final, then OU is undefeated (Wohoo! Let's go with this! Oh, does that not work?). Plus, although your comeback was inspired and noble, Texas was more-or-less pushed around all game long by Tech, and in the end Tech took it home. It's both a whole season and a whole game.

4) Texas also beat the North champion Missouri (and the addendum, "how can they watch 2 teams that they beat!")

Firstly, Missouri isn't such a trophy win. And if they are, then maybe they'll beat OU and Texas will play for the National Championship anyway (we'll see if Mack turns that down based on his philosophies). Secondly, Missouri and Nebraska both finished 5-3, and OU beat Nebraska, who Texas didn't play. They both beat Kansas, and Texas beat 2-6 Colorado while OU beat 2-6 Kansas St. So you can only make an argument that Texas played a tougher conference schedule since Missouri holds the tie-breaker over Nebraska (tie-breakers again, I love it!), and that's obviously extremely weak. Number one, their conference opponents have exactly the same conference records. Number two, you don't have any control over your conference opponents. Number three, OU had 4 conference road games and the best road win (at Pokie State), Texas only had 3. And number four, if we look at the entire schedule including out of conference (which there IS some control over), OU without question played the tougher overall schedule with TCU and Cincinnati both in the current top 15 (Texas's best out of conference victories? Rice and . . . Arkansas, probably?). Interestingly, this is probably what put OU over Texas in the computers, which pretty much made the final difference.

And while I'm admittedly not completely comfortable with out of conference schedule determining a conference champion, it's a tie and something has to, right? And it's the system that was in place all year, and if you have a demonstratively better idea, I've yet to hear it. Brent Musburger at least had a reasonable idea of using point differential among common opponents, but OU wins using that criteria, too.

Just in the interest of fair play, most arguments for OU over Texas are bogus, too. "They scored 60 in their last four games!" It's impressive, absolutley, but not a tie-breaking criteria. "They lost first!" Clearly this can make a difference in college football, but I've never liked it. It seems like the whole season should count. I mean, that's not a revolutionary thought, right? Actually, see above on that one.

Here's the bottom line -- using the rules and criteria that were agreed upon and in place from the beginning of the season, OU comes out on top of the three-way tie. And that, my friends, is inarguable.

It's Rhetorical

2008-11-15T22:59:00.002-06:00

I'm not really looking for the answer, I'm just venting a little bit. I know the answer, and I just don't like it.

Why is it -- on message boards, in e-mails, text messages, etc. -- it's an unthinkable cardinal sin to use all caps, but completely acceptable to never capitalize anything?

Conventional Wisdom

2008-11-09T22:23:00.005-06:00

tells us that there is no such thing as a "stupid question."

I sometimes like to question conventional wisdom. In this case, my question would be "If they carpeted Florida, how long would it take to vacuum?"

Greatest. Year. Ever.

2008-11-01T17:27:00.005-06:00

Philadelphia isn't necessarily known as a "happy" town. On Friday, however, 2 million or so of my closest Philly fan friends (no, I'm NOT going to spell them with ph's) created the most euphoric atmosphere I've ever experienced. Just unbelievable. When I left my hotel and turned on the radio at 6 am (for the noon start!!!), there were already people there. When I got there at about 8, the party was on. And by noon?

Rather than try to tell you about it, here's a couple million words worth (click on them and they get really big):

And, for those who care, if you'd like to have ANY idea of the number of people who turned out, click

here, here, and/or here.

I Couldn't Be More Confused In High Heels and a Miniskirt

2008-10-28T11:55:00.005-06:00

Last night, in what stood to be the greatest sports night of my life, my Phillies took a 2-2 tie into the bottom of the 6th with a chance to win the Series. That was about 15 hours ago. In 30 hours, the situation will be precisely the same. I know what you're thinking:

Wow, somebody's fouling off a LOT of pitches!

Nope, not exactly. A game that began in rain, and was being played in ridiculous rain, and then finally suspended in equally ridiculous rain is now going to be stopped for at least 2 days. I might be 3 innings away from a championship I never thought I'd see. Or maybe 3 1/2 innings away from blowing an incredible opportunity but having 2 chances left. And in the meantime, I'm. . . I don't know what I am, other than filled with emotional turmoil and not sure what to do or try to concentrate on.

So here, have a worthless blog. It's about as much as I can expect out of myself right now, in the 45 or so hours in between the top and bottom of the 6th of game 5. Wow.

Hate Me for a GOOD Reason (There Are Plenty!)

2008-10-24T19:51:00.004-06:00

I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure I will. There's a movie that just came out that seems like it's basic premise is to ridicule, shame, mock, and basically belittle all things Christian. I remember seeing one band in particular (who was touring with a band of Christ-followers, no less) introducing a song with something similar to "This song is for everybody who doesn't believe in stupid a f'n fairy tale. . . ." I remember seeing a roadie once with a shirt that said "Christianity is stupid."

What's the deal on all this? Why do some people hate other people for believing in something? I understand not believing. . . but who cares if somebody else DOES believe?

I have a Lions fan buddy who seems legitimately convinced that there's a league-wide conspiracy to keep the Lions down. I don't believe that, but I don't hate him for believing or write songs or make shirts or make films dedicated to making him look dumb.

I'm not sold on the idea of aliens or ufo's or whatever. In fact, if there really is intelligent life "out there," and they are so intelligent as to come to our planet from theirs, I think that we'd all know about them if they wanted us to and none of us would know if they didn't want us to. They'd have to be really, REALLY smart, you see. So I'm skeptical on ufo reports and what not, but there's no reason to hate those who do believe, right? Why would I care? How is the fact that people believe in grey creatures from another world worth manufacturing negative energy?

So, obviously, I believe Jesus Christ was who he said he was. I hope you agree! But if not, and if you decide to hate me for it, that's on you.

Believe the Hype

2008-10-21T13:28:00.002-06:00

Even though -- check that, especially since -- there is no hype.

Let's face it, we live in an over-promise, under-deliver world. We've been promised so much and received so little that we often expect to receive less than we're promised in an attempt to be disappointed less, and still we're disappointed all too often. Is there anything that truly delivers? Anything that has a reasonable price and an unreasonable payoff?

Yes Virginia, there is.

Butter Baked Chicken is the Tuesday night special at Cracker Barrel. It costs $8 and comes with two sides plus cornbread or biscuits. It's a lot of food, and it's ridiculously delicious. In fact, if you go to the Fern Creek location, it seems to sell out by about 6:30.

All right, then

2008-10-13T22:35:00.001-06:00

I'll give credit -- Dodger fan represented very nicely tonight. There were a few scattered booo's for Victorino, but much less than I was expecting after the ridiculousness of last night. And after what should have ripped their hearts out in the top of the 8th, the crowd energy was really quite high the rest of the way (especially for an L. A. crowd).

So, in fairness: respect.

BOOOOOOO!

2008-10-12T22:05:00.003-06:00

That's for you, Dodger fan.

Anybody who's been watching (which, incidentally, may be just me) has seen there have been some tight pitches in the first couple games of the NCLS. There's only one that I can imagine could have had any intent behind it, and only one guy knows for sure. Still, it wasn't completely surprising that a Dodger pitcher went after a Philly hitter tonight. Weak, but not surprising. What was even weaker, though, was Dodger fan's reaction.

The pitcher who's name I don't know and don't care enough to look up buzzed a fastball a foot over the head of Shane Victorino. An odd choice, since he's not one of the highest profile guys in the lineup and by all accounts is a bona-fide good guy who goes out and plays hard every game with a smile on his face. Then, in an emotionally charged moment in the playoffs after having to duck a 90 mph bullet that was aimed at his melon, he responds with understanding and grace, at least to a degree. When a lesser man would have charged the mound and brought it to blows (which would have been understandable!), he basically gives permission to throw at him, just not at his head! Wow, if that isn't the coolest thing a guy could possibly do in that situation. "I get it, do what you have to do," he says, "but keep it away from the head." He ends up grounding out and is minding his own when the pitcher starts yakking at him, and eventually the benches clear and people as oustide of the situation as Manny Ramirez come charging in from left field to have to be held back. The whole time, Victorino above all people conducts himself with the highest standard of thoughtfulness and understanding -- particularly for a guy who just dodged a heater to the head.

What does Dodger fan do the rest of the game? Boo Victorino.

BOOOOOOOOOOO!

That's for you, Dodger fan. Weak sauce.

Stick Your Nose In 'Em!!!

2008-10-08T15:19:00.005-06:00

Due to the underwhelming response to my previous "favorite" post (see below, if you think you'll care more than other people), I've come to a conclusion -- you need more exposure. Sooner or later, you'll come to appreciate my perspectives and opinions. Or stop reading. Or, more than likely, you never started reading in the first place, so it doesn't matter. That said, here we go with the 10 (plus a couple) most insightful, helpful, and generally enjoyable books (Bible excluded) that I've been through. There are plenty of people who are much better read than I am, but based on the fact that you're on-line reading my blog, I'm guessing that you're not one of them. So:

Honorable Mention:

Courageous Leadership, Bill Hybels: I didn't want to have more than one book by a single author on the top 10, so this gets left off. Inspiring and courage-inducing ("encouraging" sounds to weak and sentimental to mean something similar to "courage-inducing," doesn't it?).

A Whole New Mind, Daniel H. Pink: Fascinating and legitimately helpful.

Brothers, We Are Not Professionals, John Piper: 31 day-sized nuggets of wisdom that prove eternally helpful in keeping the pastor centered.

And the winners:

10) Chasing Daylight, Erwin Raphael McManus: Inspiring and particularly influential in helping me to stop living in fear and make my life worth living.

9) Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl: You can skip the psychology part if you want and I don't think you'll miss a thing. But the section on experiences in a concentration camp will give the (even minimally) thoughtful reader a whole new outlook on how amazing their life really is and how little they have to whine about.

8) How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie: Hmmm, maybe if more Christ-followers read this and did what it said, less people would hate us. I mean, we'd be FOR that, right?

7) The Next Generation Leader, Andy Stanley: At a modest 160 pages, Stanley is twice as helpful as most leadership books that are twice the size.

6) The Purpose Driven Church, Rick Warren: It's sad, but more than 10 years after publishing, far too many churches show no evidence of having thought about what they're doing. It's ok if you disagree or don't take his articulation as gospel, but at least the dude thought about stuff.

5) Just Walk Across the Room, Bill Hybels: If you only read one book on personal evangelism, this should probably be the one.

4) Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller: The most readable, honest, attractive, non-threatening, and all together delightful account of Christ-following that I've come across. Plus, he made me laugh. PLUS, the "Christian Book Store" has a disclaimer on it.

3) Teaching to Change Lives, Howard Hendricks: If you teach anything, ever, on any level or in any way, read this book. You won't remember to thank me, but you'll have a great time and be much more effective if you listen to what Hendricks has to say.

2) Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis: I know it's a generic choice, but page for page, this book makes me smile more than anything I've probably ever read. Seriously, if you read my blog but haven't read this, you need to start reading better material. And you just might remember to thank me!

1) Good to Great, Jim Collins: Another generic choice, I know. And he's not a Christ-follower and isn't writing about churches per se, yada yada yada. Almost everything applies almost directly, though (and the Christian clone books have failed miserably, in my opinion), and if you're smart enough to read good books you should be smart enough to make the leap. Anyway, I don't think I've ever been as fascinated with any book ever as I was this one. And I know it doesn't make me right, but with millions of copies sold, I'm in good company.

October 21, 1993

2008-10-01T16:56:00.001-06:00

That was the last time that the Phillies won a playoff game.

Until today.

Metal From Heaven, Redux

2008-09-26T19:55:00.003-06:00

Early in the year, I posted my top ten albums for 2007, noting that there were a couple of notable releases that I'd missed and would have likely altered the list substantially. Now nearly into October, I think I've managed to check out most all of the important releases, and the list HAS changed somewhat. It's not timely, but in the interest of credit where it's due, here's something closer to a "final" best of for 2007, all IMHO, of course:

Honorable Mention:

Deborah -- Soteria: Honestly, this has some great moments but has no business on a "best of" list. That said, when a female, Christian, Mexican black metal band puts out an album that has any real merit (which it does), it seems to deserve honorable mention, no? Also, this should be notable because it ought to be required listening and the new benchmark. Do you have a band? Good, I hope you do. And I hope you're really excited about it. BUT -- if you can't top this, don't ask me to listen. Let me put it differently -- if you can't do better than Mexican Christian women, maybe black metal isn't your thing. If you still want to try, great. Keep working, keep practicing, and keep improving, but in the meantime, take down your band's myspace and stop spamming the message boards. When you can do this well or better, then we'll be very happy to listen.

Inhale/Exhale -- The Lost, The Sick, The Sacred: I never really worked to pick this up, because I was sure it was either more Solid State pseudo-metal or weak As I Lay Dying rip-offs. It's more melodic than I'd like, but it turns out to be a pretty solid effort.

Oh, Sleeper -- When I Am God: I had almost conciously ignored (if that's possible) this band untill a buddy loaned me the cd. I was shocked at how much I liked this. Sometimes I love being wrong!

Remove the Veil -- Another Way Home: "Southern metal" is burning itself out at record pace, but this is just one fun listen. "You're the devil chiiiiiiiiiiild!"

Dagon -- Paranormal Ichthyology: A fun album from a criminally overlooked band.

Seventh Star -- The Undisputed Truth: A great swan song from a top-shelf hardcore band.

Apostisy -- Famine of a Thousand Frozen Years: This band came from WAY off the radar to within a hair's breadth of cracking the list. If the entire album wasn't played at exactly the same tempo, it probably would have made it.

And the winners:

10) Deliverance -- As Above, So Below: A return to greatness from one of the scene's founding bands. It's the feel-good story of the year!

9) Nodes of Ranvier -- Defined By Struggle: South Dakota's finest make good even as they hang up their metaphorical cleats.

8) My Silent Wake -- The Anatomy of Melancholy: Dooooooming metal that's beautiful and epic and just plain wonderful.

7) Becoming the Archetype -- The Physics of Fire: When an album comes in as a disappointment at number seven, that speaks volumes for their previous work, right?

6) Feast Eternal -- With Fire: Sure, they made a splash in a quality-starved scene 8 years earlier, but the bar had been raised a long way since then, and to be honest I doubted that they'd be able to cut it. Once again, I LOVE being wrong!

5) Immortal Souls -- Winterreich: Wow. When an album THIS good comes in at number 5, it's a banner year.

4) August Burns Red -- Messengers: Jaw-dropping in precision and technicality.

3) A Plea for Purging -- A Critique of Mind and Thought: Brilliant high-end shredding metal(core) becomes the greatest new sound of the year and nearly takes over the world.

2) Common Yet Forbidden -- The Struggle: Blast-beating technical brutality that never slows down or sleeps. That's the recipe for giving me exactly what I want, kids!

1) As I Lay Dying -- An Ocean Between Us: I know, it's a generic choice, and I hate it for that. But I LOVE it for being a brilliantly amazing album. Brutal, catchy, melodic, memorable, and about as close to perfect as you could dare imagine. This is what happens when the rare combination of talent, passion, and professionalism come together.

What's It Going to Take?

2008-09-24T09:43:00.003-06:00

Lions fans have been asking this for years, and finally we have the answer. What's it take for Matt Millen to be fired from the front office?

31-84. 53 games under .500. A record that would take over three seasons of perfect, 16-0 records just to get back to even. Too many botched draft picks to count, 3 different head coaches and innumerable co-ordinators fired (including Mike Martz, who was fired after last year and then beat us this Sunday in San Fransisco -- yep, he was what was keeping us down, all right!). Starting and re-starting and building and re-building only to remain firmly stuck in neutral, and in neutral at the back of the pack.

In fairness, it's not necessarily all his fault. There was some bad luck with things like promising draft pick Charles Rogers breaking his collar bone twice. There were picks that looked solid to everybody at the time but didn't turn out (see Joey Harrington, for example). And I do, to a certain degree, admire his unwillingness to quit even when the entire world could see that he was in over his head and not really making any progress.

But after 7+ years and failing to EVER field a team that could boast "average," the camel's back wasn't just broken by one straw too many -- it was broken, then preyed on by the carnivorous desert creatures, fully metabolized, and then excreted back into the desert itself.

And so the battle is half-way won. Millen is done, and there's hope. But we know the team's still a long way from being good, and there's going to have to be more re-building before a contending team can be on the field, and even that can only happen if -- and this is a BIG if -- we can get somebody in charge who's going to be able to get it done. And the person in charge of that? Well, if you didn't already know this, his last name is Ford, and his recent track record isn't a whole lot better.

An Open Letter to Football Commentators

2008-09-07T18:18:00.003-06:00

I know it doesn't really matter, but after the first full football-watching weekend, there's one small item that I would like to bring to the attention of football commentators everywhere:

There's no 1/2 yard line.

Or 1 foot line.

Or 6 inch line.

Or, really, anything else without a line.

It's not that hard.

NFL Preview Edition!

2008-09-05T17:23:00.003-06:00

Apparently it's the cool thing to do. And you know I'll do anything to be cool, so here it is! The lowdown on every single team, and for free! Of course, the premium subscription will cost you, but it doesn't exist. Trust me though -- if it did, it would be terribly hard-hitting and insightful.

Atlanta: They'll play 16 games.

Arizona: They're very likely to play 16 games.

Baltimore: Probably 16 games.

Buffalo: I guess they'll play 16 games, but it's going to get really cold.

Carolina: The Vegas over/under for them is 16 games. I wouldn't touch it.

Chicago: Chicago should be right around 16 games.

Cincinnati: They'll play 16 games, but they'll do it with cool stripes on their helmets.

Cleveland: Much like Cincinnati, except with no logo whatsoever on their helmets.

Dallas: 16 games, no prediction on arrests.

Denver: They'll keep playing all the way through a 16-game schedule.

Detroit: Their best player (S Rogers) is gone from the already questionable d-line, and although Darby should be a serviceable replacement, the defense will still miss it's one true game-changer. The secondary should be much better, but the linebackers (Sims aside) are below par and the aforementioned line is questionable. On offense, the only rookie to make his way into the starting lineup (K Smith) is replacing K Jones, who was apparently cut for being hurt too much. Smith (with new acquisition Rudi Johnson) should bring adequate (although certainly below top-tier) skill to the backfield, Kitna's a decent qb and the receivers should be good, but the line is the same. And that's not good. Bottom line -- some exciting pieces on both sides of the ball, but I'm desperately afraid that game in, game out, they're going to get beaten up in the trenches. They won't be able to run OR stop the run with consistency, and their opponents will likely be able to sustain much more pressure on the qb then they will. I hope I'm wrong (and I'm wrong a LOT), but it looks like somewhere around 6-10 to me.

Green Bay: Are they really going to play 16 games with no Brett Favre? Yes, yes they are.

Houston: Yeah, 16 games.

Indianapolis: Not only will they play 16 games, but half of them will be in their shiny new stadium. Which is great, because their last one was ghetto.

Jacksonville: They'll play 16 games, and a lot of people will misprounoucne "Jagaurs".

Kansas City: My crystal ball says 16 games. And I don't even have a crystal ball!

Miami: They'll play 16 games, give or take.

Minnesota: I guess they'll play 16 games, which is a good idea. But they'll do so wearing purple, which is a categorically bad idea for a football team.

New England: They'll play 16 games and their coach will look like they're losing every one of them.

New Orleans: Their schedule looks like a 16 gamer to me.

New York Giants: They're going to play 16 games and win at least one.

New York Jets: Hey, they got that Brett Favre guy, right?

Oakland: They should see the field for about 16 games, but their fans will still act like the league hosed them out of 15 of them.

Philadelphia: They also will play 16 games, but their fans will boo anyway.

Pittsburg: They get to play 16 games like everybody else, but they have to play 8 of them in a stadium named after a tomato condiment.

San Diego: 16 games? Gauranteed. Staying classy? We'll have to wait and see.

San Fransisco: They're looking a lot like about a 16-game team.

Seattle: They're looking at about 16 games and scattered showers.

St. Louis: After 16 games, we'll know what kind of season they're in for.

Tampa Bay: It's going to take around 10 games to make the playoffs, and they'll have 16 chances to get it done.

Tennessee: They'll be very, very close to 16 games.

Washington: 16 games, but no more than 15 wins. Seriously.

This Is Why I Try Not to Think Too Much

2008-08-31T13:31:00.003-06:00

Here's about a week's worth:

1) I heard a radio spot this week that cracked me up. It was an announcement from the IRS warning about a particular spam e-mail scam. At the end it said something about "cracking down on these crooks". Again, this is from the IRS. Too rich.

2) I'm pretty jaded on the politics of politics, but this election is at least going to be interesting from a sociological and historic standpoint. That said, I'm still pretty jaded on the politics of politics. I'd be less so if it weren't so political. Speeches, running mates, ads, whatever. It's all politics.

3) So good to have college football back! Unless you're a Michigan fan, at least. I was watching the Phillies game yesterday, but Michigan/Utah was on so I flipped to it during commercials. At one point I actually heard the announcer, speaking of the Michigan quarterback, say "Really a nice job by Threet of getting up after that hit." Really, when not being hurt is a victory, there could be trouble. And on their next play -- a punt from their own end zone -- they took a delay fo game. Somehow I'm not convinced that their punter was trying to audible. Anyway, Michigan would be pretty good if they could just not play a first game, but I'm not sure how they can get around the math on that one.

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to Beijing

2008-08-23T18:31:00.006-06:00

Actually, a couple funny things.

1) As noted in a previous post, 12 year-old girls on a world stage don't constitute something that I can really laugh at anymore. It just feels (too) mean. Particularly in light of that fact, though, there's something pretty amusing about the alleged age scandal. What kind of "sport" is it an advantage to be younger? Can you imagine if NFL teams were trying to sneak as 15 year-olds onto their rosters? Or how about a 12 year old kid standing in to face a Brad Lidge slider? Really (and I actually mean this), it's a shame for the people involved (assuming innocence, of course), but you have to admit it's good entertainment, right?

2) It's not funny at all to me, but the actions of certain Americans is embarrassing to me. Within a day or two, we had our baseball team's manager (seriously-- isn't the manager the one who's supposed to bring maturity and all that?) accusing an opponent of throwing at his guy's head (which, under the circumstances, would have been ludicrous) and a(nother) boxer complaining about the scoring (in fairness [pun intended], Olympic boxing has been as plauged by shady scoring as, well, pro boxing). I understand disappointment, but especially in the Olympics, whatever happened to representing your country first and foremost?

3) Lucky for us, there's Cuban tae-kwon-do. Apparently I can't link to the video due to copywright laws, but after being disqualified a dude kicked the ref (who, apparently, is Sweedish, no less) in the face. And it really does take the gold for poor sportsmanship . . . but. But isn't kicking people in the face pretty much the whole point of the event? So while we all (and myself too, I guess) rush to vilify this as the worst Olympic action of all time, it was a mere misapplication of the very skill that he was intending to be rewarded for. Now obviously it's important to kick the right dude, no question, but do you see what I'm getting at? It's just kind of ironic, right?

Almost as rich is the reaction of the guy who won. He said that obviously the Cuban dude couldn't go on and his foot (toe? whatever) was broken. In light of the fact that his obviously incapacitated opponent got up and popped a dude in the melon, I'm not sure his argument is watertight.

4) Speaking of sportmanship, it's sad how often doping comes up, and how often we (or "I" at least) wonder about it. Dude looked yoked? I wonder. Girl built like a dude? I wonder again. With medals being stripped retroactively (much like universities "vacating" wins and championships and what not [*cough* USC *cough*]) and all that's going on, do you feel like you're always going to be waiting for another ball to drop?

5) Swimming medals are, to a degree, bogus. Phelps is obviously the greatest swimmer alive today, but imagine if, for instance, basketball gave out medals for 5-on-5, 3-on-3, 1-on-1, free-throw shooting, three-point shooting, ball handling skills, and slam dunk competitions? The point is that, no matter how dominant one might be on the hardwood, there's only one medal available, and so there's something artificial about even having the opportunity to win 8 medals in a sinlge sport. That said, I think it's hilarious that one dude has more gold medals than, say, Italy, Canada, or Spain. He has more total medals than, for instance, the Czech Republic or North Korea. I just think it's funny.

World-Class Thoughts

2008-08-12T13:13:00.002-06:00

Like so many of you, when I was younger I LOVED the Olympics. I have great memories of, while my older sister was away at camp, sitting in our basement watching the '84 games and drinking Shasta pop (a MAJOR treat) with my mom. Really, really great memories.

Somewhere along the way, though, the Olympics lost some luster. Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the US not being as dominant as we'd like, and so when these Beijing games came upon us, I barely noticed. The Phillies are in first, after all! But then everyone was talking about the opening ceremony and how great it was and all these other things, so I flipped it on for a few hours the other night, and now I'm legitimately interested. It was pretty compelling, really. And when push comes to shove I'm afraid that I'm a Phillies fan first and a American fan second (that's kind of wrong of me, isn't it? I'd be WAY more excited for So Taguchi to rock a game-winning double off of Billy Wagner than for any American to triumph over the world -- at least I feel a little bad about it), but I've been sucked half-way in nonetheless. And here, as you may expect, are my thougts.

1) I don't care about swimming. I hate it personally (it's cold and wet, two things I'm not a fan of) and generally find it completely un-comelling. But that men's 4x100 freestyle relay? THAT was just great human drama. Especially since the French conveniently propped themselves up as the "bad guys" with their pre-race drivel, that was definitely as excited about a man moving through water in an awkward looking onesie as I've ever been. That was worth the whole evening, right there.

2) Speaking of "bad guys", I have another reason to not like watching gymnastics. Have you SEEN these girls? They're like twelve. The beauty of competition is that you want to win and that means that somebody else has to lose, and that' s great, again, especially where boastful French dudes or the Mets are involved. And I remember, in my younger years, cheering against gymnansts from opposing nations. Hoping that they'd err, or even better, fall over completely. Nothing against them personally, of course, just hoping that my country can win. At my current station in life, though, I'm completely unable to hope that something terrible befalls a twelve year old girl in the biggest moment of her life under pretty much any circumstance. It takes away from the pureness of the competition for me, the "us vs them" that helps to provide clear boundaries and indetifies us with one person or team and not another. And of course I don't watch for the pure enjoyment of the event -- I don't care how pretty people look flying through the air, I just want my country to be drowning in gold medals -- so gymnastics is ruined for me. Which is really too bad, because I didn't like it much to begin with, and they show it for 8,000 hours on end.

3) Speaking of wanting my country to be drowning in gold medals, the Olympics really does bring into sharp relief the insatiable greed of the Americans (or, at least, me). How many is enough? No number exists. If we won every single medal in the entire games except one, would we be more satisfied or less? Knowing myself, I think I'd be upset about the one that got away more than excited about the insidious domination. And knowing you, I think you might feel the same way.

4) It's nice to be able to cheer for players like LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Kobe Bryant. Especially James, who seems like a genuinely likeable guy, but as much as I admire his skill and particularly his amazing performance in game 7 of the Eastern Conferance Semi-Finals this year, I was forced to cheer -- FORCEFULLY -- against every spectacular basket he made. It's simple -- if you oppose the Green, I oppose you. So it's great to be able to get behind some of these guys rather than playing against them. They're scary to play against. And yes, by "play against" I mean "be played against by people who I've never met but wear a jersey that I associate with while I jump up and down screaming in my living room". There, now you see how scary it really is for me, right?

5) The strange differences between events are interesting to me. You can flip from swimming or gymnastics or something where the uniforms are, well, uniform to something like "beach" volleyball, where one guy has a hat on backwards and his partner has sunglasses (inside, of course). I mean, that's pretty weird, right?

Nothing to See Here. . .

2008-08-02T16:52:00.004-06:00

It's actually true, but I need to post, so here we go.

1) I was initially going to change to Phillies colors after the All-Star break, but after winning the Championship and all I felt compelled to give the green some extra time. But now it's August and the Phils are in first, so we it's time to make a change. Enjoy!

2) The post a couple weeks ago about going off caffeine? I've been completely off for nearly 2 weeks now, and I do feel better, generally. I went from about 250 mg a day down to 200, 150, 100, 75, 54, 42, 34, and finally 20 (some of those rough approximations, but should be close), taking a three or four days at each plateau. I had a few headache issues and a few irritable days, but for the most part it wasn't as hard as I'd thought it would be. Wohoo!

3) OU had to kick a kid off the football team this week after he had an inappropriate rap on youtube (I'd link it but, of course, it's inappropriate -- it's not hard to find if you're really curious). Tough call, and it wasn't THAT bad in and of itself, but it's also not a first offense. It's sad for the kid, but ultimately I'm happy to be cheering for an organization that's really trying to do things the right way, even when it costs a high-potential player.

4) Had an interesting experience the other day. Walked out of a Chili's after a staff meeting and a random woman whom I'd never met in my life comes up and says, "Do you want to hear an almost dirty joke?" I replied "Almost." (Which I thought was decent for being in the moment, but after further reflection realize that it could be taken to mean that if the joke isn't FULL-ON dirty then I don't want to waste my time, but whatever.) And then she proceeds to tell me a moderately dirty joke (not terrible terrible, but I sure wouldn't tell it to my mom. And it's a lot of fun for me to get a reaction out of my mom). I didn't laugh, mostly because I was just completely overwhelmed at the surrealness of the situation. I think I just sort of stood there looking confused. Who does that? So I turn to go back to my car, and as I'm about to put the key into the lock, the bizarreness of the situation hits me and I haven't stopped laughing since. I really should have tried to do SOMEthing with the situation, but . . . HUH?

5) That's pretty much all for now, kids!

Basketball + Football + MMA =

2008-07-25T17:27:00.003-06:00

That's right, it's the WNBA!!! I never thought I'd write this post.

Here's the deal -- click here. You have to. It's a WNBA brawl the like of which is, apparently, unprecedented. It involves a couple good tackles, a would-be peacemaker getting taken off in a wheelchair, and a player smacking an assistant coach in the back. Really, I am truly incapable of making this stuff up. Seriously, click the link. And, of course, I have thoughts.

1) Detroit, I love you. You KNOW I do! Have you seen my office? That's real, kids. And that's real love! But let's face it -- something has to be done about Detroit and basketball. Do you remember the Pistons/Pacers brawl from a few years ago when players went into the stands and fans came onto the court to get into the action? Of course you do! Guess what? Exact same arena. Only difference, really, is that there weren't enough fans at the WNBA game to get frisky (and probably no one wanted to get beaten up by a girl -- that's tough to live down). And, of course, a few years before that, Detroit was home to the teams that called themselves the "bad boys" (see below for more on that, in fact). So I think the only reasonable conclusion is to say "Detroit -- it's over. You've lost your basketball privileges."

2) Hey fellas, do you see how that worked? While watching Lions games the last several years, I've often lamented that our poor tackling has had much to do with excessive falling down. I guess not! These girls didn't let their position on the deck hold them back. I hope Marinelli and the crew were taking notes -- a winning season once a decade or so doesn't usually seem like too much to ask.

3) At about 2:57 you can see a player smack Rick Mahorn (Detroit assistant coach, I'm told) square in the back. I don't think I really need to make jokes here, right?

4) Speaking of Mahorn, he's coaching with old friend Bill Laimbeer, who were both at the center of the old Pistons "bad boys" teams that were so bad that Dennis Rodman was completely overshadowed by these two cats. So how are we supposed to be surprised when their teams go "bad girls"? Who's out there saying "Wow, I can't believe this happened. This is Bill's and Rick's team that was involved in this? The guy from Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball? Really? The guys who made Rodman look like a boy scout? Quick -- get your calculator -- I've GOT to check out this two-and-two thing I've been hearing about!"

5) Let me hear your own thoughts in the comments, y'all!

The Scream Certain Selected Portions of the Prayer Tour

2008-07-17T16:41:00.004-06:00

With all due respect to the Stronger Than Hell tour, the summer's premiere extreme tour dropped into town on Tuesday night, and it was cool. Here's the skinny:

Pre-show

Because there were so many bands, the show was slated to start at 3:30 in the afternoon. Of course that's rough for a lot of people with jobs (which, interestingly enough, did NOT apply to me that particular day), so I stood in line overhearing comments like "Yeah, so-and-so's coming to town, but it's an 18 and over show!" "I was in Hot Topic yesterday and I saw. . . ." "They're really old school, I think they started back in, like, '06 or something." (Ok, I made that last one up.) I'm used to feeling out of place at shows, but yikes. Finally Jason showed up, and I wasn't sure if I was happier to see somebody I knew or somebody over 16 years old. Either way, it was better that way.

Better, that is, until we chatted with a merch guy (or band member? there were like 12,000, who can keep track) who listed off the bands that were going to be playing, with the notable exception of With Blood Comes Cleansing. They're absence caught me, because I thought it was weird that they were supposed to be playing near the start when they were on Victory. Turns out they had to drop off a few days before. Too bad. After walking away we realized that he hadn't mentioned Soul Embraced, either. Sure enough, both bands were missing without a word of explanation or apology. Bad deal, but the good news is that losing two bands of that magnitude would have been enough to cripple a lesser tour, but not this one. Nice.

Sing the Prayer with a Sappy Melodic and Slightly Off-Key Portion of the Show

The first three bands screamed. . . um. . . with clean melodious "screams"? There was, of course, some metal, but too much singy Underoath-style stuff going on. Not my bag. Andy, TJ, and Matt did show up, so that was a plus for these sets. And -- oh yeah -- an out of control dancer kicked a dude standing beside me in the chest hard enough that he left the building. The dancer didn't seem to notice.

Blessed By a Broken Heart

How do you follow three mediocre sappy bands? I suppose Blessed By a Broken Heart is one way. These guys are weird, even for being Canadian. Fog machines, an amped up light show, and hair right out of Stone Cold (no, THIS Stone Cold). Otherwise, the guitarist surely shredded, and I wouldn't pop them in and "bop out!" per se, but they put on a fun show. Real beef though, with the frontman -- you HAVE to either keep that shirt on or pull those pants up. Seriously, look how things are ending up for Britney. Regardless, it was an experience.

War of Ages

Awesome as always, but why did BBABH get to try to play themselves back into being cool and War of Ages only gets five songs? Having seen them several times in smaller venues it was cool to hear them with a good pa and all that, though.

MyChildren MyBride

Here's the truth -- MyChildren MyBride sound better on their album than they do live. Of course, they really sound pretty great on the record and it was still good to see them, but a little disappointing anyway. Also, the same out of control dancer hit a kid who was standing on the outside of the pit in the face during this set (I believe). He didn't notice until someone pointed him to the kid bending down holding his face. A minute later the poor dude left the building, still holding his face (couldn't tell if it was a nose or an eye or what, excactly).

Impending Doom

The polar opposite of MCMB is Impending Doom. Honestly, despite it's insane brutality level, their album doesn't do a lot for me. Live? Amazing. Also, the frontman did a great -- not good, great -- job of speaking about Jesus Christ. Sometimes I go to shows and bands will try to talk about stuff, but they're just not good at it. It's ok -- if you play music and it slays, play music. But this dude is the RIGHT guy to speak up and say something. Really well done. And although I knew his name, Andy's joke afterward was pretty great: "I guess if your name's Brook you have to learn to scream that low." Ha ha ha, nice! Oh yeah, and the SAME out of control dancer hurt a third person during their set. I didn't see this one happen, but I think it was a fellow dancer this time. That guy left the building, too. Hmmm, maybe if you're hurting multiple people on the same night, something's wrong and it's NOT everybody else? Seriously, I understand dancing and all that, but when you have 300-ish square feet to do your thing do you think you could not injure the people who just want to enjoy the show? Please?

Sleeping Giant

Much like Impending Doom, I'm not the biggest fan of the Sleeping Giant record -- but after the show, I'm a big fan of Sleeping Giant. This is a legit minsitry band like I haven't seen since Jesus Freaks, except these dudes were even better at presenting their beliefs in an appropriate and meaningful way. I can't fully go along with everything he said, but along with Impending Doom these cats are absolute dynamite at proclaiming Jesus to a subculture that's almost completley rejected him. Really, really nicely done, and a completely unique show experience. I was toiling in the obscurity of South Dakota/rural Minnesota during the original "spirit-filled hardcore" scene, but I wonder if it was a lot like that. I hope it was. And -- oh yeah -- nobody was hurt that I could tell, but out of control dancer after hurting three people? Oh yeah, he was back.

Final thoughts? Even without WBCC and Soul Embraced, the best tour that I've seen come through Louisville. Nothing can measure up to Crimson Moonlight, Becoming the Archetype, and Aletheian that I drove 6 hours for, but this was a sight and a sound and an experience all in one. Now next time let's just keep those spin kicks compact and those drawers pulled up, fellas. . . .

Where Have I Been?

2008-07-09T17:17:00.003-06:00

I've been here. . . mostly. I know it's been a while since I've posted, but there's a perfectly good reason. After the eighteen-month long NBA post-season that culminated in Banner Seventeen I was on an adrenaline high for like a month. And I know it hasn't quite been a month, but still, it was pretty cool. Until I finally came down and realized that it was time to re-order my life in a couple of areas.

I'm always tired, you see, and tired is no way to live your life! So I'd started trying to run, but it was inordinately more difficult then a few years ago. Now I'm not THAT much older yet, so I wondered if it was something different. I sleep well and soundly, so I can't blame apnea, and so now I've taken on taking out caffeine. That's right, I've been working on quitting my one adored addiction.

Now I'm not one to sensationalize (the "adrenaline for a month" bit notwithstanding, of course) -- I'm not a HUGE caffeine junky like some people are. I would typically have about 12 oz. of coffee in the morning and a Dew or a Coke around lunch or mid-afternoon. That was basically every day, and comes out to about 250 mg. Then on days that started early or went long or whatever, though, it could spike considerably above that level, and my daily routine was in need of a boost to maintain mood and energy level already. I didn't want to add MORE, though, I hate the idea of being controlled by a substance, and I've heard people say that they feel and think and work better when they're off the juice, so I decided to take that route.

I'm not there yet, but after about 2 weeks, I'm down to around 60-70 mg a day (that's an 8 oz. cup of "half caff" in the morning, and then no mas!). And it hasn't been too bad! I figure I'm no more than a week or two at the most from being completely de-toxed, at which time I'll find some other excuse for sporadic posting.

Credit Where It's Due

2008-07-04T19:45:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty hard on the entertainment industry sometimes, and let's face it -- they deserve it -- their products are generally uninspired, uninteresting, and unwatchable (no text message required, Jim). But in the interest of fair play and honest recognition, I've been pleasantly surprised at a couple different films this summer already, and so I offer my open praise and admiration where it's deserved:

1) Iron Man. I know it's old news now, but this is the best movie I've seen in a LONG time, and the first I've seen twice in a theater since. . . the first Lord of the Rings maybe? Fun, funny, and dare I say "cool"? Seriously, it finished and my WIFE said, "Well that was super cool!" THAT doesn't happen often.

2) Get Smart. It's no Dumb and Dumber, but it was pretty funny. Of course, seeing movies with Jamey isn't always a good litmus test to tell if a movie's actually funny on it's own merits or not, but regardless, I went, I laughed, I left. And that's pretty much exactly what I was looking for.

3) Hancock. Not on Iron Man level, but another that wins with both the wife and myself, and that's no easy task. Plus, I was just starting to get bored at about an hour and a half, so I glanced at the time -- oh no! There's TOTALLY another 40 minutes left to wade through -- why do they always do that? But nope -- then it ended, right when it should have! It's sad when a movie gets bonus points for ending, but that's what the industry has come to, and so there it is.

4) Sort of unrelated as Bombworks Records isn't exactly "the industry", but I finally picked up Common Yet Forbidden's album, and my good golly-gosh that thing blasts and thrashes and flat-picks and just slays generally and to an exponential degree. Best record I've heard in a long time, and just wholly satisfying on every level possible.

Finally -- and completely unrelated, but it's a landmark day in my life and bears mentioning -- on Saturday my Championship t-shirt arrived. DVD ships later this month. Has life EVER been this good?

Green Seventeen!

2008-06-19T16:12:00.003-06:00

After weeks of remaining silent about the progress of the Celtics, it's time to indulge me in a 2nd straight post honoring the men in green. You've brought me the first professional championship I've tasted in 22 years, and thus I offer my humble tribute.

Danny Ainge: Like your jumper, you've hit some and missed others. This year, however, you truly made magic happen. Absolutely incredible job.

Doc Rivers: I still don't really know if you're a good NBA coach or not (or what that is, really), but you got the results.

Paul Pierce: As Bill Simmons would say, "Welcome to the pantheon." You've just entered Celtic immortality.

Kevin Garnett: Nobody's worked harder or cared more. With more guys like you, people might actually watch the NBA.

Ray Allen: Definitive of "professional athlete" in the best sense of the phrase.

Rajon Rondo: UK basketball players who won championships in Boston: Antoine Walker? No. Tony Delk? No again. Walter McCarty? Hardly. Ron Mercer? Psh. Rajon Rondo? Yes, yes I believe so!

Kendrick Perkins: I love how your looks killed every official who ever called you for any foul under any circumstance. The season's over and you won, so go ahead and smile now. It's ok. Honest.

James Posey: A "bench player" in lineup status only. Truly indispensable, and the entire Celtic Nation begs you to return and win again.

Leon Powe: Although the rest of the watching world stopped with mouth agape, no Celtic fan was surprised when you scored 20 points in a Finals game.

Eddie House: Your go-ahead shot in game 4 stands out, but certainly not because it was your only big moment.

P. J. Brown: I'll admit, when we signed you, I didn't think we needed you. I was wrong.

Sam Cassell: Wow, do you like to shoot the ball or what!

Glen Davis: Nobody in the history of basketball has taken more abuse and gotten fewer calls. Maybe flashing that ring will help next year?

Tony Allen: Um. . . you sure did get a couple minutes there at the end, eh?

Brian Scalabrine: By remaining on the roster, you serve as a reminder to us all about how far the team has come in so short a time. And it's pretty cool that you can joke about it.

Scot Pollard: You never saw the court, but the way you gave up that "t" to make your name a bona-fide four letter word exemplifies teamwork.

Gabe Pruitt: Look, you really didn't NEED Scot's "t". "Pruit" would have been just fine. But you get a ring anyway.

Finally, just a short word to Celtic fans everywhere (and I know we ARE everywhere!) -- leave Kobe alone. You can't criticize a guy for not being as good as MJ after all. Seriously, what if you were compared to the all-time greats at whatever you do? The GREAT accountants. CEO's. Lawyers. French-fry cooks. You wouldn't measure up, either. It's ridiculous, like knocking Pierce for not being Bird. Just let it go. We won! Don't gloat like a punk, go order your championship gear and be happy. We're the champs! Everybody else is irrelevant.

B-Day Shuffle Play

2008-06-18T13:00:00.003-06:00

If you know me, you know that there are really only two "things" in life that I care about ("things" excluding God and people): cd's and sports. And if you know me well, you know that I have a pretty good cd collection and you know which teams I've been cheering for 20-some years solid.

Well yesterday the 17th was my birthday, and Baby hooked me up with exactly what I wanted -- you see, my two 100-cd towers have been over-filled for some time now, and the space below the tv in the entertainment center was virtually out of space for the "discard" pile, too. Plus, I had the constant struggle of organization -- which cd's make it into the sacred tower, and how is this determined? And of course they're all alphabetical by artist (and chronological within the artist, naturally), and then when you pick up -- say, the latest Apostisy album, and you know it's worthy of a place, you have to determine which cd to REplace, right, and if it's, say, a mediocre Zao offering, well that's about 195 cd's to re-arrange, one at a time. It's a lot of re-arranging, you see, and so this new high-capacity shelf system is going to make all of that null and void. It's great!

You know who I have nothing on, though? They guy who's going to have to re-arrange and make room for Banner Number Seventeen. It's been a loooooong 22 years (keep in mind, I'm not a "Boston" sports fan, and it's been since '86 since any of "my" pro teams have won), and I was never really sure it would happen again. So happy. So, so happy.

Celebrity Poster!

2008-06-06T21:25:00.006-06:00

Well Hello Ross

and everybody else who is a Flogger. . . (Is that the way to say it?) Oh well, imagine my surprise when we, my whole family were together from several states meeting in San Diego for my oldest sons wedding. (His 2nd one).

My granddaughter and I sitting at the computer playing around when she Googled my name and somehow up came this Flogging site. (I said Flogging, that's even better then Freeken.)

She started screaming and laughing and it brought the whole family in to read all about me. Yeah, me! There were people talking about me on the net. You all with your comments gave us such a great time that night as we laughed and laughed at them. A good time was had by all.

My daughter, Tammy Sue, who be now refer to as Heidie, (is that how its spelled?) because one of you floggers said that's who she should be. She filled out the form and done what ever you do to get on there to be a flogger too. She did it so she could contact you letting you know we were onto you and your flogging comments.

If you've heard her sing with me you know she has a voice thats pure; Course I'm not sure you guys like pure. Now that totally blows my mind. What are we coming to if we have generation who doesn't like pure, clear, clean voices and songs you can understand.

By now you've figured out I'm of an older generation. I admit a lot of the country stuff isn't that pure. I've always said of myself, I'm not a country singer; I'm a Western singer. There is a difference.

I've always commented in my concerts that a country singer sings songs like "Who stoled my Beer while I was in the mens room". Western singers sing songs like, " If my nose was runnin' money I'd blow it all on you"

(come on, thats a joke)

I told that to my wife once. I said. . . "Honey, If my nose was runnin' money I'd blow it all on you. . ." She said. . ."Yeah but its not"

SORRY, I did it again.

Ok, you want to know about me? Sure ya do.

As my one song "The Idaho Yodeler" explains word for word I was only around 11 years old. With 10 kids in our family and on a farm we entertained ourselves by listening to old 78 records one at a time on a wind up phonograph. We stood around with broom sticks, mop sticks and what ever else would resemble a musical instrument and listen to songs imitating who ever was singing and or playing.

One of us always had a table spoon that was a microphone. Taking turns with it we would pantomime or imitate who ever was singing and that person who had the spoon was the star for that song. . . .

We had a record by a singing and yodeler known as Elton Britt who sang and yodeled a song called "She taught me to yodel". It was my turn to have the spoon and imitate Elton Britt. He started singing and I sang along. When he came to the yodeling part I tried to do that and it rolled out as if I'd been doing it all my life. It was no struggle and was as easy as talking or singing. It just came out natural from down in my voice box (most people think its with the tongue, no, its back down there in the voice box). I found myself yodeling right along with the record. My brothers and sisters stopped playing the broom sticks and whatever and just stared at me not believing what they were hearing. I even stopped to see if it was me doing it.

Well I gotta find a way to end this story but it wasn't long after that my dad bought me a guitar, I taught myself a few chords and after doing a few local talent shows I got on a show called "Ted Mack Amateur Hour". The equivalent of American Idol today. Of course it was the first talent show on television which at that time was black and white. (Do you floggers know what black and white is?)

I won the show 3 times in a row, was offered opportunities to go on to what might have been big time stardom however by that time I'd joined the military and my commanding General insisted I serve my time and then pursue the big time later. I had 4 years to do. By they I'd been forgotten.

I became a police officer after the service in the military and then a narcotics officer for the State of Idaho. After a few years there I began working with drug rehab centers. Eventually I left law enforcement to become involved full time with a rehab center called "Bible Way Rehabilitation Center" in Richland Washington.

As a member of the staff of this Christian organization I started a singing group made up of several ex drug addicts. This was back in the hippie days.

Now imagine if you will. . . here is a ex narcotics officer leading a group of singers who are ex drug addicts. As we traveled around the Northwest singing up beat contemporary Gospel music in parks, beaches, conventions, schools, churches, each one in the group would between songs share how they had been on drugs and were now free and how. ( I won't go into all that except to say Jesus was involved). There were hippies everywhere and they came by the bunches to our concerts and we recruited them to follow us back to Richland where we gave them shelter, food and teaching.

It was while leading this group I started writing Gospel yodeling songs. I no anyone had ever heard of such a thing but I took the scripture where it says in Psalm 100 to "Make a joyful noise" which means make any gleeful sound. I used that as my excuse and began to sing and yodel gospel songs which became such accepted then that soon I was being invited all over the United States and Canada.

I eventually left the rehab center as invitations came from so many different places and so far away there was no way to take a whole group of 40 young people with me. A little note. . . most of them ended up in one type of ministry or another and some are missionaries. Talk about a successful rehab program huh?

So I could go on and on and tell you stories that even I have a hard time believing happened but they did but I spent the last 30 years traveling the world and not once did I ever look for a place or ask for a place to sing and share with every denomination and Christian group or organization you can name. Matter of fact I stopped counting at singing at over 6000 Full Gospel business men's Banquets.

Oh yes, I also did and do a lot of secular (That's not Gospel to you floggers)

concerts where I sing allot of the old yodeling western songs from the past plus I have written many of my own.

My career was cut short a year and a half ago as I was standing on my own lawn minding my own business when a young man with a pickup truck came across my lawn at about 65 miles an hour and hit me square. I was standing next to another pickup that kept me up or he'd have run over me and killed me but instead he turned that pickup completely around with me in between, then went on and hit a couple more vehicles. My right leg was badly smashed and after a month in the hospital getting it put together I have spent most of the time since then in therapy getting my leg to work again. I had to have the knee replaced just a couple month ago which was the last operation needed to put me back on my feet.

I have not sung or yodeled since. I am back on my feet but with a terrible limp that I'm not sure will ever go away. I still have the yodel though I'm out of practice, I can still sing but I don't know where I go from here.

I plan on going to Arizona for the winter where I have spent many winters doing concerts for the snow birds. (That's all those retired folks who go south for the winter in case you floggers don't know.) Maybe I'll get started again but for now I'm just taking it one day at a time.

I hope this hasn't been too boring and I hope its not too long. There just was no place to start or stop because there is so much more on either end of the story.

Thank you all for allowing me to share this. Go ahead and blog or flog or what ever and I will enjoy every bit of it.

You all are terrific and you made my year.

Sincerely,

Buzz Goertzen

The Idaho Yodeler

www.theidahoyodeler.com

If the Blog's Bad, Just Don't Read!

2008-05-31T12:41:00.004-06:00

I've said it repeatedly, but I don't blame you if you don't believe me. This is NOT a sports blog. But sports are a big part of my life, and therefore a big part of the blog. And besides, somethings just can NOT be ignored. So as we eagerly await to hear from Buzz, I feel compelled to address some recent NBA happenings, and while the C's moving into an epic NBA Finals against the Great Big Pacific Salt-Water Body of Water Hundreds of Miles South of Tahoe Lakers is big news, you either already know or don't care. The REAL blog-worthy story is this -- the league announced that starting next year, players are going to be fined for falling down without being pushed.

It's amazing how often I'm watching sports (usually the Lions, really) and I find myself screaming at "my" players "FALL DOWN LESS!!!" as my guys stumble over hash-marks and watch helplessly from the turf as the opposing player carries the ball past them. You see, in sports, falling down very rarely provides an unfair competitive advantage. I've listened to a lot of post-game interviews, and never have I heard a coach or player explain the outcome with anything like "Well, I think the key to the win today was the way we were able stay off our feet. Whenever there was any contact at all, we just hit the deck and it really paid off in the end." I've never read somebody talk about practice or mini-camp and say "Today we just worked mostly on fundamentals, some conditioning, and trying to fall down more." What's next here -- will there be fouls called for failing to contest lay-ups and dunks? Will players be suspended for missing free-throws? Will there be a "three strikes and you're out" (baseball analogy, I know) rule against being beaten off the dribble by a slow white power forward?

Look, I get why they're doing it. Flopping's ridiculous and shameful, but how can you fine a player for choosing to put himself at a competitive disadvantage? I know it's hard and all, but isn't the real answer to just officiate properly? If a dude falls and isn't fouled, just let him fall! This ain't exactly spur-science here, right? But in the middle of the most horrifically officiated playoffs in memory -- and this is with the mole ref OUT of the league, remember -- the answer is apparently to fine players for attempting to take advantage of inept refs. Unbelievable.

We Have an Accord

2008-05-28T10:57:00.003-06:00

Not an accordion (that would be polka, not yodeling), but an accord. That's right -- I'm very, VERY happy to announce that THE Buzz Goertzen has agreed (with some degree of enthusiasm, even!) to contribute a post to Flogging. . . .

What a long, strange trip it's been. Honestly, this blog was never even intended to be read, really. And then it's found by the mother of a member of a metal band, then the granddaughter of the (to my knowledge, at least) greatest living yodeler, and I can only ask myself "what's next"? And, in order to REALLY take it to the next level, I'm forced to ask . . . Dido? Are you out there? Let's hit the trifecta, baby!

But until then (and by "then" I mean "never") -- we'll be awaiting a blog by Buzz. He's busy and out of his home at the moment and so I've happily removed my one week time clock. Buzz will do what Buzz will do, whenever Buzz will do it. And that's just pretty cool with me.

Stirring Up a Buzz!

2008-05-26T19:55:00.004-06:00

If you're new (or new-ish, even) to "Flogging. . ." you may not know the name Buzz Goertzen. Your ignorance, however understandable, must be rectified. Click here and read up on the mysterious and borderline paranormal way in which an otherwise forgettable conversation in a warehouse has exploded into a legitimate theme in my life and absolute highlight of my blog. In blog entry tags, Goertzen ranks third behind sports and general -- but he is the unquestioned number one in our hearts as well as response, reader enthusiasm, and ripple-effect into my real life, as the posts in the above link should make abundantly clear.

Now, however, the yodeling invasion has been taken to a previously un-imaginable level. In the last two days, by virtue of blog comments (read them at the bottom of the post here) and a myspace message, I've been contacted by Buzz's daughter Tammy Sue, Buzz's dragon-esque granddaughter Chelsea, and finally the Idaho Yodeler himself.

As my previous posts indicate, for a while the way yodeling was suddenly showing up in the most unexpected places in my life was equal parts amusing and disturbing, but with this newest level I'm ready to completely abandon myself to the whims of the yodel-gods with a previously un-considered recklessness. I don't know where this may take me, but I never -- NEVER -- expected to be here blogging about Buzz Goertzen and his family (!) writing about my blog. So I'm pushing my chips into the middle and I'm going to let 'em ride. Let's see what kind of level we can take this to, really. I'm making this your show, Buzz. I'm offering you -- no, I'm BEGGING of you -- to take control of "Flogging. . ." for one post. Anything at all you want to say, use this platform. I give you my word to faithfully post whatever it is that you'd like to say, complete and un-edited (assuming, of course, that you stay away from profanity and what not). I'll give you an entire week. I'm pretty sure that the readers would love to read whatever it is you'd like to share, and I KNOW it would be my honor. Don't let us down Buzz -- you're on the clock!

Two Words:

2008-05-19T00:43:00.000-06:00

Paul Pierce.

Tim Donaghy Thought You Got Calls, Bro

2008-05-17T16:43:00.004-06:00

At least by pro athlete standards, LeBron seems like a decent enough guy. He doesn't get upset over hard fouls that aren't dirty, he seems respectful, plays hard, and doesn't mind to smile and have a good time. That said, what can you say about him complaining to the refs in last nights game 6 -- the game where he personally shot more free throws than the entire Boston team? In the same game where Glen Davis got hammered every time he touched the ball, never saw a free-throw, and was called for 5 fouls himself in 15 minutes, you played 47 minutes, shot 15 frees, and were called for exactly 2 fouls. It's a little bit like if Moses had to go back across the Red Sea because he forgot his Teva's and decided that the world just wasn't fair because the water stayed in it's place.

A Slumpbuster Going Into the Offseason

2008-05-12T19:21:00.003-06:00

So it's been a loooong time for "Flogging . . .". So long that people noticed. Wow! Here's the question, though -- did my (in my proud papa's mind, at least) strong post before the layoff help at all? I can't see how it would have, which leads me to today's post.

It's halftime of the C's/Cavs game 4, and the announcers (I don't have cable, can't go out for EVERY playoff game [I'm hoping for quite a few more] so I'm listening to a radio feed on-line) mentioned something that I can't help but think is probably THE single-most over-rated thing is sports -- momentum going into the locker room.

Really -- when the teams return for the second half in twenty minutes or whatever, having taken some time to regroup, collect themselves, shoot-around, and re-calibrate generally, who's going to be thinking "Golly, I'm sure glad we were feeling better 20 minutes ago!"

Doesn't halftime kind of kill any sense of momentum, even in the most outrageous of playoff atmospheres? For real now, isn't "momentum going into halftime" kind of like getting really, REALLY wet before toweling off? Could anything mean less?

In fairness, there are other contenders for the crown that represents the pinnacle of meaninglessness in sports. Shots on goal in hockey (only the ones that go in count, right?). 40 times of offensive linemen. Soccer. But even these are at least tangible. Momentum isn't tangible, but we all know it exists . . . but we also know that if a time out can dampen it, halftime stomps it's lifeless corpse into an impotent, unrecognizable husk.

You know what's NOT under-rated, though? Clever endings to blog entries. And I don't have one.

Seriously -- Is this the Best We Can Do?

2008-03-28T13:18:00.007-06:00

No question -- The United States is a nation with a shortage. As Opening Day is all but upon us, there are nigh a handful of teams who are genuinely satisfied with their pitching rotation, and probably even less that like the depth of their bullpens. Shortly thereafter, NFL teams will bemoan the fact that there simply aren't 32 NFL level punters or place-kickers to be found. And a swing through your choice of Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy's, Arby's, or Hardee's will make glaringly obvious that our nation comes several million employees shy of however many million employees would be needed to competently staff our food service industry with individuals who can consistently provide reasonable service and the necessary self control to keep the onions off of my wife's sandwich. All of these shortages are regrettable, but also at some level understandable and of negligible long-term impact.

As far as President of the United States goes, however, I fully recognize that to be a truly strong and suitable candidate is no short order -- but come on, people -- we only need one! Is this truly a nation that, in a quest to find the best candidate from the however many million citizens, will eventually settle upon one of the three remaining legitimate possibilities? Seriously now -- is this REALLY the best we can do? Let's have a look at what we're dealing with here, in alphabetical order (so that it'll be something legitimate that I wrote that you decide to hate me for):

Hillary Clinton

Negative: Absolutely polarizing, for one. A member of the Democratic party. Also, you have to question the decision making of somebody who married Bill Clinton, right? I mean, if you voted for the guy that's one thing -- she MARRIED the dude. Plus, taking the capitalistic system that helped make this the greatest nation in the world and pushing it full-force toward socialism might not be a good idea. I don't know . . . how did that work out for the USSR (I miss them, by the way)? How are things in Cuba?

Positive: She ought to know her way around the White House. And let's face it, she pretty much ran the country while her husband was . . . um . . . otherwise incapacitated.

Sports equivalent: Brenda Warner. Even while her husband (who's attributes are still hotly debated) was enjoying his day in the sun, somehow his wife garnered something more than her fair share of the press, lending credibility to the idea that perhaps she had as much or more to say about what went down than he did. Whatever her experience around the big-time, however, there's no real way you're ok with her taking snaps from center on Sunday afternoons, right?

John McCain

Negative: Completely un-inspiring. Really old. A member of the Republican party. Um . . . not much more to say.

Positive: Probably doesn't eat much anymore. Least likely to be an embarrassment (unless a Viagra endorsement deal comes along). Least likely to do any real damage. Or anything else, really.

Sports equivalent: Eric Piatkowski. Your reaction should be one of either 1) "Who?" or 2) "He's still in the league?" Yep, he's still in the league -- he's in Phoenix, incidentally. And he's ok to have on your team . . . if he gets about 10 minutes a game and is on the bench while the game's on the line. If he's your big gun though . . . let's just say that nobody's coming out to see your team play.

Barak Obama

Negative: Every bit as polarizing as Hillary. He's never really done anything. He's young and inexperienced. There are all manner of rumors about the people surrounding him (his pastor, his supporters, his WIFE!) being hate-filled and bigoted.

Positive: He's likable and sure can deliver a speech.

Sports equivalent: Isaiah Thomas. Sure, Thomas had a remarkable career with a basketball in his hands and short-shorts on his . . . um . . . shorts, but his talents just never translated outside of that context. His shortcomings as an analyst ("when Larry, Micheal, and myself were in the league") have paled in comparison to his Matt Millen-like mis-management. He single-handedly bankrupted the CBA, was fired from the Pacers by Larry Bird himself (chuckle), and has completely run the Knicks into the ground (double chuckle). Add to that his "out of the office" issues (sexual harassment suit, Raptors ticket issues) and underlying rumblings of racism and just pure lack of talent recognition ("If Larry Bird was a black guy, he would be just another good guy") and hindsight begins to shine where foresight failed -- maybe putting this cat in charge of stuff wasn't as good of an idea as it may have appeared! Once we include "Bird stole the inbounding pass!!!", the fact that Isaiah had his success with one of the dirtiest teams in NBA history (correlate with a Democrat from Illinois -- I'm just sayin'), and that Isaiah was himself from Illinois, and you'd start to think I was making some of this up.

Really, you're telling me THESE are the best that our nation has to offer? Wow. Just, "wow". Maybe I just haven't been paying enough attention, but never before has Brewster's Millions seemed legitimately prophetic.

Gluttons for Flogging

2008-03-24T17:35:00.004-06:00

It happened at 10:15 pm on Thursday March 20. There was no fanfare, no fireworks, and certainly no press coverage. If CNN was aware of the story they either buried it on the cutting room floor or else nobody ever told me that it was a "go" story. But don't be fooled by what the mass media choses not to tell you -- it happened.

Flogging, But With a "B" has now received a hit from every state in the union, as well as the District.

It's the 50+1.

As well as at least 71 other countries, some of which I've never heard of (have the Aland Islands just recently appeared since my college geography class? Was there a big sub-oceanic volcano in a place that has great weather and so it became inhabited and hooked up the internet since I was in college? How does this happen?) (ok, I looked them up, and I guess not), have also stopped in.

I have to say, for a blog that was never actually intended to be read in the first place, it's quite an accomplishment. I never imagined that I'd be able to disappoint such a substantial swath of society with meaninglessness and drivel. I've covered sports and metal, non-sports and Buzz Goertzen, more sports, more metal, and a bit about church/Christ-following and myself. And then some more sports. I could have done it without you, of course, but I didn't. Well, sort of I did. But that's not the point. I don't think? Ok, I have no idea what the point is, but I sure hope it's a good one.

And so the only appropriate things to say at this point would be "thank you" and "I'm sorry." And now I'll try to disappoint you on a somewhat more regular basis than I have been of late!

I'm Not Even Sure I'm a Mile Wide, Really

2008-03-14T18:44:00.004-06:00

I'm not all that introspective (do you READ this blog?!?!?), but I had a bit of a self-realization the other day. No, I didn't suddenly come to realize that my true calling was in clogging or cat juggling (honestly, I can't even juggle guinea pigs) or anything crazy like that, and truthfully it wasn't even something positive. I realized that I'm shallow.

There, I said it. I'm shallow.

Now before we all go get a kink in our hose about this, let's take care of what it does NOT mean.

1) It does NOT mean that I don't care about people. I really, genuinely, honestly do. I care a lot, about a lot of people.

2) It's not the same as being superficial. I don't care what people look like, dress like (honestly, one of my best friends wears vests and thinks they're awesome . . .), where they've come from, how much money they make, whatever. None of that crap means anything to me. If you're poor and ugly but laugh at my jokes, I'll like you just fine (if you're thinking "Oh good -- that's me!" . . . wow that's tragic but there are SO many jokes there . . .).

3) It doesn't mean that I can't or don't think deep thoughts. It's not the same as being stupid.

What DOES it mean, then? Basically this, I think -- I don't want to watch a movie that "really makes you think." I'd rather talk about sports than "world events" (the Olympics, by the way, fall into the "world events" category -- see here). I desperately want you to see the same beauty, truth, and freedom in Jesus Christ that I do, but I don't want to "enter into a dialogue that seeks to promote some yada yada whatever". There are jokes to be made and metal to be listened to, and chili dogs don't eat themselves. But do you know what provided the ultimate verification of my self-diagnosed shallow-ness? It really doesn't bother me.

So if you want something deep, click here or here. Note how their blogs aren't team color-themed and they seem to have something to say. Me? I'll probably continue with sports, metal, occasional church stuff, and lots of jokes you don't get. You see, that doesn't bother me either . . . .

Re-rewriting the books

2008-02-22T21:04:00.003-06:00

Quite a day in University of Oklahoma athletic history! And, much like the post just a couple down, indeed what happened today is relevant to only what happened yesterday.

For one, the 8 games that the OU football team won in 2005? The games that the team walked off of the field having achieved victory, as was reported by SportsCenter and newspapers and the interweb as being Oklahoma victories? Yeah, those -- the wins that were later "vacated" after a couple morons on the team got caught taking money that they hadn't earned? Well it turns out they're wins again. What do you say about that kind of mad action? I wonder if Vegas bookies have contingencies for these things. Imagine the guy who bet the house on OU over UO in the Holiday Bowl, won, and took a sweet European vacation with his newfound windfall. Then come NCAA sanctions a couple years later and "officially" then OU did NOT beat UO after all. Of course, our newly cultured friend can't pay up -- the dollars that he'd won have long been converted to Euros and shot into his arm in Amsterdam. So he gets a couple fingers chopped off and his house is torched in the middle of the night. Hey -- that's why they call it gambling, no? Anyway -- suddenly his horse came through after all after all -- but what about those fingers? Do bookies keep them in milk so that they can be lovingly re-attached should such an unforeseen circumstance arise? I doubt it -- these plot twists really are fairly un-foreseeable.

Anyway, in other news that happens to relate to continuing sagas of OU athletic black-eyes, their last basketball coach -- the one who had the program put on probation etc. due to his recruiting violations and then bolted like HE was the one who had been put in a bad spot -- was bought out toady as coach of IU after being investigated for the exact same thing that he did at OU. You'd think somebody who was essentially a teacher would learn faster than that, wouldn't you? Anyway -- how does he get caught cheating twice within two years and wind up in a great spot both times? First he bolts OU for the tradition-rich basketball-crazed Hoosier job, then he takes a $750,000 buyout as a punishment? Seriously now, I realize that his earning potential and reputation and all that are severely damaged, but I should be so lucky, right? If that's having the hammer dropped then line me up and call me nail any day. Ridiculous.

Syringes are dripping with irony

2008-02-15T20:18:00.004-06:00

I don't know if Roger Clemens used HGH, watches HGTV on HDTV, or smokes THC while driving a GMAC to KFC. And really, I don't care either. Aside from the increasingly bizarre stories that continue to circulate around him (HGH gives you a virtually un-hittable four-seamer . . . and your wife a smokin' hot swimsuit model bod! who knew?), I really just wish the whole thing would go away so that the sports world could focus on my Celtics and the IU recruiting violations debacle (and even that's getting old to this Oklahoma fan -- more on THAT irony another day, if you're lucky). There's one angle, though, that just absolutely stands up and begs to be pointed and laughed at.

So there's corruption in baseball. Action must be taken. Ok, whatever, that's fine. Now I understand the whole anti-trust exemption and some of what goes along with that, but seriously, who's idea was it to bring in THE GOVERNMENT to A) find the truth, and B) clean up the cheating? Really? The government? Were the Gambino's overbooked? Isn't bringing in the government to help restore the integrity of the game a little like calling on Howard Stern to restore a higher level of appropriateness, Elizabeth Taylor for making marriages work, or Paris Hilton for personal dignity? And then it gets even better when, before the hearing, Roger's signing and giving away balls -- and just that quickly the government cats are breaking their own rules themselves before they even get to ask a question. You just can't make this stuff up kids.

In at least some seriousness, though -- does baseball really require the attention of our countries leaders? I know I voted for my representative because I want them to be involved in bettering education for our children, decreasing the tax burden and ridiculous welfare system, and taking a tough stance against performance enhancing drugs in pro sports. At first you'd think there might be something more important that you might like your fearless leaders to be working with . . . until you remember that they're the government and their track record (pun intended -- ha!) isn't all that impressive . . . maybe baseball is a good place for them to spend a while after all. In fact, I went to pee-wee soccer game the other day and thought some of those kids looked suspiciously big and fast (no word on their wives swimsuit spreads) -- hey, Mr. Congressman! Come quick!!!

If they can put a man on the moon . . .

2008-02-08T19:59:00.000-06:00

Was it Seinfeld that had the bit about putting a man on the moon being the standard for competency? Everything that seems like it should be easy (light sauce on my wife's fettuccine alfredo, using a turn signal, customer service people who speak English) is held up against putting a man on the moon to demonstrate gross negligence. Well strangely enough, it seems as though gross negligence is helping us really take things to the next level, because now we not only have put a man on the moon, we're legitimately flirting with the next dimension of flux capacitor-inspired technology -- time travel. Somehow, however, messing with time messes with the future just as a young McFly once learned, and the resultant paradox may not, in the end, result in the destruction of the universe, but things are getting fun regardless.

Here's the (latest) scoop -- in an NBA game on 12/19/07 (happy birthday sis!) in Atlanta, one Mr. Shaquille O'Neil was fouled out of the game after only his 5th foul due to a scoring error. His Miami Heat lost the game but filed an appeal with the league because -- really -- how does this crap happen? The league decided that, due to the competitive disadvantage that resulted from the error, the rest of the game now never happened and they'll replay the last 51 seconds as if we're still back in the days of the undefeated New England Patriots. Pretty bizarre, no? But here's where it gets genuinely jacked up -- Miami just traded O'Neil. That's right -- the player whose incorrect disqualification resulted in the net effect of a backyard do-over won't even be in the building this time. What a tangled web we weave, indeed.

Stuff like this goes on, though. Because a couple of morons from Oklahoma took money from a summer "job" that they didn't work, an entire season of wins has been "vacated". USC's being investigated (we think? where are you, NCAA?) for some funny business that went on with Reggie Bush that could (should? where are you, NCAA?) end with them vacating a Championship and Bush a Hiesman trophy.

Here's the question that plagues me now, though -- if they can "fix" glaring mistakes like these, can the record be straightened on some others? Here's a partial list of errors every bit as egregious as mis-counting to 6 on Shaq:

1) Oklahoma/Oregon on-side kick debacle. Not only does replay CLEARLY show that an Oregon player touched the ball before it went the required 10 yards -- but even then Oklahoma recovered the ball! It was blown 4 different times, really -- the ten yards and the recovery were both blown on the field and in the replay booth. Unfathomable. At least one official was suspended for the rest of the year and that's an Oregon alum who you hear say it's a bad call on the video clip. If the call's made correctly, Oklahoma wins right there. Nonetheless, the record still shows that Oregon won the game. Unfathomable.

2) Colorado's fifth down. What's worse than not counting accurately to six? How about not making it to five? Colorado scored the winning touchdown in the final moments . . . on fifth down. You don't have to be a big football fan to know that there is no such thing as fifth down. Apparently the officials weren't big football fans?

3) Vinny Testaverde scores with his helmet (see the pic about halfway down). On a 4th down play in the waning moments, the officials mistake Testaverde's white helmet for the brown ball and award a game-winning touchdown to the Jets. This is, on some level, the call that brought back instant replay to the NFL, but somehow that didn't help Dennis Erickson keep his job.

4) Hull wins the Cup with a foot on either side. This "goal" ended sudden-death overtime and awarded the Stanley Cup to Dallas. I know you don't know anything about hockey, but suffice to say that you can't score with your foot in the blue ice. His foot's in the crease. Not even close -- and in the biggest moment imaginable.

Now -- if we can replay the end of games from months before, vacate a season of wins years later -- if we can put a man on the frickin' moon -- can't we do *something* about these games? An asterisk? A youtube link? A blog poll? I'm only one man, but if I'll stand for anything, it's trying to not suck.

The Good Doctor Award?

2008-02-01T20:07:00.000-06:00

So a couple weeks ago we decide to go to the Cracker Barrel. Nothing unusual there -- Baby works nights on Sunday and often Mondays, and when she gets up at 5 or so after her "last" night of the week, she wants french toast and I could want anything. So after enough disappointments at Waffle House (seriously, how bad do things have to be to have a disappointment at Waffle House? it's not like we were expecting Taco Bell level service, just any service at all would be great), Cracker Barrel has become something of a habit if not quite a tradition.

All that to say that there was nothing out of the ordinary a couple weeks ago when Baby woke up and wanted to go to Cracker Barrel. We'd always gone to the one on Bardstown Rd and the Snyder, though, but on this evening she asked about the one on Blankenbaker (we live really right about in between the two). In predictable fashion, of course I resisted change, but then gave in. Blankenbaker it would be. No big deal.

No big deal, that is, until right after our food came out and a woman at a table next to ours suddenly started banging on her table and then stood up, hands clutching her throat. Baby asked if she was choking and if she needed help and then leapt into action! She Heimliched this poor woman about 20 times before finally a hunk of roast beef special popped out. This was the real deal here -- for proof of the seriousness of the situation you need look no further than the fact that the mortified choker had soaked both of their pants in her urine. Of course things were eventually ok, and eventually everybody went home happy-ish, if a little bit freaked out.

Anyway, all that to say that word of Baby's heroism reached the pertinent people at her (our) hospital, and this week her floor had a party celebrating her and that she's going to be awarded the hospital system-wide (several hospitals) "Good Samaritan Award". One of the higher-ups at her party mentioned how the award was actually named for the founder of the hospital, who had become known as the Good Samaritan. Isn't that a little bit like saying that an NBA Championship ring is named after Bill Russel because he has so many of them? What about that hypothetical but monstrously influential good Samaritan? And must that not just eat up traditional Jews that this fictitious "good" Samaritan has been giving their hated half-brothers a good name for a couple centuries now? I just can't help but laugh at the irony of the whole situation.

So that's fun, Baby gets (another!) award (she racks up awards like Bengals rack up arrest warrants) and is a superstar (I, of course, had already figured that one out), and now it's back to Bardstown Rd for french toast. And if you made it this far, you figured out the rest -- that I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

I'd Like to Thank the Acadamy . . . .

2008-01-25T10:31:00.000-06:00

Wake the kids, call the neighbors. The accolades are beginning to rain down on Flogging, But With a "B" like . . . well, like somewhere that doesn't get much rain. Now I KNOW that this will create a lot of questions for you, and so I'd like to do whatever I can to help you work through these uncertain times.

1) (a) What did you win, and (b) why?

a) Kathy has awarded me (along with Uriah -- that was rough the way that king and your wife did you, bro, condolences for real) the coveted (maybe?) "You Cheer Me Up" award, because (b) I cheer her up (duh!) by listening to, enjoying, and have even occasionally blogging about A Plea for Purging, for which her son contributes loud bang-y noises.

2) What does this mean?

I think it's another evidence that I'm getting WAY to old to listen to metal/hardcore. Seriously, let's look at this -- I'm now relating to and becoming internet "friends" with the parents of band members more than actual band members. Seriously, what's next, the "You make me feel young again" award from Mr. and Mrs. Mick Jagger?

3) Are you parents proud?

Depends -- are they proud about the award? Not particularly. Are they pretty excited that I married someone who makes enough money that I don't have to ask them for cash anymore? Absolutely!

4) Aren't you supposed to pass these things on or something?

I think so. And so, after much deliberation and straw-drawing, I hereby bestow my very first blogging award, the coveted "You Cheer Me Up Award" to Jered. Jered -- you actually write stuff, and plus you came and visited me in South Dakota once. That was pretty cool. But treat her carefully, my friend, because the next thing you know there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I've seen it a hundred times . . . .

Do You Know Why I Hate Bloggers?

2008-01-21T10:23:00.000-06:00

It's MLK Day, and although I'm not a "tribute" kind of guy, it's interesting to think on what the man did and what it must have been like to live in a world where his lot in life was largely determined by race. Hopefully, by 2008, we can all agree that such a situation is/was egregious and indicative of a complete absence of critical thinking skills. In fighting racism, MLK surely provided advancement not only for people of his race, but for the thought processes and cultural advancement of all of America.

Have "we" really come so far, though? Since moving to Kentucky I've been shocked to realize how alive and well racism remains, but even among those who would appear to be ahead of the curve in recognizing people as individuals, ignorance and hatred and bigotry still seem to rear their ugly heads in only superficially different venues. "Enlightened", "tolerant" people who would never EVER be caught dead making any kind of a racist comment -- and would loudly and proudly condemn anybody who may -- are often scratching their itchy trigger finger in firing off against the cause/people group/following/whatever you want to call it to which I've dedicated my life -- Jesus Christ and his Church.

Christianity, the Church as a whole, and Christ-followers in general seem constantly bombarded for a veritable cornucopia of (always old, rehashed) reasons. It's always crap like these:

"Over the centuries Christianity has done so much harm -- look at the Crusades!"

"There's just obviously something wrong with all of the Catholic Priests and little boys and stuff."

"Christians and pastors are just such hypocrites, I would never want to even be associated with something like that."

I'm obviously not going to defend any of the atrocities that have been committed either in the name of Christianity or by Christians -- they're obviously many and often legitimately indefensible. What I would contend, however, is that writing off Jesus based on the actions of certain segments of those who claim to follow him is no more reasonable than racism.

For one thing, although those who profess to follow Christ certainly HAVE committed atrocities of the highest rank, what other religion, philosophy, or anti-everything hasn't had similar pitfalls? It goes without saying that the Muslim religion is no less blemished than Christianity between the eternal violence in the Middle East and the fact that it took two parties to create the Crusades. We don't hear much about it, but apparently the violence against both Christians and Muslims in India is substantial and perpetrated by (some) followers of the Hindu religion. Apparently Southern Thailand is a scene for Buddhist-on-Muslim atrocities. The oft-idealized Native Americans, with their earthy, naturalistic spiritualism, partook their fair share of murderous violence. And to those who conclude that the only avenue left is atheism, we'll just lump you in bed with Stalin and see how that tastes for you.

Obviously (I hope) I'm not trying to accuse or condemn every religion or belief system or whatever as brutal and evil, nor all of their followers. I'm just saying that, to be fair, there's no one system that stands innocent. Even Scientology, as young as it is, couldn't give Tom Cruise the tools to make a marriage to Nicole Kidman work. Seriously, who among us couldn't make it work with NICOLE KIDMAN!!!

Secondly, I'm saying that poisoning the well is easy. Look, this and that and the other thing is all bad because of a, b, c, yada yada yada. Again, it's the exact same thought process that has given us racism, ethnocentrism, and a host of other scourges of society. I expect better than that from you, no matter who you are.

Without beating to death what I hope is clear at this point, let me conclude with this -- it's your choice to either embrace or reject Jesus Christ, the Church, Christianity, whatever word or phrase you want to use. All I'm saying is this -- do it with thought and reason. Go to the real source and get your facts straight before you condemn. And please, at least try to be consistent in your train of thought. We ALL use bad arguments from time to time, but that's no reason to despise logic.

Fine Then, No More Freaking Riddles!

2008-01-14T21:41:00.000-06:00

I'm not saying that I'm superstitious. I'm not going to pretend that Flogging, But With a "B" has any kind of paranormal effect on the world. I really don't believe in mythical beings like unicorns or "basketball gods." All I'm going to do is give you the facts:

On Wednesday, I posted an excited blog about the Celtics, Sooners, and Coyotes. They were, at that time, a combined 55-6. After OU gets finished off by Kansas tonight (as I write they're down 30 with 4:00 to go), they'll be a combined 2-6 since posting. There. Those are the facts.

And do you know what? After being kicked while I was down through the entire 2nd half of the NFL season, I'd almost forgotten what it even felt like to be kicked while I was up. . . .

Riddle Me This . . .

2008-01-09T12:48:00.000-06:00

What's even better than Celtic Women? The 2007-08 Celtic men! At a ridiculous 29-3, it's at LEAST time to see some green on this page and celebrate the story of the NBA though the first half of the season. The last few years haven't been easy to be green, but this year (ironically after trading all of the players named Green/Greene) all is right in the world and order is restored. I hope you enjoy the new look as much as I do, then, as I look forward to taking in a C's game in person for the first time in years next month. Happpy Valentine's Day to me!!!

On a similar note, as the Big XII season starts up this Saturday, even my young Sooner hoops team has rebounded extremely well from a disappointing home loss to Stephen F. Austin with five straight, including Arkansas, Gonzaga, and -- as luck would have it -- West Virginia. So a tourney birth is still probably 9 wins away from being a reality, but hopes and spirits are high for the first time in a couple of years. Boomer!!!

Speaking of OU, however, it seems from people's reactions and questions to me that a word about the OU Fiesta Bowl fiasco is in order. Losing ALWAYS hurts -- especially when it's OU football, we're just not used to it -- but I'm not all in tears over this one. No matter what the media or whoever wants to say, West Virginia is a very good team and there's no particular shame in losing to them (as opposed to last year). Besides that, they just played an extremely good football game, whereas "we" played extremely well for about 10 minutes. So we lost the Fiesta Bowl, and that's too bad. BUT we beat Saxet, we crushed little brother, and we hang yet another Big XII Championship. Nice. All the Fiesta Bowl means in post-season ranking and one game. OU's about Championships, and as nice as a Fiesta Bowl trophy would be, they took the B12 and the National Championship wasn't on the line anyway. They're going to be LOADED next year, and so let's go get the big one. For now we can move on.

And the Lions? Sigh. Well Martz got fired, and that's good because SURELY it's the guy with the Super Bowl ring that was holding everybody else back, right? For what it's worth I agree that he needed to go, but I'm pretty tired of people getting fired and hired and fired and hired and fired and nothing ever really changing. Maybe there's another problem, hmmmm. . . .

For now, though, it's hoops season. My South Dakota Coyotes are 14-0, and Boston goes for 10 in a row tonight against Charlotte. Dance, Gino, dance!

Metal from Heaven In 2007

2008-01-02T13:34:00.000-06:00

Ok, so December was crazy busy and I haven't updated in a while. Sorry Nick! No worries, though, you won't like this one either. Maybe next time . . . .

Anyway, since I have exactly zero readers who listen to or care about metal, I thought I'd make it my business to post my top-ten albums from the past year. Let's face it -- blogs are, by their very nature, pretentious and self-absorbed, so you'll just have to excuse me for this one and chalk it up to PAC-10 refs. And I have good news -- there should be a new Dido record for 2008!

First, the gem from 2006 that I didn't hear until 2007:

Eluveitie -- Spirit: Amazing. Plus, just by listening you'd never guess there were more than six or seven members!

Second, a record that I have no idea what to do with:

War of Ages -- Fire From the Tomb: A re-recording of (mostly) material from 2005 that's marketed as a new album. If it "counts" as 2007, it's probably top 3-ish, but really, how do you figure?

Third, a couple records that surely would have made the list but they evaded my grasp:

August Burns Red -- Messengers: I'd have if if interpunk wasn't lame and out of stock.

Common Yet Forbidden -- The Strugge: I'd have it if The End Records wasn't lame and out of stock.

Fourth, some honorable mention:

Demon Hunter – Storm the Gates of Hell
Decent, but again unable to fully re-capture the disturbing-ness of Summer of Darkness.

Impending Doom – Nailed. Dead. Risen.
The problem with deathcore? Rather than combine the brutality of death metal with the energy of hardcore, they put the brutality of death metal in the no-creativity box of hardcore. Insanely brutal album but it just doesn’t take me anywhere.

Sleeping Giant – Dread Champions of the Last Days
The most unique record of 2007, but too hit-and-miss to crack the list.

xDeathstarx – We Are the Threat
Very good hardcore, but that won’t break the list this year.

And finally, the top 10 records (that I've heard and am sure they count as 2007) of 2007:

10. Remove the Veil – Another Way Home
The whole “southern-fried metal” thing is about one band away from being old already, but I still can’t listen to this and not smile!

9. Dagon – Paranormal Ichthology
Honestly not quite what I was hoping for after Secrets of the Deep, although I think most of the let-down was in the production (what happened to the drum sound?). Still a fun record that I reach for months later.

8. Seventh Star – The Undisputed Truth
I always expect Seventh Star to be average and uninspired, and then they always punish me for my unbelief. I wish they’d punish me like this again – unfortunately they broke up, but fortunately they gave us this first.

7. Deliverance – As Above – So Below
Honestly I’d lost interest in Deliverance and all things Jimmy Brown, but after the buzz around this one I gave it a chance and was more than repaid. All metal, all heavy, and still progressive but not too much. Nice work fellas, very nice work.

6. Becoming the Archetype – The Physics of Fire
One of the greatest “disappointment” albums ever. It has to be tough to follow up something as beautiful as Terminate Damnation, but although I get lost in the technicality at times there are plenty of moments of brilliance as well.

5. Nodes of Ranvier – Defined by Struggle
Let’s face it – there’s nothing here that we haven’t heard before, but let’s also admit that they make it sound GREAT! Like Seventh Star, it’s too bad they broke up, but so good that they’re ending on an excellent note.

4. My Silent Wake – The Anatomy of Melancholy
Mmmmm, the tastiest doom/death album in years. Sorry, no bonus points for the double mellow acoustic disc, but this kind of metal needs bonus points like Mike Martz needs more passing plays. Brooding, plodding, epic, masterful.

3. Immortal Souls – Winteriech
In a mediocre year this could have been #1, it easily surpasses Ice Upon the Night and is probably their best record yet. Great songs played with an unbeatable fusion of melody and aggression.

2. A Plea for Purging – A Critique of Mind and Thought
Wow did THIS band catch me off-guard. With just a little more memorability this could have topped the list. Freaking amazing debut that either shreds like metalcore has never shredded or breaks-down like metal has never broken-down. Whatever, it slays.

1. As I Lay Dying – An Ocean Between Us
As popular as they’ve become, I’ve always figured them for a middle-of-the-pack metalcore band until now. Heavy, catchy, melodic, thrashy, and by far their most interesting and engaging album, I can’t shake these songs from my head or the cd from my player. Not that I would want to!

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

2007-12-17T12:34:00.000-06:00

Talk about dichotomy. The Celtics are very, very good. The Lions -- after a promising start -- are still the Lions. Check some of this out:

1) The Celtics played their first game on November 2. Since then, they've played a total of 22 games, while the Lions have played a total of 7. Despite playing less than one-third the number of games, the Lions have lost three times as many games as the Celtics (6 to 2).

2) In the same period of time, the Celtics have won 20 times as many games as the Lions (20 to 1). I can't make this stuff up, kids.

3) Lions opponents come close to outscoring Celtics opponents. The Knicks scored 59 points against the Celtics; the Eagles scored 56 and the Chargers 51 against the Lions. Typically, of course, an NBA team will score roughly 3 times the number of points of an NFL team.

4) Despite playing 3 or 4 more games every season, the Lions have had fewer wins than Oklahoma football every single season this millennium. Not only that, but twice (the current season will likely make three) in that time they've won MORE post-season (Big 12 Championships and bowls) games in a single season than the Lions have won since the inception of the Super Bowl.

5) In the last 6 weeks, the Dolphins have won more games than the Lions. In the same time, the Phillies have won the same number of games that the Lions have, and they're not even in uniform. In fact, I -- by myself (that is, not only without teammates, but also without a uniform, pads, a ball, or 150 total lbs of body mass) have won the same number of games as the Lions. Come to think of it, my dog, my grandmothers (I love you!), and John-Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt (sp?) have also won as many games as the Lions in the past six weeks. In fairness, however, my dog is surprisingly nimble for being overweight. I've never actually tried to tackle my grandmothers, so I'm not able to speak intelligently to their athletic prowess or lack thereof.

And do you know what? Really, it isn't even the worst of times. The Lions STILL have as many or more wins than any Lion team since '01. Wow. I truly never thought that the best of times would be so . . . below .500.

Impending Draft?

2007-12-14T19:34:00.000-06:00

So I saw Impending Doom last night. It was cool! On top of being insanely brutal, they seemed like fun and genuine people. I'm a bigger fan of theirs today than I was yesterday, and that's always better than those times that you go away thinking that your image of a band in your head (or on your cd insert) was way better than the real deal.

Do you know what's even nicer, though? I didn't get hit in the face! Call me pansy or old or whatever, but bloodless shows are a plus for me. The "dancers" DID, however, manage to knock out a window. That's right, they didn't break it, just completely popped the bad boy out of the wall and onto the sidewalk. Good times, good times.

It was so much fun I'd like to do it all over again . . . and so I check their page and sure enough, they'll be back . . . on Valentine's Day? DANG! That's a tall order for married guy. Impending deal with the wife? How many chick flicks will that cost me? I don't know, I mean I'm pretty hardcore and all, but Mandy Moore movies just don't move me, you know what I'm saying? Impending decision, I suppose.

Whatever. Sorry this post is so lame. I'll try to do better next time (but no promises).

Just a couple random thoughts in the meantime:

1) Professional athletes often put their bodies through massive amounts of abuse. Not Celtics back-up center Scot Pollard, though. He's missing time because of a bad back that he hurt getting out of his car at Starbucks. Huh, and I thought that $4 for a white chocolate mocha cost ME a lot, but I guess not compared to him. Anyway, he thought it was better until he apparently aggravated his injury by putting on socks. My goodness. Seriously, what makes a guy (or a front-office, not that I'm going to be at ALL critical of Danny "bring me number 17" Ainge) think that he's going to be able to compete at a world-class level athletically when getting coffee and wearing socks puts him out of the game? My good golly-gosh. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up -- click here and read it right from the globe.

2) There's a preliminary version of what will become a Life Pointe promotional dvd (as well as the full half-hour performance at 4th Street Live as broadcast on the CW) on here. It's pretty flippin' cool, y'all, and if you're in the Louisville area, reading this, and STILL haven't checked out a service, you're missing out. Make it happen, you won't be sorry!

4 Channels, and . . .

2007-12-08T18:05:00.000-06:00

It's the holidays, and for a bit Laura and I discussed not doing individual gifts for each other, but rather buying something big for "us". The best idea we had? A nice, new flat-panel or hd or plasma screen or whatever (I don't know the details of what's what and don't particularly care) tv. In fact, most of the obvious ways in which we could upgrade our "stuff" is in the tv family. We could get a home theater surround-sound deal, that sounds cool. Or an HD or Blu-Ray player (by the way -- come ON Sony -- is there a ration on "e"'s that you had to leave it off of "Blu-Ray"? Did Life Point e take your "e"?) would look nice in our entertainment center. And of course if we DID get a cool tv, we should really look into ditching the rabbit ears and hooking up cable to be able to enjoy our newest purchase.

WHAT?! You don't have cable?!

Nope. And we're not getting the tv. Do you know why? Not only are they still WAY too expensive for cheapskates such as ourselves, but no matter how great your tv is, there's still nothing on. Hook up more channels? No it just takes longer to realize that . . . there's still nothing on. Get an awesome HD dvd or Blu-Ray player? Movies -- not all of them, but far too many -- still suck.

Hey -- like everybody else, I think that plasma screens have awesome pictures, and I love the newer higher-tech devices that deliver better resolution and more powerful sound and all that. I really do -- I love that stuff enough that every few months I think we should buy some of it. But then I ask myself the next question -- what will I watch on it? Football. That's pretty much it, and even then there's at MOST 2 games a week that I REALLY care about, and I can go out and watch those -- and eat buffalo wings -- for the price of buffalo wings. Hook up cable? Now I'm just watching MORE football games that I don't even really care about rather than doing something more productive (like blogging about watching football). HD dvd's are cool, but no matter how beautifully crisp Glitter looks, it's still the same crap.

So here's my deal -- I wish that everybody who is the "entertainment industry" would just go ahead and leave well enough alone technologically for a while. We'll be fine with our tv's the way they are. Now won't you put some of that creative genius that brought us these fine fancy toys into developing stories and plot-lines and witty dialogue that will be worth watching? THEN, my friends, maybe we'll have a more serious talk about those $800 tv's.

"Fiesta" -- Espanol for "Shouldn't Have Lost to Colorado"

2007-12-02T19:36:00.001-06:00

So it's Ohio State and LSU. Whatever. Congratulations to the winner, I suppose.

Here's the deal -- OU was beyond spectacular last night in absolutely destroying the #1 (ranked) Missouri Tigers. It was an absolute joy to watch the Crimson and Cream (note the color change -- who reminded the Lions that they were the Lions?) take home another Big XII Championship. Wohoo! And then a little disappointing to come up short in terms of playing for the national championship. But do you know what? They don't deserve to play for the championship because they lost . . . twice. Of course LSU lost twice too, so do THEY deserve it? Nope. But that's what happens when you lose (TWICE) in college football -- close your eyes, clench your fists, and hope for the best. Who DOES deserve it, by the way? Pshhhhhhhh. Nobody, really. Just don't whine about your fate if you lost, that's all I'm saying.

A Big XII Championship, and maybe a Fiesta Bowl, too. That's pretty good. Next year might be even better. And in the meantime, there's still those Celtics . . . .

So . . . Do You Like Bacon?

2007-11-28T17:37:00.000-06:00

1. The Celtics lost, in overtime, on the road, to the defending Eastern Conference champions last night, and I'm upset about it. That's WAY better than, say, last year, when the losses were completely forgettable and the wins were shocking. So much better that I had to go order tickets for when they come to Indianapolis. Six years I've lived in Louisville, and never in that time did I make seeing a Celtics game a priority -- until now.

2. On Saturday OU plays the grammatically challenged but athletically formidable and #1 (ranked) Missouri ("Mizzou") Tigers for the Big Twelve Championship. And #1 is a three point underdog! It doesn't mean they don't "deserve" to be #1 -- they've lost one game and we've lost two -- it just goes to show that being the "best" team isn't always the most important thing. Anyway, here's to taking them down (again) and winning (another) conference championship. I know, it would probably put Ohio State in the championship game and nobody (outside of Ohio) wants that, but let's make it happen anyway.

3. Isn't Thanksgiving weekend supposed to be a "down" week for church attendance? Because Life Pointe just had our best attended service since Mother's Day and capped off our best attended month ever! The momentum and excitement are back, and if you're in or near Louisville you really owe it to yourself to check a service out. I really, really think you'll be altogether pleased with your decision.

4. Yep, I like bacon, too.

5. The latest from Nodes of Ranvier? Really quite enjoyable, if not necessarily original or groundbreaking. South Dakota's finest, and doing us all proud, thank you very much!

6. Fans of all things hilarious and worthy of repeated viewing click here. Just make sure you're not drinking anything that you don't want splattered all over your keyboard and monitor as you watch. You're welcome.

7. I desperately hope I have something more substantial to write about soon. In the meantime, if you can place the post title, leave it in the comments. That's right, the gauntlet's been thrown down. . . .

Way Late, But Way Fun!

2007-11-20T10:10:00.000-06:00

I know this is out of season already, but drop a note into the complaint jar if you must. I thought that Laura and I were hilarious at the Life Pointe Halloween party and wanted you to share in the delight. Wohoo! (click on them and they get really big)

(for reference sake)

Maybe the funniest part, though, is that we won the best costume contest and were awarded . . . are you ready for this? A gift card to Blockbuster! It's not *quite* as funny now that I changed jobs, but you can't buy that kind of hilarity, right?

And just because it's here and I know the world is full of haters and flamers, here's my little diatribe on Christ-followers and Halloween:

"Don't you know the evil origins of Halloween?" the reactionaries ask. "Whether you know it or not, by dressing up (or allowing your children to dress up) and going to a party you're participating in an evil pagan celebration and it's wrong, wrong, wrong!" (The tri-fold "wrong" makes it wrong, then right the second time, but ULTRA-wrong with the third negative.)

Ok, let's just take that train of thought to it's logical conclusion, shall we? If, due to it's origin and original intent, dressing up and getting fun-size Milky Way from the neighbors is participating in evil, what does that mean for Santa and the Easter Bunny? Wouldn't it be consistent, then, to say that "Whether they know it or not, children asking drunk mall Santas for HALO 4 and gangsta rap is participating in the celebration of the miraculous birth of our savior! In fact, every time I see the Christmas ads for Victoria's Secret I just can't help but fall to my knees and praise God for the subtle but real way he's invading our culture! Similarly, Cadbury Cream Eggs bring a tear to my eye, because I know that every child who develops cavities as a result is doing so because of their unwitting but surely monstrously influential celebration of the singular high-point of Christian redemptive history! Oh hallelujah, I'm going to break out into an impromptu chorus of my favorite Gaither song right now!"

Now I ask you -- have you EVER heard the same person who opposes Halloween be in favor of Santa and the Easter Bunny? That's what I thought. Why do people think it's so spiritual to be angry all the time and against everything? My goodness, eat a chocolate Santa, enjoy life, and go love somebody who needs it. . . .

Color change note -- I put the OU Crimson and Cream up when they vaulted themselves into the national title chase, and an invigorating chase it was. They're still having a great season, but that's over now, and the Lions are running down a playoff spot, so Honolulu blue it is!

TTFN, BBOL!

2007-11-14T11:21:00.000-06:00

Flogging, But With a "B" isn't necessarily full of "personal notes", but this one is worthwhile: this Friday the 16th is my last day at Blockbuster Online!

It's not that it's the worst job ever, per se. It doesn't pay much and the work is mindless and repetitive, but it's not necessarily unpleasant, at least when it's not 100+ degrees in the summer. That said, I'm moving on.

Laura got me an interview at the pharmacy in the hospital where she works, and the gig is just ridiculously ideal for my life. It's a PRN position, which means that I quite literally make my own schedule and (more or less) work whatever and as many hours as I decide to . . . and then get paid extra for the convenience. Seriously! As you might guess, the pharm is also climate controlled, which will be a very, VERY big plus come summer, and I'll actually know when my shifts will be ending before I go in.

And to top it off, how about this little gem -- at my job interview, the manager was asking questions about Life Pointe to the point(e) where I just couldn't NOT toss her an invite card (as tacky as that felt at a job interview), which she looked at, chuckled, and then ASKED FOR MORE!!! So while I'm desperate to make sure that everybody at BBOL gets invited out (one more time) before I'm gone for good, there's a whole new network of peeps that I'll get to meet and interact with, and hopefully invest in in a more meaningful way than was possible at the warehouse.

Hey, I met a lot of GREAT people and had some good times at BBOL (and also met some gold-medal losers and had some pretty bad days, but whatever), but it's time to turn the page. Friday is it! And then it's off to what I shall, from this point(e) on, affectionately refer to as "the p-pharm." Wohoo!

Democratacisy? Sounds great!

2007-11-07T19:58:00.001-06:00

As Americans we treasure -- above all else (with the possible exception of the right to procreate at will and let the government pay for the consequences) the right to vote in public elections. It validates us. It tells us that our opinions matter. It means that we have a voice. And here today, in what *may* eclipse even my BCS post as the most hated in the history of Flogging, But With a "B", I'll tell you why it's a terrible idea.

Let's start with a story. I lived for several years in Minnesota where you can actually register at the polls. When I went to register/vote, I provided the requisite information and verification, and was then instructed to print and sign my name along with my date of birth. With all the care and caution of your least favorite multinational environment-raping oil conglomerate, then, I proceeded to indicate that I had been born, apparently, earlier that day. The poll worker was very nice and helped me correct the obvious oversight, and I proceeded to cast a vote in determining the course of our country, state, and county. But should I have been allowed to, really? My attention and care was so infinitesimal that I put "today's" date where my date of birth was supposed to go, and yet I was somehow qualified to have a say in things? Is that REALLY sound policy?

Here's the deal, though -- I'm a reasonably sharp dude. Even at the time the story took place (7 or 8 years ago) I held a B. S. (that still cracks me up) and had better critical thinking skills than a lot of people. My only conclusion, though, is that there was absolutely NO WAY I should have been allowed to vote! Which led me down a dark and depressing thought highway which dumped me off at the point where I've determined that democracy (representative or otherwise) is officially a bad idea.

Look, if you're anything like me, you're pretty happy that political ads, phone calls, etc. are done for a bit. They're obnoxious, misleading, and intentionally slanted with half-truths and twisted logic. If somebody voted against a bill that would use taxpayer money ([Jack Nicholson voice ON] "Is there another kind?" [Jack Nicholson voice OFF]) to put plasma tv's in every 2nd grader's coat hanger, he's against education and hates children. If he had a plan that would eliminate income tax completely but bump sales tax by half a cent, he's trying to give the rich more tax breaks and take bread from babies. And do you know what bothers me the most about these? That they work!!! Let's face it -- there wouldn't be 8,000,000 ads during every hour of tv if they didn't have effect, and that means that the insipid things are actually effecting people's votes, and the outcome of our elections. What kind of a system is this?

Do you know what, though? Even if we didn't base our votes on manipulated half-truths and emotional appeals, we STILL wouldn't be really qualified to vote. Raise your hand if you REALLY know what's going on in Iraq, or the probable consequences of any course of action? How about economics? Who here REALLY understands the various factors and arguments regarding costs of health care and what socialization would mean? Do any among us understand the implications of big political topics? What about the fact that, even among experts, there's heated disagreement? How does THAT turn into people who DON'T know stuff having a say?

Here's where it gets really bad, though. Yesterday I had somebody with a 10th grade education tell me that they'd just come from the polls. On one particular issue they admitted -- laughing -- that they really didn't understand the question, and so just voted "no". Now, I ask you -- who determined that this was a GOOD way to run a country?

That said, the only better system I've come up with is to just kill the whole deal and put me in charge. Now, who's going to vote for that one?

Belligerant Complaint System

2007-11-03T13:27:00.000-06:00

All right -- who wants a college football playoff system, raise your hand. Ok, good. Me too. Glad to get that out of the way. But you know what I want almost more than that? For people to stop complaining about the BCS.

"The BCS kept the unanimous #1 team in the nation out of the championship game in 2003!"

"The BCS is too complicated!"

"The BCS ran over my dog with it's mini-van!"

Wah, wah, wah. I'm legitimately sorry if something happened to your dog, but it's well past time for the rest of you to give some rest to the rest of us.

2003 almost always seems to be exhibit A, so let's look at that. The outcry was thunderous when Oklahoma and LSU played for the championship despite USC (the one in California) being ranked #1 in both the AP and coaches poll. "It's UNANIMOUS!" people cried. Well, half of that sentence is true -- people cried! And it's true that USC was #1 in each poll, but neither was "unanimous". All three teams -- each with one loss -- received first place votes, which is the very definition of NOT unanimous. You know what WAS unanimous, though? That EVERY computer poll used had Oklahoma ranked #1. So how obnoxious is it that everybody was all mad and said that they had to change the computers? It's like this -- people realized that the human polls are subject to any number of biases, weaknesses, and subjectivities, and so intentionally and knowingly they implemented and factored in a computer ranking which -- although subject to it's own set of weaknesses -- would provide clear objective input to balance out the subjectivity of human voters. But when people didn't like what they had to say, you would have thought that Skynet had become self-aware.

Also, do people realize that before the BCS, all three teams would have played in different games and probably nothing would have been resolved? I'm not saying that a playoff wouldn't be better -- it would. But isn't this a whole lot better than it was before? So you're not eating at Morton's. I'm sorry. But yesterday you were asking for "More gruel, please!" and today you're grilling burgers and pork chops. Stop complaining.

Side note -- here's why USC didn't "deserve" to play for the championship, in my opinion. 1) They lost a game. In college football, when you lose, you forfeit any RIGHT to play for the championship. You may still be granted a chance, but you've left it up to chance, and now you just have to hope for the best. Sorry. Now of course this applies to OU and LSU also, but the next criteria does not; 2) What happened in their conference championship game? Oh yeah, they didn't play one. LSU had one loss in their regular season and then won their POST-season SEC Championship game, which gave them one more win -- and a BIG win -- then USC had. Oklahoma had ZERO losses in their regular season (playing the most difficult schedule of the three teams in question!), and then lost their POST-season Big 12 Championship game. People's reaction -- as incredible as it seems -- was that OU should be penalized for losing their extra game for which USC had NO CORRELATE AT ALL when they'd won ALL their regular season games. OU went 12-0 in their regular season. USC went 11-1. Then OU dropped their EXTRA game, which USC didn't play. Now somebody explain to me how that makes USC more deserving.

Side note two -- to USC people who have "claimed" the championship -- where's your trophy? Huh? Baton Rouge? Why does the inscription say "Louisiana State University"? Boy, if I was the athletic director at USC, I'd have this situation addressed immediately!

For what it's worth, this year the computers hate OU. You know what? That's tough. We lost to Colorado, and so now we have to hope for the best.

Now how about this "it's all too complicated" garbage. Seriously, the people on tv have been saying this for years. The one's who, it's their JOB to know about it? When OU starting entering into the picture, I looked the formula up on-line, read for about 5 minutes, and said "Oh, ok. I get it." My IQ is not in the genius range. Think about stuff, it's not that hard. Goodness.

There are other complaints, but they're all crap too. Some people talk about how a playoff would do away with all controversy. Really? Is that why everybody's so happy and controversy-free after the field for the 65-team basketball tournament is revealed? Or how about "settle it on the field!" Yep, that's what the whole process is based on, is what happens on the field. And now, since the BCS came along, we've had a real championship game on the field, too. See how much better that is!

Again, I'm not saying a playoff wouldn't be better. It would. I'm for that! But you know what else I'm for? Less whining and victimization. Play football. Win your games. Have a good time. Go back home. See? Now everybody wins. (Not you, Baylor.)

Set Those Armageddon Clocks BACK, Everybody!

2007-10-28T16:48:00.000-06:00

I work in a dvd by-mail rental distribution center (read: warehouse). A lot of . . . um . . . "questionable" films pass through my hands each day, and I remember how shocked I used to be at some of the viewing decisions that some of you are making. On Friday, though, I came across something that really made me feel BETTER about the state of our movie-watching culture. It was an animated title that I wasn't familiar with, but it had a disclaimer printed right on the disc itself that read as follows (emphasis mine):

"WARNING: Contains nudity and adult situations. May not be suitable for viewers under 18 years of age. Parental discretion advised. All characters depicted in sexual conduct or in the nude are aged 19 years or older. No actual or identifiable minor was used in the creation of any character depicted herein."

"That's nice" I thought to myself, "because if we were watching underage cartoon people doing . . . um . . . 'stuff', well then THAT might be just weird. But since I now know that all the drawings are of characters of 'legal age' there's clearly no need for concern!"

Right . . . .

You Might Not Be What You Wear

2007-10-23T08:56:00.000-06:00

At a certain point, the old cliche "you are what you eat" is pretty self-evident and irrefutable. Similarly, the truism "you are what you are" has to be considered positively water-proof. But how about people who wear clothing or some other type of message-conveying device that proudly boasts some manner of extraordinary attribute? Let's consider a couple of popular slogans and see if together we can determine if, indeed, people are what they eat, what they are, and also what they wear.

Hottie

Surely you've seen girls running all about wearing shirts with a single-word message that is as simple as it is misguided -- "Hottie". If ever there was a garment that cried out for some analysis, this is the one. In fact, upon seeing said shirt, isn't it all but impossible not to go ahead and make some sort of a judgment regarding the factuality or lack thereof in the message? I'm not saying that I go around checking girls out -- I'm really very happily married (yes, to a hottie!) -- but much like the "World's Best Coffee" sign in Elf, it just begs for verification. Of course, the verdict will be one of two, each with their own set of implications:

Yes! We do, in fact, have a hottie! The bad news, I'm afraid, is that hotties should NOT ever be seen sporting a "hottie" logo. What good can possibly come of it? Girls will just hate them for their arrogance and shamelessness. Guys, as a rule, don't need to be tipped off to the attractiveness of the fairer sex, and generally like for the girl to pretend to be surprised when we graciously inform her that she is, indeed, a hottie. The shirt, of course, short-circuit's the entire process and sends any (sensible) man running for the hills. After all, any genuine hottie who's wearing a "hottie" shirt is going to be positively insufferable to be around and completely unbearable to date. We like to make our female-friend feel like the world revolves around her, but do NOT like for them to act like they deserve or expect it.

OR:

Nope, NOT a hottie! Do people with bad teeth wear clothing that says "Hey -- check out my chicklets!"? Do people with 4th grade educations have pins that say "Ask me about the pythagorean theorem!"? Is White Castle's slogan "You'll regret this in about an hour and a half!"? Of course not. Why is it, then, that about 80% of the people wearing "hottie" shirts are categorically unattractive? Doesn't that scream to the watching, laughing world "Look at me! I'm both unattractive AND delusional!"

Porn Star

Hey, the ladies take the brunt of the "hottie" silliness, but the fellas aren't immune from making bad wardrobe decisions either, as particularly evidenced by the lingering popularity of the "porn star" shirts (sorry, I'm not even going to try to google images that one . . .).

The message could be true, of course. If indeed your profession is what the shirt says it is, what's going to be gained by wearing it on your sleeve (or torso)? A certain type of female may be attracted to that, I suppose. But would you really need that? Isn't it a little like being a professional ice cream taster and then stopping off for a Blizzard on the way home from work? Call me level-headed, but I'm just not seeing it.

Of course, there's pretty much zero chance that anybody wearing this shirt is anything more than a fan of the industry, right? So if my math is right, the shirt then REALLY says something closer to, "Hey -- anybody wanna-be with a wanna-be? Not just ANY wanna-be, though, I'm ALSO completely depraved and shameless and would like to treat you as though you're an ultra-low rent prostitute and then send you on your way empty and dying inside. Come on, now, step right up! . . . . . . . . . . . . Hey Trevor, why is there still no line?"

Bad@$$ Boyz/Girlz Drive Bad@$$ Toyz

Now this is usually a sticker on a vehicle more than a t-shirt slogan, but of course the same principles apply.

Now first of all, do you know any TRULY "bad" people? I do. Guess what? They ain't sportin' this sticker. If you're REALLY "bad", you know it and could care less whether anybody else does or not, right? Think of Mel Gibson in Payback. That was about as bad of a character as you find, right? Could you imagine that character having a rhyming sticker that replaced the letter "s" with "z" in brash public demonstration of his "bad-ness"? Hardly.

Even worse is the female version. Seriously, you know that it doesn't even rhyme, right? Or is that the point? You don't care about spelling OR rhyme, because you're just that eager to have a lame female rip-off of an already lame male slogan? Doesn't that communicate "Oh, me too, me too! I want to be in the bad club too! Please???" more than anything? It's either that or "Whatever stupid thing insecure dudes can put on their Ford Rangers, us ladies can make a second-rate copy and put it on our Geo Trackers!" Come on ladies -- I KNOW you can do better. Come up with something original and clever and you can be a real credit to your gender.

The lesson is simple -- wearing a shirt doesn't change your level of attractiveness, profession, or mental disposition. I can go to Hot Topic, but that won't make me a brooding 14 year-old. I can also go to Victoria's Secret, but that won't give me a classic hourglass figure. And when I go to pastoral meetings, I don't suddenly become bitter, burned out, and humor-less. Whatever you are? Seriously, it's ok (unless you're shirt number 2, but I'm guessing "that guy" is too strung out to be reading this)! Try to be something else and you just look dumb. You are what you are -- just be that and you'll be fine.

Why Are Chocolate Chips "Semi-Sweet"?

2007-10-16T12:41:00.001-06:00

I don't know, but this entry might be semi-serious. What can I say? Perhaps I should semi-apologize. Perhaps not! Whatever.

But here's something that I think may be semi-profound that I've learned/had come together for me in the relatively recent past -- we're whole people. I know that doesn't sound profound, but let me explain what I mean.

A couple of years ago, I read a book called "The Emotionally Healthy Church." The premise of the book was that people (who are, of course, the church) can never grow spiritually until they become healthy(er) emotionally. At the time, I thought it was flat-0ut backwards and completely wrong. I thought that people had to grow spiritually and then they would be able to grow healthy(er) emotionally. My mini-epiphany is this -- I think we were both wrong. It seems clear to me now that the whole enterprise of separating the spiritual and emotional is artificial and bogus -- they work together. I don't know exactly how this works, of course, but I'm thinking that it must be true. How can someone accept the love of Jesus (not like "just" to "become a Christian", but to REALLY "accept") when they don't feel/believe they are lovable? And trying to decide which comes first is like the chicken or the egg deal -- they need to move forward together.

Let's even throw one more kink in the garden hose, shall we? Sexuality is worked in there, too. It's tougher to understand and buy into for us fellas who tend to naturally compartmentalize things, but the ladies should have no problem here. With allowances made for the exceptions and apologies for the over-generalizations -- "we" want to get our rocks off, watch Sportscenter, pound some Cheetos, and go to bed. The ladies want to make love and then do the "c" word (I can't say it and don't even want to type it out -- the word just bothers me, I'm not sure why). It's not necessarily that our wives don't like sports or are trying to cut back on their MSG intake, it's that "their" emotions and spirit (read: "soul") are either more integrated into their sexuality or they're just more naturally aware of it. . . or something. I don't know exactly, or why the difference, but I think it must be a difference of degree rather essence, or quantitative rather than qualitative, if you will, as evidenced by exceptions to the rule and the fact that we're all, at our essence, human beings. Sex affects our soul -- that's probably why the Bible talks so much about it and treats it differently from other physical activities like swimming or eating or sleeping, huh?

At any rate, my point is this -- emotional, spiritual, sexual -- they all work together. They're all parts of the same deal, and how we deal with one affects the others, too. I can't back it up scientifically or even scripturally to a terribly weighty degree, but I think it's true, and I think understanding this truth can be helpful and open the doors to a great deal of healing and freedom. Further, "the church" needs to do a better job at addressing emotional needs and other things that aren't overtly spiritual, and the spiritual will be helped along greatly. And no wonder why so many churches that DO address issues that aren't overtly spiritual are flocked to by people who have heard the "Christian" message 1,000 times over but just never had it mean anything to them. Let's make sure that we don't drown in pop psychology to the detriment of Jesus -- but "Jesus loves you" doesn't mean much to a person with a shattered conception of what love really is.

Now . . . how do I integrate things like that into a blog that's about sports, metal, comedy, and Buzz Goertzen? Oh, who cares, where are the Cheetos?

u r my bff lol

2007-10-11T19:22:00.000-06:00

If you know me at all, you already know full well what I'm about to admit to you all -- I'm a dork. There. I'd say that was liberating, but . . . whatever. It's really not news. And just because I have little better to do, here's a rant on one thing that really gets under my skin: intentional mis-spelling.

Now -- let me begin by saying that I have a lot of grace for people who just don't know better. Not everybody had good educations, English really is quite a confounding language, and some people are just concerned with more important things. But when it's overt and intentional? I just don't get it, but DANG does it get me.

Just so you know that I'm not trying to be personal here, let's start out with one that I really, truly love. Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Mmmmmm. Like many of you, I'm a big fan. There is absolutely no denying the delicious tastiness, and with it I can find no fault. But the spelling? What's with the gratuitous K's, y'all? It's not even like they HAD to do it for alliteration's sake -- "Crispy Cream" still works! And while I'm at it -- there IS no "Kreme" (at least in any doughnut that's worth getting there) and if there was, I don't think I'd like it to be "Krispy", thank you very much. Maybe that's the whole deal, though. Maybe the mis-spelling is to deflect any potential lawsuits for improper labeling or whatever, much like the way salad topping and dog snack companies use "bac'n" for lack of genuine bacon, or merely "moderate" metal bands use Megadeth for lack of genuine death. What we're left with, then, is an apparent intentional mis-spelling (and a double at that!) for which the best explanation that I can imagine is to cover up and mis-lead regarding the actual content of a -- luckily -- extremely tasty confection.

How about band names? Look, I know it's hard. Pretty much every band name is taken. I've been there and I've suffered with you. Creativity, however, is still a better answer than mis-spelling. And IF you're going to go the mis-spelling route, can you at LEAST mis-spell a cool word? I understand, to a certain extent, Trapt. I'm sure that Trapped was taken long ago, and the word at least connotes some degree of fear or intimidation, especially if you're prized for your coat. But seriously now -- Korn? Really? You're going to take a kernel-bearing plant, replace the c with a k and turn the r backwards, and then try to be tough? As if to shout from the rooftops: "Hey -- we're SO from the streets that we don't care about your commonly accepted rules of spelling and grammar! Ha ha -- take THAT, 2nd grade spelling teacher!" Admittedly I can't argue with the results -- I'm no fan but clearly they've done well for themselves -- but I HAVE to believe that it's more in spite of than because of the name. (Side note -- if, rather than the leafy kernel-bearing plant, they're distorting the word for a growth of tissue typically on the toe, than that IS pretty tough and I take back every joke I've ever made. And am now legitimately intimidated, just a little bit.)

Finally, let's look at one more example that actually comes from -- gasp -- one of our institutions of higher learning. "Wait!" you may be exclaiming. "Surely there can be no intentional mis-spelling at the very bastions of learning and grammatical correctness . . . right? Wrong. Take a look here. The University of Missouri, perhaps daunted by the throngs who insist on pronouncing an "a" where the "i" goes at the end of their state name (mis- pronunciation, of course, is another blog for another day), opt to print "Mizzou" as often as "Missouri." Now I don't necessarily mind if something's abbreviated or shortened for practical reasons. Hey -- I'm a practical guy, right? But call me nit-picky if it be the case, but surely I'm not the one who's noticed that "Z" is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LETTER from "S"! Hello -- it's backwards and pointy instead of curvy! The sound is similar and it can be confusing if you're trying to read in a mirror, but as a state university is getting the right letter really too much to ask?

Anyway, all these examples aside, do you know what bothers me the most about all of this? That it bothers me. Really, who cares? What's it to me? Isn't it all just about my own obsession with always being right anyway? And it probably is. So people are creative in their grammatical constrctions. So what. When I see it in others and it triggers something in me, it's only my own ugly side coming out that makes me angry. And that, my friends and internet-stalkers, is worse than being a dork.

A Plea for . . . Rhinoplasty?

2007-10-07T20:20:00.001-06:00

So I go to a hardcore/metal show (side note -- which is it, hardcore or metal? The answer depends on who you ask. Metal kids would call them hardcore. Hardcore kids would call them metal. I, of course, am not a kid.) in E-town on Friday night. GREAT bill -- a new favorite (A Pea for Purging), an old favorite (War of Ages), plus others. I'm there with my buddy Kyle and his 8-year old Jacob (how hardcore is that!), and we're ready to get crazy. Sure, as the token old dudes at the show "get crazy" pretty much means stand in the back and maybe head-bob, but still, we're ready.

Now -- as the old dudes, we look out of place. And it's not JUST that we have ten years on everybody there, it's that we're kind of like normal guys. Our forearms are tattoo-free, our ears don't have holes that you can see through, and our hair's the same length all the way around. I said we get crazy, right? But just because we may LOOK like rookies doesn't mean it's the case. I've been going to shows since '92, and obviously a lot of things have changed . . . but I've seen most of it happen. I have some idea how things roll. I understand pits and dancing and all that. I've even done my share, albeit not since the first Bush was in office.

All that to say we weren't taken off guard when the dancing began. Now as you might guess, this isn't "dancing" like on those tv contest shows, right? It's more like this (fair warning -- a couple of f-bombs in the song here). Anyway, the dancing started, and we all backed up . . . and up . . . and up . . . and . . . . There were like 60 people in the building -- which was a gym -- and there were about 8 people actually dancing. Which is fine, except those 8 people were given a space big enough for about 40. If we were at Keswicks, I would have had my back to the wall. If we were at the Bulldog, I would have been at the merch table. Seriously, I was about 40 feet from the band, and we were exactly 1 deep all around the perimeter. I actually thought to myself, "Why are we still backing up? How much room do they need?" I've literally been at shows with several hundred people where the dance areas were smaller. It's ironic, I suppose, that that was my last thought. BAM! Watch that video again if you want to, and check out the backward windmill action shots at 0:28 and 0:46. I took a fist flush to the nose. HARD. Hey -- it's a hardcore/metal show, and we've all taken our shots from either overly aggressive or just stupid dancers, but this bad boy was different. I felt something wet drip on my hand. I touched my hand to my face and saw crimson. Holding it to stop the bleeding I staggered to the restroom and let go of my nose . . . WHOOOOSH. Faucet, baby. I've never seen even close to that much blood come out of my body, to the point where I was a little woozy and could only half-way think straight.

For the next half-hour, let me say "thanks" to the dude who had been an army medic who helped know what was going on (seriously, I couldn't hardly think), the drummer from War of Ages for helping clean up the sink (that was cool man, but really -- it's somebody else's blood and it's nasty and you don't have to do that!), the guy who ran out to get me a bag of ice (it helped a LOT on the drive back -- really, that was huge bro), Kyle for wiping my blood up off the floor, Jacob for being cool about a ruined evening, Greg for caring enough to check in the next day, everybody who cared to ask me if I was ok (well let's see . . . I'm not dying, I have health insurance, I'm convinced that the God of all creation loves me personally, I have a ridiculously amazing wife, a church that I absolutely love, and probably the over-all best life of anybody in the building, so on a certain level I'm doing really quite well, thank you . . . but on another level, I just got blasted in the face, I've lost a sink full of blood, an ex-army medic's telling me that my nose is broken for sure, I'm going to miss the show, and all the "attention" is making me feel like a 2nd grader who fell down and skinned his knee on the playground, so on another level no, I'm not as good . . . now how am I supposed to answer the question?), and everybody who did NOT ask since I really had no good answer and honestly just wanted to be left alone.

Now the story would be a lot better if it was actually broken. Turns out it probably isn't (x-rays haven't been read by a real radiologist yet since it was the weekend). So that means that I'm just a wuss who bled like Niagara Fallls and had to leave the show (and, to follow Dr.'s orders the next day, had to sit and continue to ice it and miss a friend's wedding!) without any really legitimate injury. How lame is THAT!

As the silver lining and completely unforeseeable twist, though, check this out. Later that night I'm sitting on the couch with Laura watching tv and icing my wound. We're watching the news because I'm curious to see whether UofL was going to be able to come back and take care of Utah, and they do one of these "human interest" features on a woman who's been hiccuping for something like 20 years. Nothing will make it stop, but there is one thing and one thing only that, in legitimate fact, grants her temporary reprieve. I can't make this stuff up, y'all. Laura saw it too, and you KNOW she doesn't lie. The hiccups stop if the woman engages in . . . yodeling. Buzz, your powers clearly extend far beyond what I would have thought possible. I don't know how, but I know you have done this. There simply exists no other explanation. I used you for my own purposes, and now not only has your music taken up permanent residence in my mind, but you're drawing me further and further in to the ugly under-belly of the yodeling subculture, and now there's no escape, no surrender. Everywhere I go, when I least expect it, yodeling finds me. Like a heat-seeking missile or an IRS auditor, it just knows. It just knows.

Now quickly, since I know this was long, a word on the color change. The Phillies got swept out of the playoffs, and I didn't necessarily change out of disappointment with their play (poor though it was). They gave me a GREAT season and, sadly enough, the best post-season in 14 years. But on that same day, OU beat the team from the state to the south and vaulted back into the national championship picture. Sadly they have only two colors to play with, but Crimson and Cream it will be. Nice work fellas, VERY nice work.

By the way -- with only two colors, you'll have to move the cursor over the text to find the links. I hope you do though!

And here's my face, post-bashing/mid-swelling/under-eye-bruising:

I Just Can't Hold My Post-Season

2007-10-01T18:34:00.001-06:00

First off -- apologies. This is NOT a "sports blog" per se. But for the next . . . indefinite period, if you're not a sports fan (I'm not sure which is more amazing -- that I have readers at all, or that I have readers who aren't sports fans, or that there are even people who bothered to learn to read at all with, apparently, no intention whatsoever to read about sports), you're going to have to hang with me (or not, really, it's your choice). NOW . . .

You remember Christopher Lloyd at the bar in Back to the Future 3? He's standing there holding a drink, wide eyed and rambling about the future. An on-looker asks the bartender how many he's had, and the keep replies with something like "None -- he's just been holding that one for hours!" Finally Lloyd tosses it back, and immediately passes out and falls flat. "Now there's a man who just can't hold his liquor," somebody quips. Well here's the deal -- for about the last 30 hours, I have been Christopher Lloyd. I'm stone blasted drunk on post-season baseball . . . and it hasn't even started yet.

Don't get me wrong -- I've had a great life since the last time the Phillis went to the playoffs. Let's see -- I graduated from high school, "left" home, had my first girlfriend, went to college in Minnesota, discovered the internet, bought my first car, got cold, transferred to college in California, played in a bad rock band, went to the Philippines for half of a summer, the band got better and changed names twice, came "back home" for a summer, graduated from college, moved to Minnesota, got cold again, got engaged, got married, got a dog, took a full-time job in the table pad industry, watched Oklahoma win a National Championship, jumped out of an airplane, bought another car, saw the Lions make the playoffs (!), was still cold, moved to Kentucky, went to seminary, ran a marathon, played in a death metal band, took a couple trips back to California, "inherited" my wife's car as a hand-me-down, began calling my Dad "Doctor", turned 30, graduated from seminary, bought my first house, recovered from seminary, started investing for retirement, helped plant a church, celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary, began blogging, and just spent a week in Colorado, to hit a few of the high points.

In the last year in which the Phillies were in the playoffs, Bill Clinton took over from George Bush I, the Bills lost their 3rd straight Super Bowl, Jurassic Park was released (the first one!), John Wayne and Lorena Bobbit were . . . in the news, Clinton taught us the phrase "Don't ask, don't tell", Varg Vikernes was arrested for murder (that's an interesting one -- google it if you dare, aren't easily disturbed, and won't blame me for any potential psychological fallout), Late Night ended and The Late Show was birthed, we learned who Conan O'Brien was and that he wasn't funny (oops, I guess we haven't all learned that second part yet), Michael Jordan retired from basketball . . . for the FIRST time, Unforgiven won Best Picture, Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven won Song of the Year, and a stamp cost .29.

So we're back where we started; I'm positively drunk on post-season baseball -- just the aroma of it. Just holding it in my hand, anticipating. I was so drunk last night that I couldn't hardly sleep and went in to work on 4 measly hours. You know what? I was still drunk when I woke up, and I went in in said condition. I was at work for about 10 hours, but I was so drunk that it seemed like the twinkling of an eye. And, if you haven't guessed, I'm still drunk hours later.

At heart, the issue is tolerance. Over the years, my baseball kidney simply has built up exactly ZERO tolerance for post-season play. This is just like it's all new, you see, like my very first time. It's a shock to the system, and the way it all went down was definitely 90-proof. If they go to the Series, I may end up in the hospital! What can I tell you? I just can't hold my post-season.

I AM Enjoying the Excitement, Thank You!

2007-09-28T22:07:00.000-06:00

. . . in answer to the eternal question that haunts us all (when I'm feeling awkward and have nothing pseudo-clever to say, anyway).

Friday's post was a spur of the moment quickie, so here's a little more detail. There are 162 games in the Major League Baseball regular season. The Phillies -- my dearly beloved Phillies -- trailed for the first 158, tied for the division lead at 159, and now -- just 2 hours ago -- after game 160, they lead by one full game. Seriously, unless you're a real baseball fan, you have no idea how epic this will be if they hold on. Click here to read an article from a New York newspaper who declared the Mets winners and the Phillies losers on August 26 (a full two weeks before I changed from Phillies to Lions colors, for those of you who may consider me to have been of little faith). The Mets led by a massive seven games with only 17 remaining -- EVERY team in history to have that large of a lead with so few remaining games has won out. The Mets collapse (I'd really like for you to click that one) -- which is very, very nearly complete, will literally be historic. And they've been playing baseball for a very, very long time. Am I giddy? Yes, yes I am. Seriously, we have a magic number!

How does it get better? The Mets play early tomorrow, and they'll probably lose (that's all they've been doing lately). Then the Phils play on broadcast tv, and I stand a VERY good chance of seeing them celebrate their first playoff birth in fourteen LONG years at roughly 6:30 EST on Saturday the 29th. Wow.

For what it's worth, I'm not convinced that they have the pitching to have a great shot to win the Series, but at least they'd have a shot, and just to be playing in October would be, as I said, fourteen LONG years in the making. Again, wow.

Ok, but it gets better. The Sooners also start Big XII play at Boulder. West Virginia lost to a directional school Friday night, so an OU win should move them at least up to #3 in the national polls and set up fantastically phenomenal Red River Shootout for the 6th. Get ready, Jeremy. I mean get REALLY ready. The Crimson and Cream look GOOD for '07 (and '08, and '09, and . . .). and we're no Arkansas State or Central Florida.

Then, after missing my first service ever last week, I get to go be a part of Life Pointe. I LOVE Life Pointe.

And now here's this -- on Sunday, the Lions get a chance to go to 3-1 with a home game against the Bears. Now their defense did give up 42 first-half points last week and I'm not sold on them yet -- to be honest I think they probably drop this one -- but who knows? Maybe they'll surprise me just like the Phillies. And even if not, they've already won nearly as many games as last year (note -- setting the bar low can be helpful).

So am I enjoying the excitement? Like you wouldn't believe.

Sometimes I LOVE Being Wrong!

2007-09-27T20:56:00.001-06:00

So on September 7, I changed the colors here from a Phillies scheme to a Lions motif. Now it's back. Here's the skinny:

1) It has nothing to do with any disappointment in the Lions. Sure, they gave up 42 first-half points to a mediocre Eagles offense last week, but they're 2-1 and at least beating the bad teams so far. That's great improvement, you see, because we used to be the bad team that the mediocre teams beat. Maybe they've moved up! I'm optimistic, really.

2) The Phillies surge and coinciding Mets collapse was virtually unforeseeable! The Phillies are a ridiculous 11-3 over their last 14 games, and the Mets an even more ridiculous 4-10. That all adds up to: 3 games remaining, and they're now TIED!!! This article actually calls New York's now probable demise "historic":

NEW YORK -- The New York Mets' lead is gone, leaving them on the brink of a historic collapse.

The free-falling Mets managed just three hits off Joel Pineiro and Jason Isringhausen in a 3-0 loss to the St. Louis Cardinals on Thursday night, dropping New York into a first-place tie with Philadelphia in the NL East.

Not even Pedro Martinez could save New York, which had led the division alone every day since May 16. The Mets (87-72) were ahead by seven games on Sept. 12 with 17 remaining but have lost 10 of their last 14, a monumental tailspin for a team that counted on being in the playoffs.

No major league team has failed to finish first after having at least a seven-game advantage with 17 remaining. But with three games remaining in the regular season -- a weekend series at home against Florida -- the Mets might fail to win the division or the wild card.

Anyway, the Phillies color scheme will now positively remain until their season is positively over, and maybe longer if the unthinkable happens. But for now, I'm absolutely THRILLED to have been so wrong to give up on them.

Fate. I Blame Fate.

2007-09-26T17:53:00.000-06:00

Life changes in many different ways. Some are dramatic, some are subtle. Some are intentional, others are purely accidental. Sometimes the results are immediate, and sometimes the larger picture becomes clear only in hindsight.

I'm not exactly sure when yodeling become legitimately important in my life, but it's now positively undeniable that it is. Yep. Yodeling.

I just spent a week in Colorado, you see, and I had many experiences. I got to spend a lot of great time with my awesome wife, and it was great. I got to connect with my old buddy Shannon, and it was great. I got to hike to Mills Lake in the Rocky Mountains, and it was ridiculously fabulous. I got to hang out for a few days at a ministry conference, and it was generally pretty lame, but I got to meet and hang out with a whole boatload of great guys, and it was great. But all of these things were, more or less, expected.

What took me completely by surprise was the entertainment one night at the conference -- the Colorado Wranglers. Now let me be honest -- I didn't thing they sounded like something that I'd be digging on. At all. And, once again, I was (mostly) dead-on. Hey -- they were good, professional, fun, cheery, etc., but just really, REALLY not my style. Until they began chatting away about some of the unwritten rules and regulations regarding being a cowboy western band. They were as follow: 1) Sing in harmony (check), 2) Have a fiddle player (I thought it was a violin, but they're the experts, and they say "check"), and 3) Have a yodeler (WHAT?!). This was shocking for a couple reasons -- 1) I thought I was the only person ever to come across gospel yodeling, and 2) it was sounding like they were going to be able to meet the criteria . . . and I was not disappointed. They did a yodeling song.

Now before we get too far out of hand, let's get a couple things straight. 1) This was NO Buzz Goertzen. As far as yodeling goes, it was pretty entry level. Now I don't think the Wranglers would mind me saying so -- I think they'd agree themselves. By no means are they a yodeling act, so much as an act that contains a yodeling piece. There's a world of difference there, kids, and we need to be sure precisely where we're standing on this stuff. 2) I didn't "like" it. As in, I wouldn't hear it and think "yep, that's some darn enjoyable yodeling right there, now!" Because it just wasn't. I don't "like" yodeling in the first place, and it was mediocre yodeling even at that. I can't stress the point too much.

Through all of this, though, I can't deny . . . it was AWESOME! Have you ever been at a sporting event and had terrible seats, but something amazing happened? You might not have really even SEEN it, per se, but nonetheless, afterwards you and your buddy are screaming and will forever tell the story about the greatest thing you ever "saw". Or how about your first date? Looking back -- and maybe even at the time -- it was more awkward than anything, and probably the "relationship" went nowhere . . . but DANG! You were with a girl! And she even wanted to be there for part of it! AWESOME!!! And so we remember this moment fondly, right? Well this was it. This was my first live yodeling experience. We'd been making eyes at one another for some time, but in the moment I was caught completely unaware, and the suddenness only added to the amazement. It really happened. I was there. I saw a dude yodel, for real. I would say it was the kind of thing that only happens in the movies, but who's ever seen a movie with yodeling?

Now I'm in too far, and I don't think there can be any retreat. I'm one of them now, you see -- I've seen too much, and if I go to the powers that be I'll be incriminating myself too. The door has been closed behind me, and the only way to go is further in. I'm a part of the yodeling culture now, and I'm only even, like, 85% unhappy about it. That little but growing piece of me is becoming more and more enamored, engaged, enthusiastic.

Now if only ol' Buzz will accept my myspace friend request . . . .

Can You Root for BYU AND Utah?

2007-09-16T18:54:00.000-06:00

So I got a call from a buddy Saturday night, and he's having a pretty tough time in his marriage right now. He's a Notre Dame fan, you see. Of course they've had a lot of good years together, but right now times are trying like he just never thought possible. She stays out all night, treats him like garbage, and has become hideously ugly. No two ways, it's not a good situation right now. They're married, though, and so it was still a little bit tough to hear when he asked me "Am I a terrible person if I consider changing teams?"

Of course, I had several thoughts. First of all, I was glad that he called me. There are only too many people out there who would have given him the easy pass and said something stupid like, "You have to do what's right for you!", "There's no sense in being trapped in a love-less relationship!" or "If you're not getting what you need out of the relationship, then I don't see any reason to continue it." This is America, after all, and we've grown all too accustomed to taking the easy way in lieu of the right way. Second, I told him "no." It didn't make him a terrible person for considering switching teams . . . but it would most definitely qualify him if he actually did it.

Look -- "real" relationships are complex and messy and factor in a lot of different things. I don't believe in divorce, but I'm not trying to push anybody's buttons regarding their past or whatever. If you've been through a real divorce then I'm guessing that you have plenty of pain and regret and brokenness, and I'm not trying to pile on. Really, this paragraph is completely serious and joke-free. Part of me hesitates to even use the metaphor because of the tragic nature of all that is entailed in the genuine article.

But sports wives? Here I'm not afraid to throw the book at you. There can be no one-night stand, no girl on the side, and no sleazy liaisons at out of the way motels. You're married my friend, and whether or not you knew what you were doing at the time, you have to deal with the situation you're in.

Look, I married early and have had some rough years. I won't go into extravagant detail here, but you can read all about my pain here (oddly enough it's one of my favorites). For now, let's just say that I have one massive Lion painted on my wall for every playoff win that my favorite franchise has recorded since the advent of the Super Bowl. But you know what? She still has my heart, and no number of first-round wide receiver draft picks can change that. Even if my love was to fail, I'm dead to the wiles of the seductress, promising though she may be. It's sports marriage, and there is no going back.

There have been plenty of times when I've made my team sleep on the couch. Ultimately, it's always cold and lonely. There have been even more times when she's looked incredibly hot and I've gotten all excited, only to have her get drunk and pass out in the punch bowl. Once she even had some cosmetic surgery only to have her body ultimately reject the foreign substance and end up in even worse shape.

But you know what? I'm married. That means I'm in for the long haul and doing what I have to do. If that means my buddies make fun of me, I'll take it. If it means having to sneak away for burgers and brats because "we're making an effort to eat better together," then I'll call you when she's left for work. If it means installing a fun-house mirror on the bedroom ceiling, I'll live my illusion and like it. But it does NOT mean that I'm taking a trip to the courthouse, the bar, or the house of ill-repute.

Look, I'm not saying that you can't ever root for another team. In the Super Bowl two years ago, I rooted for the Seahawks because my buddy Craig's a big fan, and I would have been happy for him. When Louisville lost to Kentucky this weekend, I felt genuinely bad for a few friends who are "good" (intelligent, emotionally vested, and non-obnoxious) U of L fans. Hey -- I have some friends with cool wives, and I think that's great. And I wish cool wives for my single buddies, too. I'm for that! But under no circumstance can my buddy's wife come before mine. I can't get too emotionally involved, I can't take a stronger interest in his than in mine, and under no circumstance can I wear an article of her clothing. It just crosses the line.

Maybe if I lived in Utah I'd be able to pick up more teams. I saw a thing on tv about that once, and there were issues but it seemed to work on a certain level. Even then, though, it seems like an awfully big commitment. Sports wives can be high-maintenance if you want to give them the kind of attention they deserve, and the complications would seem endless.

In the end, I can't blame anybody for considering a sports divorce in an emotional moment. Hey -- that's really a tribute to how much you care in a certain sense, right? But at the end of the day, you know to whom your heart belongs.

There once was a dude (actually, maybe twice, but this one in particular for our purposes today) who was a lot wiser than I am, and had a lot more wives. Like a LOT more wives. It's his wisdom and knowledge and experience, then, with which we'll end today's post:

"For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil;
But in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.
Her feet do gown to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.
She gives no thought to the way of life;
Her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.
Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say.
Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house,
Lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel,
Lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man's house."
-- Solomon, Proverbs 5:3-10, NIV

What If My Dog Wrote This Post?

2007-09-12T13:44:00.001-06:00

So I know I'm not the first to ever have these thoughts, but I have them anyway. And so . . . .

Why is it that a large portion of Americans (and maybe others too, I just happen to know mostly Americans since I live in Kentucky, which I understand to be very near this "America") seem to be so down on anything that is American or even human, as opposed to anything from another culture or the animal kingdom?

Let's start with the American cultural thing. Surely you've heard any number of the following statements, or at least variations/correlates: "You know the Native Americans treasured the elderly for their great wisdom!" "Our founding fathers would surely blush if they could see where our society is today!" "In African culture [fill in the blank with some random positive element from African culture]!"

These are all well and good, of course. Elderly people are awesome. There are some terrible elements of contemporary society. African culture surely has some great facets from which we could all learn. That said, it seems to me the underlying message whenever I hear something of similar nature is "Everything American and modern is bad, and everything old or foreign is WAY better!" Now obviously that's ridiculously over-stated, but you get it, right? If it's "other" it HAS to be superior!

There's trouble brewing, though. Because you know what? Native Americans slept in tee-pees, many of our founding fathers were genocide-promoting racists, and African culture is (like any other) surely as riddled with bad as it is good. Really, who wants to trade?

There are a million things I would change about contemporary American culture. We're incredibly materialistic, insoluably hedonistic, and in practice if not in word, completely atheistic. Equally, there are surely a million things we can learn from other cultures and times, but ultimately I don't think I can call them qualitatively "better" than our own. Please, then, can we escape the charge of ethnocentrism because we live in the world in which we have been born?

The animal thing is almost the same deal. My dog killed a rodent this week, and I don't think anybody could fault her for it. She's a dog. It's "natural"! I actually saw it happen, and she didn't think, calculate, or consider -- she just attacked. BAM! And it was over just that fast. No second thoughts, no regret, no room for re-consideration. What if I had done the killing, however? Are there not those among us who would critisize me harshly? It would have been scarecely less natural for me. To reference the above portion of this post, our ancestors or those in other cultures would surely have no issue with a routine take-down. Yet somehow, because I'm human, my actions are outside the realm of "nature." How is this? How am I less "natural" then my dog? Why is it beautiful when a beaver builds a dam, but environmental rape when a human does? Nobody condemns the leopard for hunting the gazelle, but for a human "meat is murder!" How did "nature" come to be defined as "anything and everything not human?" Did we create ourselves?

Look, I'm not trying to be overly critical of my culturally aware, naturalistic or extra-sensitive friends here. Take the good from other cultures, definitely. Have you chosen to eat texured soy protein rather than bacon? Ok! All I'm saying is this -- in our zeal to criticize that which may legitimately deserve another critic, let's not forget to examine some of our pre-suppositions and find the real root of the issue. After all, the Chinese proverb says "Have a mouth as sharp as a dagger but a heart as soft as tofu."

(I have no idea what that means.)

As the Seasons Change . . .

2007-09-07T19:09:00.000-06:00

If you're an observant type, you've already noticed. The colors are changing . . . no, not the leaves yet, but the colors on Flogging, But With a "B".

Here's the deal -- I'm tentatively giving up on the '07 Phillies. They pulled me back in -- hard -- with a 4 game sweep of the Mets, but then they went and gave away back-to-back series's against the Marlins and Braves, in true implosive fashion, and I'm just not seeing it. The previous color scheme, then (which, if you never picked up, was completely Phillies-driven) has been replaced by the sparkling Honolulu Blue of the Detroit Lions! In other words, it's flipped over to football season on my calender.

In roughly 14 1/2 hours, my Oklahoma Sooners kick off against the hated Miami Hurricanes. I can't wait. I'm actually more excited about OU than the Lions right now, which is weird for me because I'm a much more devoted Lions fan and would chose a Lions Super Bowl over another Sooner National Championship anyday. It's just that by about week six I expect the Lions will be nearing mathematic elimination for the playoffs, and OU should still be looking at a strong season, so I'll be able to switch from Lions colors to Sooner colors, but not the other way around. If my Lions prove me wrong, all the better!

Uh, Got Any Gum?

2007-09-01T14:05:00.000-06:00

I have no deep thoughts today.

Even worse, I have no comedy.

What I DO have, then, are just a couple random tidbits to make myself feel like I'm maintaining some sort of blogging presence:

As I said, I have no comedy today, but this guy has comedy like I could only dream of. I just recently discovered this, and I have just two words: man crush. A couple of my favorites are here and the bottom one here (Daniel Henderson on this last one, anybody?).

Whigham's just started putting video up on his blog, and it's both entertaining and disturbing. Pop on over and get to know him better . . . maybe better than you wanted!

The back-to-back Buzz Goertzen blogs? By FAR the two most-trafficked days that Flogging, But with a "B" has ever seen. I'm not sure what that says about you, but I'm sure that it says something.

Finally, Michigan has just been toppled by Appalachian State. And I guess I have just a couple quick thoughts:

1) College football is BACK, baby! Wohoo!

2) Appalachian State over Michigan? In Michigan? With a veteran quarterback, even? I'd love to sit her and write "I KNEW it was going to happen!" but I can't say that I EVER could have seen that coming. Just wow.

3) Does that mean that, in theory, OU could lose to North Texas tonight? They ARE the Mean Green, after all. I mean seriously, if they were just "Green" that's no problem. But they have chosen to specifically modify "Green" with the adjective "Mean." Now I don't know exactly how a color can be endowed with personality characteristics, but North Texas IS an institution of higher learning, and I can only assume that they're fully aware of whatever implications might be involved with having "Mean" Green as opposed to the ordinary, garden variety green. Anyway, we have a red-shirt freshman at quarterback and were ranked a bit behind Michigan in the pre-season polls, so are we, in theory, more vulnerable than they were? Is it time to worry for real?

4) North Texas has no chance, however mean they might like to consider themselves (or their green). You probably didn't read it here first, but you read it here, anyway.

5) Just by going over the box score for the Michigan/Appalachian State game, they've demonstrated one more time why I think it's stupid to go for two until *very* late in a ball game. Michigan scored late in the 3rd quarter, went for 2 (to get within three, but with a FULL quarter to play!), and failed. They scored again late in the 4th quarter, went for 2 (now to go UP by three), and failed. Then the apparently completely unforeseeable happened and Appalachian State defied all mathematical probability by *kicking a field goal?* to go up by two and win. If Michigan just doesn't jump the gun and kicks the PAT in the THIRD QUARTER, they then no doubt kick another in the 4th, and play into overtime. Do coaches not watch football? It seems like this happens to somebody every single week. *Sigh*.

Taking On a Life of It's Own

2007-08-28T14:25:00.001-06:00

Never before have I posted two days in a row, but some circumstances demand extraordinary action. This, my friends and reader, is one of those circumstances.

You see, yesterday I thought that my previous Buzz Goertzen blog was over and done with, but that was before I checked this joker's blog and had to go change my shorts. And THAT was before I saw his link to Buzz's myspace (even that phrase cracks me up), which features the FULL streaming version of my all-time (tied, at least) favorite Goertzen classic, "Then I Start to Yodel." And really, you HAVE to listen to the full song, because as crazy and out of control as the first half seems, it actually ends with a double-time feel and . . . are those . . . harmonies? I'm not enough of a music guy to really know or pick these thing apart, but one way or another I think it's imperative that anybody who wishes to be anything remotely close to a well-rounded or cultured person have a listen.

It Must Have Been Hot That Day

2007-08-27T18:46:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I don't remember it ever happening, but it must have. One day at work I must have told Nick about the crazy gospel yodeler that my dad used to listen to (with that kind of memory, I sure hope that I never told him about that one time when I . . .), as you can see he referenced in the comments of my last post. After seeing his comment and then wiping chunks of partially chewed meatloaf off of my monitor, I went ahead and tried to google this cat, and apparently they have the internet even in Idaho now. And I'm telling you, if you never, ever click on a link from Flogging, But With a "B" again, click on this one. Really.

My thoughts:

1) This cat is serious. He's a real, live, gospel yodeler, and he's totally into what he's doing. And it's yodeling. Can you even make a joke about that? I know my own musical taste is somewhat off the beaten path, at least for a generally well-adjusted 30-ish dude. I know there are potentially a LOT of jokes there. Well and good. But really . . . did you click the link?

2) If you listen to a bit, it's undeniable that he's really pretty amazing. Now note well that there's a gulf a mile wide and 20 miles deep between "good" and "I like it." Shakespeare In Love was "good." Modern art is "good." Not eating 3 bags of butter lover's microwave popcorn for dinner is "good." I'm just not into a lot of things that are "good." That said, after the laughter stops and you actually get through a couple clips (I suggest "Yodel Your Troubles Away," "She Taught Me How to Yodel", and the classic that started it all, "Jesus Put a Yodel in My Soul"), I think you HAVE to admit that it's kind of fascinating. Not maybe quite in the enjoyable sense, but like if you had a crazy neighbor who dedicated her life to whistling showtunes through her nose, or maybe a friend's dog that could jump rope double-dutch style. In fairness it's not quite the same as a train wreck, but there's this strange "disturbing yet amazing" phenomenon at work, right?

3) He apparently named his daughter "Tammy Sue." It's perfect. And -- oh yeah -- his name is "Buzz." This whole thing is starting to make sense now, actually . . . .

4) Why is there no clip available for "Will the Angels Yodel with Me?" Could we petition, do you think?

5) How priceless is this line: "Nothing stirs up an audience like yodeling, and no one yodels like Buzz Goertzen." Yeah, I read an arictle saying that NWA, Hatebreed, and Buzz Goertzen -- their shows are always the craziest. And, maybe almost as classic: "Buzz currently has ten albums, none of which is available in stores."

6) Buzz, if you ever google yourself (LOVE that phrase!) and come across Flogging, But With a "B," I won't deny that I do think the whole deal is pretty incredibly funny. That said, know that you yodeled me through a South Dakota summer or two in dad's Lumina . . . loudly. We laughed, it's true, but we also loved it (sort of, at least). So please know that it's all in good fun -- the kind of good ribbing that you're only comfortable giving to one of the fellas. Yodel on, my friend, yodel on.

Is God in Fargo?

2007-08-25T12:32:00.000-06:00

Spirituality is weird and mystical and all that. It's especially difficult for me sometimes because I'm just not a mystical guy. Sometimes I (and, I would guess, people who are like me) feel like I'm un-spiritual or whatever because I don't like to go up into the mountains and eat granola and stare at the sky listening to Yanni for eight days and then come home having had some sort of grand, spiritual experience. It's kind of like Coen brothers movies -- they're great for a lot of people, but they just don't quite do it for me.

Last Sunday at Life Pointe we had a message on serving, and then a church picnic at the park afterwards. During the service, a handful of people were at the park setting things up rather than sitting in the service. Now I ask you -- who was more "spiritual" that day: us good church attenders sitting there laughing at Jamey's jokes as he talked about serving, or the people who weren't there because they were busy preparing the picnic?

I'm not down on going to church -- not at all -- and I definitely believe that there is a mystical element to a connected relationship with God, but I think it's getting "spirituality" backward if church attendance or prayer or whatever is the end-all be-all. They should be the catalyst, not the finish line. At some point, maybe actually doing something in the physical world is as "spiritual" as sitting in a redwood contemplating whatever "spiritual" people contemplate.

Eh, or maybe I just need to re-watch "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" now that I understand the South a little bit.